Sleep Is For The Weak

....isn't that what they say? I'm afraid that, at this particular moment, I consider that saying a load of rubbish. Sleep should be for the knackered, the exhausted and the weary. Sleep should be what you get when you fall into to bed and can't hold a conversation because you're so very, very tired. Sleep should be had for a solid 6 hours at least....not 4 hours if you're lucky.

It's 5.48am as I type this and I've been awake since 3.15 or that's when I first looked at the clock. I had been tossing and turning for what seemed like hours before that.

My mind has been working overtime since I woke. What can I possibly buy as a Christmas gift for various people? Who did I buy the Busted tickets from and why have I not got any emails about it? Should the money I have been paid for said tickets go back to the joint account or did I pay for them myself? Who owes me money? What am I going to do about work?

Why can't I sleep when I slept so badly the previous night that I thought it was a given that I would sleep solidly this time? 

Should I have started my triathlon training? Oh.bloody hell! Of course I should. Why haven't I? Am I really going to be able to do it?

Are the twins going to be ok? Is my daughter going to be ok? Are my children going to be ok?

What should I plan for Christmas? I don't think I want the goose that has been offered but should I have it anyway...even though I've never cooked goose in my life? Would anyone else like it? I didn't even ask.

Why can't I log onto the online banking facility despite entering the usual combination of numbers and letters? Have I now blocked the account? Why does every floorboard that I stand on as I tiptoe from room to room at this ungodly hour creak so loudly? Why do all of the doors rattle on their hinges when the wind blows? Why isn't anyone else in the house disturbed by said rattles?

If I go and make a cup of tea, should I feed the dogs? If I don't they will fuss until I do but it's  at least an hour early and then they will expect to be walked straight away and it's still dark. If I let them out for a wee will they bark and wake the neighbours? Should I have bread and real butter for breakfast or go for the healthy but not so appealing fruit and cereal?

Where are we going to put the wardrobes that need to be moved out of one of the bedrooms today while a new carpet is being fitted? Is the door going to be able to travel,over the new carpet or will it need to be altered? If it does, who on earth is going to do that because we don't know how to?

What are we going to have for tea? Does the small dog still smell vaguely of the stinky stuff that she rolled in 3 days ago despite being bathed in the sink and being covered in dog shampoo and rinsed thoroughly? 

Why haven't I started knitting the blue blanket now that I have finally finished the pink one?

Is son's latest job interview legitimate? Are grandchildren well? Is son in law ok? Why is communication so difficult in an age where we can text, message, ring, Skype, FaceTime, whatsapp to our hearts context 24/7? Why am I so rubbish at talking to people?

There you are. A very small snippet of how my mind is racing this morning and has been since 3 am!!

It must now surely be time to go and have a cup of tea. It's still dark but I have heard an alarm go off so someone will be up and about soon I think.

Happy Monday folks. Here's to a good nights sleep tonight 😳💤😴 xxx

Easy Like A Sunday Morning

Ah....Sunday mornings. Gotta love them!

I'm sitting in my battered old wicker chair that creaks every time that I so much as breathe when I'm relaxing in it, Steve Wright's Love Songs is playing in the background.... Kiki Dee 'Amoureuse'  is on as I type. I always loved this song...the dogs have been walked, dishwasher and washing machine are also chugging away and  all is well with the world. I hope this update finds you well and relaxed.

This has been another busy week. I've been to the dentist (fillings galore), I've been Christmas shopping and I've had lunch with friends. I also finally met up with one of my cousins who I hadn't seen for years. We chatted away and had a good old catch up. It was good to see her looking so well and, yet again, it reminded me how time flies. I remember family get togethers when we were kids and now I'm in my mid 50's! However, isn't it great that we are still in touch with each other?

I've made several visits to the local garden centre this week too!

www.keydellnurseries.co.uk

I first went there this time last year just after we moved here. I was amazed at the time. The place has a bit of a disorganised feel about it but I love it there. A few weeks ago they had a Halloween Walkthrough for children that I took my grandchildren too and now they have there Christmas areas set up. I think you could probably get any colour of bauble that you would like from there and they have another walkthrough which includes polar bears, huskies, Father Christmas, The Grinch and real reindeers. I just love that it's so close to me. I can be there in 5 minutes. I've already been there with two of my daughters and my friend and I have no doubt that I will be there again at least once this week.

