Sunday 22 February 2015

Half Term Happenings

Hi all,

If I get to the end of this update without throwing this laptop out of the window it will be a miracle. It has become so slow and frequently freezes for no reason. I have tried every update and every scan and every clean up that I can think of and it's still the same. I think that I just have too much on here and this machine, although only being 5 years old, needs replacing.
It's so frustrating when I get half way through a sentence or paragraph and I'm typing away quite happily and then ...nothing. No response from any button. Ggrrr. I can't afford another laptop and I do have my iPad mini but it's not really how I like to do this. I know I should be grateful to have so much but it's still infuriating, I have to be honest.
The other bit of technology that is causing me grief at the moment is my iPhone which I use all the time for everything from taking photos to checking the internet and, yes...even for making the odd phone call! The battery life seems to have suddenly halved and the phone just turns itself off when it gets down to 20% of battery life remaining. I could live with that but, yesterday while at my father in law's flat and having a good tidy up of everything in his absence, I leant over the the toilet and mu phone fell into the pan. I'll spare you any other details but my phone has not worked since. It is currently in a box of dried rice which is a tactic that I have used before with some success but I fear that this time it's not going to help.

All of that aside, it's been a busy old week. My shed, which I was insulating with bubble wrap last week, has a leaking roof! I have been to the local hardware store and got some emergency roof sealant and we shall see if that does the job. Having had a good look at the roof I think the felt that is on there has not been put on properly. I have had a go at sealing it this morning but I'm a bit too scared to climb onto the roof without hubby being here just in case I fall through it or something!! Hopefully, what I have done thus far will do the trick. Time will tell.

Regular readers will know that I work at a school and so I have had this last week off. I needed that week I can tell you. As usual, my days got filled up pretty quickly. On Tuesday it was back up to Addenbrookes for my daughter to have her eyes checked post surgery. All is well and she can now go and get some new glasses and consider what steps to take regarding learning to drive.That fact alone is amazing....considering driving! When you are told from day one that your daughter will not be able to drive and then, 30 years later, it's an option it really is incredible.
Wednesday was a wonderful day. Hubby and I went to London and saw a matinee production of 'Sunny Afternoon', a musical based on the lives and music of The Kinks. We both enjoyed it although my anxiety about being in an enclosed space was pretty high after tube rides and being in  the middle of a row in a packed theatre. By the end of the show we were all up and dancing and singing to 'Lola', one of my favourite songs. 'I met her in a club down in old Soho where they drink champagne and it tastes just like cherry cola....'.
We then took a walk along Piccadilly and had a lovely time window shopping at Fortnum and Masons. £1020 bottle of port anyone?! Next was a wander around a Cath Kidston store which I enjoyed. Hubby spotted some fab trainers there. Fortunately, there were none in my size! I don't need more trainers but I find funky trainers very hard to resist these days.
Finally, it was time for us to go to The Ritz where we had a 3 course meal waiting for us courtesy of our wonderful children who had given us a voucher for the meal as a 25th wedding anniversary gift last October.
We had champagne on arrival, we had wine chosen by the sommelier and were waited on by very attentive staff who catered for our every need. The food was spectacular from start to finish. I have photos but they are all on my phone and I can't access them to put any on here.
We were even presented with a little cake with 'happy anniversary' written in icing on it and 2 candles, one pink and one blue, as the waiter had heard me say that the meal was a late anniversary celebration. Hubby was horrified temporarily as he feared that the staff were going to start singing to us but he need not have worried. If it had been a birthday celebration it might have been different though!
On Thursday I had a visit from a good friend and we had tea, cakes and a good catch up and then I went and had a back massage which I had booked some time ago.
On Friday hubby and I went and picked up three of the grandchildren and brought them to our house as they hadn't visited the new house, It was lovely to have little people here. Harvey, our dopey dog, was a little overwhelmed by the excitement that children bring to a house but he soon got over it. We made a quick visit to the beach hut (two out of the three children ended up in the sea, soaked to the skin and fully clothed after 10 minutes so we had to come home again!) and then it was tea time and very soon time for bed. All three wanted to sleep over for the first time and so they settled into a double bed, topping and tailing, and they were asleep in minutes. They were really good, bless them.
I didn't sleep well and there were various wake ups throughout the night but it was all fairly uneventful.
Saturday saw bagels for breakfast and then a trip back to take the children home before going to have an attempt at tidying and cleaning Grandad's flat while he is in hospital where is currently bed blocking until we can find a suitable plave for him to go as we don't feel he is able to look after himself at the moment. The hospital say that he is medically fit to leave but we don't want to take any chances and would like him to go somewhere where he can be looked after, at least for a little while. We can then see if he gets his confidence back enough for him to go home again.

