Parenthood Ponderings

Mum, Mumma, Mummy, Ma, Mother, Madre....

I answer to all of the above and more when it comes to my children. I always have and I always will. I know it's an often repeated phrase but being a parent is my single greatest achievement.It was all I ever really wanted when I was young and I have not doubt whatsoever that I would have had more children if circumstances had been different.
There is nothing like holding your own baby in your arms, feeling that fluffy baby hair and that beautiful soft skin. Oh, how I love that baby smell. There's nothing quite like it in my opinion.
I used to adore being pregnant and, although I used to put on heaps of weight, I always felt really well, never had any sickness and generally felt fantastic.
After each of my four babies I just felt euphoric, whatever the dramatic circumstances or otherwise. I had had a baby, my baby and I was elated.
Of course, the reality is that life is never the same afterwards and, despite the love you feel for your baby, there is tiredness, exhaustion, often physical healing to take place not to mention any psychological scarring that may need attention too.
In my own experience, there was plenty of advice for new parents and it was offered by friends, neighbours, magazines, books, television programmes and the like. Of course, there was no internet back then so no mumsnet or anywhere to go to for reassurance or to share experiences.
However, when your baby was not 'normal' or was damaged in some way then the advice and support was much harder to come by. People would cross the road to avoid having to speak to you or would actively seek you out just to have a look in your pram to see for themselves if what they had heard was true.
Mother and baby groups were great for meeting other new mums but I wasn't able to compare my own baby's milestones to that of other babies because they were different.
It was a tricky time back then but things have changed for parents of children with additional needs and that is great.

But I've got side tracked again haven't I?!  Parenthood. Nothing can prepare you for what you will have to deal with. I have four children, all as different as chalk and cheese but all alike in many ways too. I love them all equally and without question.
We have been through a lot as parents, my hubby and I and I think we have learned a lot along the way. We would never claim to know it all and we both have different relationships with each of the children. Hubby is step dad to two of our four and I am Mum to all of them and he and I have very different approaches to our
 roles. While hubby hates to think anything negative about our children, I am more pragmatic or realistic maybe. I am not negative about any of them but I also see them for the human beings that they are. They make mistakes, the mess up sometimes and they are still learning even though two of them are married and they are all over 21 years of age.
I have been judgemental and critical of my children and sometimes I have been proved wrong when I have suspected them of something. However, more often than not I am right. Call it mothers intuition, call it living in the real world. Whatever you call it, I know my children and do not wear rose coloured spectacles where they are concerned whatever anyone may think.

I hope that we have set an good example to our children and I hope that they know that we will always be there for them if they need us. They may not like what we have to say at times but we always have their well-being at heart. I hope they feel they can come to us with any problem and we will listen and do our best to help in whatever way we can but we are not silly and won't get taken for fools if we can help it!

As parents we never stop learning. There is no handbook that arrives with your baby that tells you how to be a good parent. We learn from our mistakes and probably we learn from our own parents too. How we were brought up has a huge impact on the way that we bring up our own children. I guess we either want to bring them up the same as we were brought up or we want to do everything in our power to do things differently. Such is life. A learning process that never really ends.

I still get things wrong as a Mum. I still get things wrong as a wife too but that's another story! But I love my Mummy role and I love my Mummy time even now. I still get taken for granted...not in a horrible way but in the 'can i borrow..''can i have a lift to..' kind of way and I enjoy it really. I look at my four babies and I am proud of them all for being the people that they are, faults and all. I love their independence, their intelligence, their humanity and their kindness. I tolerate their teasing and their grumbles, their irritations and their laziness (!) and I love spending time with them. I just love them and I hope they know that.

Much love

xxxx