I'm not sure if I mentioned that I have booked tickets to see Busted?! I may have decided to keep that quiet but it's out there now. I have not yet got tickets, or even tried to get tickets, for Coldplay and I didn't get to see Frank Turner when he played Southampton a few weeks ago. In fact, I'm not going to get to see him at all on this tour which a bit of a blow. He continues to get rave reviews though which is great.
I think there is a possibility that I may try to get tickets for Funny Girl starring the brilliant Sheridan Smith but it may be sold out already. I haven't checked. However, I must focus on our trip to New York where I feel quite strongly that I/we should go and see a show. It seems the sensible thing to do, don't you think?
We also have tickets to see David Tennant in Richard 11 at The Barbican in January and I'm very much looking forward to that.

http://www.barbican.org.uk/theatre/event-detail.asp?ID=18156

I last saw the brilliant Mr. Tennant in Stratford when he played Hamlet. He was mesmerising in that production and I have no reason to doubt that he will be anything other than wonderful in January...despite the fact that he now has four young children!

Time is whizzing by. Christmas will soon be here with all of the joy and happiness - and possibly a little stress - that comes with it. NYC has been booked and just needs organising and then...as long as she can hold on to them that long...my daughter is due to have her babies. Exciting times indeed.

Oh, and I finally finished the first blanket! What a labour of love that was. Only another one to do then!!

Stay safe and healthy everyone.

xxxxx

Still Just Me

Hi all,

It's 5.39 am and I've been awake since 4.30am for the umpteenth day in a row, my blog is a day or two late and my iPad is about to run out of battery but my charger is downstairs and I don't want to go down and get it because I will disturb the dogs and they will think it's time for food and walk. It's pouring with rain after a few chilly days and I have a day of Christmas shopping with hubby to look forward to. Ah, such is life.

I've had a great week of visiting people and catching up with friends and family. I'm embracing the luxury of not having to go to work for now and it's wonderful. I have seen people that I haven't seen for too long and mainly just because I have got out of the habit of making the effort. I have spent so much of my time working until recently that I have just stopped organising my life. The joy of not working shifts and nights is that, eventually, you get your life back to some kind of normality...apart from the ridiculous sleep patterns obviously!

All is well with me and I hope it is with you all. Christmas is approaching rapidly as is the party season and so, for the first time in many, many years, I am going to treat myself to a party frock! I have my gorgeous Crimbo jumper from a few years back that I love but I don't have a nice, sparkly dress to wear. In fact, I don't think I have ever had one! That must change and maybe I will be able to find one when we are out on our shopping trip today....our shopping trip where we aim to buy Crimbo presents but will probably, in reality, end up window shopping, drinking coffee and eating lunch. I haven't even made a list of people that I would like to buy for so that doesn't really bode well for the day doesn't?!

So this is a short and sweet update just to say 'Hi' and that I haven't forgotten you, I'm still here, still doing my thing, still dashing about or playing catch up with sleep and still not concentrating properly and saying stupid things! I'm still in love with my family and I'm still a doting Mum and Nanny. I'm still getting up and baking when I can't sleep and I'm still eating far too much. I'm still drinking two glasses of wine when I know that more than one gives me a hellish headache and I'm still eating more chocolate than is good for me.

I'm loving my life and what more can you ask for?

Have a great week everyone and be kind to each other.

Xxx

Triathlon Trembles and Tummy Troubles

Good day folks.

I hope that you are all safe and well. After the horrific events in Paris last Friday evening I think we will all have taken stock and realised just how precious life is. We were out for a celebratory meal with family when the news of the Paris attacks started to filter through and we listened to updates on the situation on our drive home. I wondered how many of the dead and injured were out, just like we were, relaxing and having a good time on a Friday evening. I envisaged us sitting at our table eating lovely food and chatting and then the room being sprayed by bullets from a Kalashnikov. It was a truly horrible thing to think but that was what it was like for those people in Paris. It made me want to keep my family with me all the time, to try my best to keep them safe. I'm sure many, many people felt the same way.