Apologies for the lack of photos...especially as I had some good ones to add a bit of brightness to the text. I'm just keeping everything crossed that my phone suddenly springs back to life but i fear the worst.

Have a great week everyone. I shall be returning to work tomorrow and hubby starts his new job in the morning as well and will be away for a few days. It'll be just like the old days in a way.

xxxxx

Monday 16 February 2015

Beach Hut Brunch and Hospital Dramas

Hi everyone,

We've had another one of 'those' weeks so I'll fill you in.....

Father in law, who has been in hospital for 3 weeks and who no visitors had ever seen out of his hospital bed, was deemed fit to go home last Monday. To say that we were staggered at that decision would be an understatement. We were told that he was medically fit for discharge and had been sen mobilising to the bathroom with a frame and that the physio had signed him off. Eating was still a huge issue but a dietician had been and had a word with Dad and left him a brochure. Really?!?!
Father in law had also told the hospital that he would be picked up within the hour by a family member.......! We all have jobs and responsibilities and we told the hospital that Dad would have to stay there until the following day.
On Tuesday morning, following a call from the hospital to say, basically, that if we didn't pick Dad up then they would arrange hospital transport to take him back to his flat, I went and collected him.
I went to the ward and into his room where I found a new patient in his bed. Dad was waiting in what they describe as the discharge lounge. When I found him he was asleep in a chair among a room full of old and frail people all waiting to be moved on to their destination. Seeing my dear father in law amongst the elderly people was a real shock to me. It dawned on me just how frail he has become.
When I woke him from his snooze he was confused and had no idea where he was or why he had been moved from his bed. Apparently it had been explained to him but his memory is now so bad that he had no recollection of it at all.
He had a bag of medication with him and all of his personal belongings. He had no idea what the medicine was let alone what it was for or how to use it. I asked if there was a frame for him to take home and was told  that he didn't have one and that he was free to go. I had to borrow a wheelchair to get him to the car and getting into the vehicle was very hard for him.
Eventually I got him home and there I stayed with him for the best part of 8 hours, trying to coax him to eat and drink. He spilled a strawberry milk drink all over himself, he couldn't remember how the television remote control worked and was concerned, as ever, about the lottery!
A member of a care team was due to call between 5 and 7 and at 7.30pm a lady arrived to see Dad and check his mobility etc etc. Earlier in the day, Dad had lurched from surface to surface while trying to get to the kitchen and had fallen towards me. if i hadn't been there he would have ended up on the floor.
Anyway, the carer lady asked Dad to stand up (remember he didn't have a frame) and to walk to the bedroom so that she could see for herself how he would manage. His response 'No problem at all' - his stock answer to everything these days. He got his stick, stood up, took two steps forward and then fell backwards onto me. Luckily he didn't hurt himself. The carer was not allowed to help him up! If he couldn't get up then the paramedics would be called. Dad crawled to his chair and pulled himself up with a little help from me. It was decided that Dad should be put to bed and that's where he would have to stay until the carer came in in the morning.
I had severe doubts that he would stay in bed for that long. He wouldn't remember that he was supposed to stay in bed....but don't forget that the hospital said that he was fit to go home with care twice a day.
I eventually left him  after informing his sons of the situation and one of them decided that Dad could not be trusted to stay in bed and so went and slept on the armchair in Dad's lounge just to keep an eye out.
Sure enough a 4 am dad got up and dressed and went into the lounge ready for the day to start. He took a lot of persuading to go back to bed and reluctantly agreed to but stayed in his day clothes.