Hubby and I were out for two nights in a row at the weekend which is unusual for us these days. On Friday we ate at a lovely Thai restaurant with family and on Saturday we attended the 50th birthday celebrations of friends at a (fairly) local golf club. After Friday evening's meal I began to have tummy pains but thought nothing of it, assuming that it was the rich food and the mixture of a cocktail and prosecco that was the problem. We had curry on Saturday evening and I drank a gin and tonic and a small glass of wine as I was driving that night. On Sunday morning I felt dreadful.... tummy spasms, headache, general rubbishness....so spent the majority of the day in my pyjamas in bed feeling sorry for myself. Today I still have the headache but it's getting better. I feel sure that the rich food is mostly to blame for my tummy troubles and, to be honest, I think that age plays a part too. Gone are the days when I can eat what I like, drink what I like and stay up late without consequences. Goodness, I sound like I'm about 90 years old!

Talking of feeling my age brings me to mentioning the Guildford triathlon Yes, my son and I, in a moment of madness I fear, have signed up to take part in our first, and probably only, triathlon which takes place in May next year. I may have mentioned before that we do like a challenge and we have done marathons, half marathons, 10 and 5 ks and walks between us over the past few years. I wanted to challenge myself and try something different as I know that my knees are not up to another marathon as much as I'd like to do one. When I read about the triathlon I thought to myself that it might just be the perfect challenge for me/us. I sent the link to my son who agreed with me that it seemed like a good idea and so I signed us both up for it.

Of course, then I started to think about it more seriously and realised that I am totally unprepared for what is coming our way. I began to look at training plans and schedules, at the equipment needed and the level of basic fitness required and started to seriously question my decision to take on the challenge.
I have bought myself a 2nd hand bike which I yet to pick up, I don't have a cycle helmet and I will need to by a special one because my head is so big. I do have wet suit of sorts but I haven't ever worn it and I don't know if I will actually need to wear one anyway as the swim section of the triathlon is indoors. I do have running gear from all of my previous challenges but I will need a new pair of trainers.
Add to this the fact that I haven't exercised at all, apart from dog walking, for at least 6 months and the fact that my knowledge of triathlons is basic at best and you may be able to see why I am questioning my decision to take up this challenge!
I know that, as long as I stay healthy and work on my fitness, put in the effort and stick to a training regime,  I will be able to complete this but just at this moment I am having serious jitters about the whole thing.
I may do a seperate blog for the event as I did when we took part in Silverstone half marathon  but we will see.

So that's all from me for now. I'm off to try and finish the blanket that I have been attempting to knit for absolutely ages. Stay safe and look after each other. The world can be a very scarey place as we have all witnessed in the last few days.

xxxxx

Proud Of Myself....At Last!

Another week means another blog post.

Sometimes I find it really, really difficult to not write about how I feel about things and, while this blog is about me and my life, I am always aware that I need to keep things that are personal fairly vague and on a certain level.
There is always so much going on in the periphery of my life that involves me up to a point. That is why I am always at risk of blurting stuff out via this blog and why I have to take a deep breath before I write anything in the heat of the moment or when I am feeling particularly upset or cross. I am neither of those things at the moment so all should be ok!

This past week has been another of highs and lows. I attended a funeral, I had fish and chips in the wind and rain at the beach hut, my daughter had a whole week of not throwing up due to her pregnancy, my son came to stay overnight and I bathed the dogs after a fashion....well, the little one went in the sink and the big one had to be hosed outside....but they both smell much sweeter for it for now. Hubby and I met for lunch with his brothers to celebrate a birthday and we also went to various final resting places of our parents on Remembrance Sunday to say 'hello' to them all. Not mad at all!

This time of year is always a little tricky for the family as it means that the anniversaries and several birthdays are looming of loved ones who are no longer with us including Mum, Dad, mother in law and father in law.
 Dad died in 1998 and he is the first one I think of in November. He was born on November 11th (Armistice Day) and this year he would have been 80. He died when he was 63 and I have great difficulty thinking of how he would look in his 80's. Poppy Day is a constant reminder of him each year.
A week or so later is the anniversary of his death - November 20th - and then 2 days later -  November 22nd - would have been father in law's 86th birthday and this is our first year without him on his special day.
December 2nd is the anniversary of Mum's death and 3 days later - December 5th - sees the anniversary of mother in law's passing. December 6th would have been Mum's 76th birthday and December 9th was her Mum's (our Nan's birthday). Add to that the anniversaries of funerals that go with the above and you may be able to see why this can be a tough time of year for us as a family if we think about it too much or for too long.
In the past I have been guilty of doing exactly that - of dredging up all of the emotional drama of the events and making myself feel anxious, unhappy and stressed. Along with that goes mood swings, the drinking to remember and then drinking to forget. Recalling the fallings out and the sadness. the anger and the pain. Basically making myself relive it all over again.