After looking at Dad's discharge notes from the hospital, my brother in law realised that Dad should have been discharged WITH a rigid walking frame and there ensued lots of heated 'discussions' with care teams and the hospital about their duty of care or lack of it.

Anyway, a day, or was it two days?, later on a routine lunchtime visit Dad was found in his chair in a distressed state. It appears that he had fallen over in the bathroom and had dragged himself through the hall and the lounge and climbed into his chair where he felt safe. He didn't know, or wouldn't say, what had happened, had no idea how long he had been there and was a bit shaken. After much discussion between GPs and care teams it was decided that the paramedics needed to come out....although, apparently, because he had crawled back to his chair they didn't need to come out because he was obviously ok!!!
Dad was taken back to hospital and that is where is remains.
We did have a call on Friday to say that, again, he was medically fit to go home. You can only guess what our response was.
The hospital seem completely unaware of Dad's confused/forgetful state because he seems coherent when you talk to him but we know that he is in no fit state physically or mentally to look after himself at present. The events of the last week have shown us that.

We believe that, at least short term, Dad needs 24 hour observation. He needs rehabilitation. He needs to be properly encouraged to eat and drink. He cannot, and will not, cook for himself or, sometimes, even remember to eat. He needs to be safe when he is mobilising and he cannot be left without someone on hand in case he falls over again.

On a much happier note, hubby and I spent Valentine's Day morning at the beach hut. It was his idea and he went to the local butcher and got bacon and sausages for our brunch. It was fantastic to be back there again. I love my hut so much.







Hubby doesn't go to the hut much, it's not really his thing, but he enjoyed our morning. The sun even made an effort to come out and it wasn't windy either...another of hubby's pet hates about the seaside.

The hut needs a little bit of repair work done and then it needs painting so we have to come up with a colour scheme and then decide what kind of paint will be best to use. The hut next door to ours has been painted in masonry paint and it seems to be withstanding the weather conditions so we may go with that option. As for colours....the brighter the better as far as I'm concerned.

Valentine's afternoon saw me doing a bit of cooking (including binning some love buns that I had attempted and which were disasterous) and then settling down for a bite to eat and watching a film.






Sunday saw the sun shine in the afternoon and I realised just how much I am looking forward to the coming months in our new home. I brought some poppy seeds so that we can have poppies in our new garden. I then went down to my shed which is at the bottom of the garden. We have 2 sheds and the one that I call mine is currently empty apart from a few garden chairs and a childs bike.
I really want to make the shed like an extra room that I can make use of...almost like another beach hut but in the garden. With that in mind, I got some bubble wrap and a builder's stapler and set about insulating the shed after a fashion and I did a pretty good job even if I do say so myself. Already I can see me sitting down there in the evenings.
I ran an extension cable down there and had the heater and my music on for a little while and it was wonderful. I know it wouldn't be for everyone but for me it's pretty much perfect. I really did have a lovely weekend.

There is much more that I could go on about now but I had better leave it there for now. By the next time I blog we should have a clearer idea about Dad which is the main thing. In two weeks time I should have got my test results back and hubby will have started his new job.

As you can tell,there is lots going on and I'm trying to look to the future with optimism and enthusiasm which doesn't come easily to me!

Have a great week everyone.

xxxxxxx

Friday 6 February 2015

Oh, Hello Again Anxiety

Hi folks,

Happy Friday to you all...if, indeed, you are reading this on a Friday. If not, happy day to you.I hope the sun is shining on you as it is on me as I sit in my conservatory and type this up. It's a bit chilly, probably too chilly to be sitting in a cold conservatory, but I couldn't resist. I have a cup of tea, a walked dog by my side and all is calm.

A quick update: daughter's eyes remain stable. Check up in 2 weeks time.
 Father in law is still in hospital, now in isolation on a respiratory ward as the doctors are a bit baffled as to why he is not responding to antibiotics. From all reports he still isn't eating- certainly not enough to sustain him- and he continues to be picky about his physiotherapy. He seems to be quite comfortable, doesn't want anything and isn't in pain.
Hubby and I made an impromptu visit yesterday at lunchtime to see if we could encourage him to eat. When we arrived at his room, father in law was nowhere to be seen and there was a 'nil by mouth' sign on his door. That's ironic for a man who is refusing to eat! It transpires that he had been taken for a bronchoscopy as all of the other tests and scans he has had have proved inconclusive. We await the results.
It is a difficult situation for the family and we can only second guess what is going on and what the outcome will be. Only time will tell.
Hubby has, today, accepted a job offer which will give him a decent income and which takes him back to what he does best. He will have a company care etc etc so he is extremely happy and his on his way home with all the info as I type this. A celebratory bottle of beer is chilling in the fridge for him.

I was reading back through my previous posts in the early hours of this morning and specifically reading about the CBT that I had and how good I was feeling. Well, guess what? I'm not feeling so good at the moment. I'm really disappointed with myself for feeling like I do and for letting myself get into this state again.
What state? Trembling, shaking, chest pain,  palpitations....all of the things that go hand in hand and cause anxiety of the highest order in me.
As I work in a medical centre I have access to a blood pressure monitor. I was feeling pretty stressed and worried on a previous shift last week and so I took my blood pressure. Dear oh dear. I'm glad I took it but the reading scared the s*** out of me and I decided that I should ring the doctor the next morning. Then came a night full of thoughts about me having a heart attack or a stroke...all of which can be caused by high blood pressure. I know that sounds dramatic but that's how I think when I'm like this.
I rang the doctor who asked me to go to the surgery that evening, took my blood pressure which was high again and ordered an ECG and a range of blood tests. So I have blood tests due on Monday and an ECG on Thursday. I'm sure that everything will come back ok. I've had these tests done before and they were fine but you never know. I go back to see the doc in 2 weeks when all of the test results should be back.
I had my bp taken in December and it was fine. Interestingly, the doc asked me if I was on holiday from work when I had my blood pressure done at that time and,yes, I was! I told him that I have given in my notice and will be leaving at the end of this term. He winked and smiled.

I know that I find my job stupidly stressful at times but when I am anxious I find it even more difficult so you can only imagine how I felt on my night shift last night when I had 9 students in overnight. I won't go into specifics, suffice to say that teenagers will be teenagers! I finally got to sleep at 1.30am and was up again at 4.30am so it has been a long day.
I handled the various situations at work the best way that I could but I didn't find it easy and I was working alone so all of the responsibility was mine. I was very pleased when my shift ended and I was able to drive the 30 miles home again and take the dog out!

As you can tell, it's been a difficult time really and I think that is why my anxiety levels have crept up without me realising. I am annoyed that I didn't realise before things got so bad but I can't do anything now except focus on positivity and taking time for myself while I get back, again, on the straight and narrow!

It will probably perplex many of you to know, then, that my son and i have signed up to do the Surrey Three Peaks Challenge in April!! 26 miles of hills and walking and all done in the hope of raising some funds for the Stickler Diagnostic Clinic at Addenbrookes. Obviously, I will need to have my medical test results back and I will have to get advice from my GP but everything I read says that exercise is good for raising high bloop pressure. I promise I won't take part in the challenge if I'm told not to or if I don't feel well enough.

Oh yes, and my fit February...ha ha! But I am walking at least 10,000 steps and drinking 8 glasses of water every day so that's a good start.

Well, I'll sign off now. It's just gone 5pm and it's still not dark. Happy days! Spring is coming.

Stay safe and be happy everyone.

xxxxx