It's obvious to me now, as I look back with a clearer mind and with the undoubted assistance of therapy and friends, that I was doing nothing but making myself feel a hundred times worse than I already did but at all of the times when I did any of the above I think it was because I just desperately missed my Mum and my Dad. But then don't we all when we lose our parents? We don't all behave as I did  however.

Hindsight and experience are great things. Which of us would not like to be able to change things that we have done or said that we regret? I guess the most important thing for us to do is to learn from the things that we wish we hadn't done and move on.
Yes, even at my age (55!), I am still learning from my mistakes. For me, at emotionally difficult times - and I can't think of much more of an emotionally difficult time than when someone you love is dying or dies - I know in my heart of hearts that I have let people (and myself) down with my actions and my words...or sometimes lack of them. I know that I have upset and hurt people, people I love and care for, people that are some of the closest in the world to me, often without meaning to or without realising, and usually because I was too wrapped up in my own grief and pain.
Now, I can't say that I won't ever do it again because I never know how I am going to react in difficult times but I do think that I am currently more emotionally stable than I have ever been and I feel that I most definitely more in control of my actions and words.I feel strong. Let's hope things continue this way.

And so, on that note, I will be remembering my parents and my in laws with love and affection over the next few weeks as their special dates come around. I know that I will never stop missing my Mum and Dad, will never stop wishing that I could see them, talk to them, hug them one more time and hear their laughter but such is life. I'm proud to be their daughter, their daughter in law, and I'm proud to be me.

Thanks for reading this ramble. I'm not quite sure where it came from but I was obviously feeling it!

xxxxx

Here Comes The Bride

Hi all.

It's a lovely sunny midday Monday after a very foggy start.

 My morning chores - copious amounts of washing to do, two dogs to be walked, dishwasher to be emptied and reloaded, pumpkin soup to be made, carpet to be cleaned and hoovered, phone calls to local solicitors for hubby - all achieved so now it's coffee and blog time.

Halloween has been and gone as have the grandchildren!

The beach hut has been visited yet again with the little ones in tow and the tide was out which delighted two of the three munchkins. They see the beach as their own sand pit and they grabbed their buckets and spades and ran to the sand as soon as I unlocked the hut. Joyful to see. As was their faces as we toasted (or as they say, roasted) the mega marshmallows that I found at the local shop.

However, I have news - exciting news! My youngest daughter arrived back from her two week holiday with her boyfriend and they have got engaged. If I knew how to add a smiley face and loads of balloons and banners from my laptop I would but I don't so you are spared an overload.

The happy/elated couple have been together for 10 years and the engagement took place in a wooden treehouse overlooking the ocean at sunset on the anniversary of their first date. The engagement ring is beautiful and was sourced in Hatton Garden. My daughter absolutely loves it.
I was told about the engagement via Facetime the day after it happened which was lovely. Hubby knew about it already as his permission was sought before the holiday started. He was asked to keep the news a secret which he did very well despite being asked lots of questions by myself and our eldest daughter as we were both hopeful of good news.

The couple arrived back on Thursday full of smiles and visibly more relaxed than the last time they were at home before their holiday started.
An engagement has been on my daughter's mind for quite a while and I know she already has loads of lists in her head of things to do. We don't refer to her as Monica for nothing!

As for her Dad and I, we are delighted for them both. Daughter's other half has been part of the family for 10 years so, whilst I may officially be getting another son in law, in reality I already think of him as such. The fact that they are both living with us at the moment just cements that relationship.

So, expect lots of wedding references along with the twins/grandchildren/beach hut ramblings in future updates...oh and also triathlon mentions too as I have signed up to do one of those next year too. Not sure it was a wise thing to do but it's done now!

There will be lots of exciting times ahead along with lots of worrying and stressing too I have no doubt but that's par for the course for life in general isn't it?!

Congratulations to my little girl :-)

xxxxxx