I'm Sorry xx

Hi everyone.

I hope you all had a happy Easter break and that you were surrounded by your loved ones and made some lasting memories.
Easter was not really a big celebration in our house when we were young although we did always have hot cross buns. Neither of my parents were religious so we didn't really celebrate it as a religious event and Easter eggs didn't play a big part in our lives either as far as I can remember. I am probably completely wrong here and I will wait for my siblings to correct me! I do know that our Nan used to give us a gift or two at Easter and I remember her giving all four of us our own egg cups one year. Mine was in the shape of an Easter chick wearing a bonnet and I had that egg cup for years. I loved it. There was also one in the shape of a panda but I can't remember the others.

This last weekend has been hectic for us. My daughter came to stay for a few days with the twins. I collected them and all of their paraphernalia on Friday lunchtime. My car was full to bursting by the time everything was loaded. When we got to my house we unloaded everything and tried to get everyone settled in for the next few days. It took a while as you can imagine! My daughter was very weary so she went and put her head down for a while and the rest of us looked after the babies which was lovely. We had lots of things planned for if things weren't too busy. None of those things happened!

On Saturday we had the unexpected pleasure of a visit from our eldest four grandchildren and their Daddy. On a previous visit, Poppy had left one of her toys at our house - namely her dragon - and she decided that she couldn't sleep without it. She lasted a few days but spoke about how much she missed dragon all of the time and so I think Mummy and Daddy decided that enough was enough and Daddy was despatched with all four children to come to us and collect the much missed toy.

The elder four children had not ever met their new cousins and their Daddy hadn't seen them either and so it was really lovely when they arrived and they got to spend some time with Phoebe and Sam. They all wanted to hold and cuddle the babies and it was an ideal photo opportunity. How wonderful for me...all six of my grandchildren together for the very first time. I was, as someone commented, in my element. How very proud I felt!

Robyn (eldest granddaughter) with Phoebe (youngest granddaughter) xx

The rest of the day really went in a bit of a blur of cooking, washing, cuddling, feeding and trying to keep up with everything and everyone. I lost count of the number of nappies I changed or feeds that I did or helped with. I have no idea how many times I sterilised bottles and dummies, how many times I mislaid the muslin nappies and bibs or how many times times the babies were awake during the night times. After a few days I felt completely exhausted. I have no idea how my daughter does it!

Talking of my daughter...one of the last blog posts that I wrote either on here or on the triathlon blog that I also write, was composed after a particularly difficult day with my daughter and the twins. I was extremely worried about my daughter and, insensitively and without enough consideration, I went into a lot of detail about how things were going for the family. I didn't give much thought to what I was doing when I posted the link to Facebook and emailed it to friends and family. My intention was for everyone to realise how things were going and to encourage people to offer help and support and for my daughter to not feel that she is alone in all of this. In reality, and completely unintentionally, what I managed to do was make the situation worse and to make my daughter feel inadequate. This was the very last thing that I wanted to do. I so desperately want to help and support the family but I know that I need to take a breath before I go launching off on a mission to try to get things sorted out for them, to get them the support that they are entitled to, to assist in any way that I can.

The twins have a loving, caring and capable Mummy and Daddy. The decisions that Mummy and Daddy make are theirs and not mine. 

Since before the babies were born, I have made it very clear that my daughter was and remains my priority in this situation. She is my child - despite her age - and I will move mountains for her if I have to as I would for any of my children. However, while I love the twins with all my heart, their Mummy and Daddy are there for them, to love them and provide for them. I must remember that.

So, once again, I am apologising for making my daughter feel uncomfortable and probably embarrassed. I'm sorry sweetheart, I truly am.

I'll leave you will a couple of photos. As usual, I have more photos somewhere on my phone and ipad that don't seem to want to be transferred to this laptop so I can't use them which is a bit annoying.

Sam

Big boy in his hoodie!

Just a beautiful photo our Phoebe

We think Phoebe's first 'proper' smile caught on camera by Auntie Sum. Absolute spitting image of her Mummy xx

Until next time....

xxxx

Busy, busy, busy!

"Hi all.

I have no idea where the time is going at the moment and I'm exhausted if I'm being honest. What with Zumba, swimming, running and dog walking I really ought to be sleeping like a baby but that isn't happening either. More is the pity!

So this last week has been another busy one. I went with a friend to see 'Our House' - a musical production based on the music of Madness - at a local theatre. The show was performed by a group of actors from a theatre and dance company and it really was brilliant. I would have paid good money to see it in London and to see it performed so well locally was a treat.

Monday was an evening Zumba class where I failed miserably to keep up with everyone but jumped about and kept active for an hour. Tuesday saw me sitting in the dentist's chair for an hour as my crumbling tooth was prepared for a crown. I had to have an injection which I wasn't expecting so that was rubbish. On Wednesday hubby went to Cheltenham races as he does every year and had a really good day. In the evening I went swimming with my daughter and swam with goggles for the first time ever! 

Thursday was our theatre trip and I missed my first Weightwatchers meeting since the middle of January. This Thursday will tell if I have done too much damage. I fear my 12st 6lbs of two weeks ago may have crept a little but we shall see. Friday saw another catch up with a good friend who met the twins for the first time. On Saturday I had my hair cut and on Sunday we took part in the Sport Relief Mile.

Saturday also saw the unexpected delight of three of the older grandchildren coming to stay for the night. As usual I went to bed with them where we exchanged stories and where they asked me about what life was like when I was a little girl. This time I told them about Easters when I was young, about Dad always going to get freshly baked hot cross buns from the bakery and about long dog walks with family and friends at the local woods. Eventually, one by one, they all fell asleep and I disentangled myself from their limbs and took myself to the spare room where hubby was already sleeping. I ended up on a mattress on the floor for a few hours before the children were up and about and ready for the new day.

All this and so much more! I have been up and down to see my daughter and her babies too. Phoebe is doing quite well with her hearing aids but it is still a struggle for her to wear them without any whistling due to the poor fitting of the moulds. I wondered whether a crocheted headband might help and put a status up on Facebook about it as I don't crochet. I was thrilled with the response from people wanting to help so that was very positive. Phoebe has also been given a few pretty headbands with the idea of holding the hearing aids in and I think that is working quite well.

The twins have now got a proper cot in the bedroom that they share with Mummy and Daddy and are settling into that after spending the first 7 weeks of their lives in Moses baskets at night time. I'm not sure how that is going but I'm sure they will settle into their new bedtime routine very soon.

Medical appointments continue to arrive for Phoebe almost daily and a variety of specialists come out to visit the family every week. Along with those visits and the continuing visits from family and friends - and the time consuming efforts made to feed Phoebe- Mummy and Daddy are kept very, very busy.

That's it for now. Sorry it's not very exciting....almost too tired to do this blog justice today. Poor old Nanny!!

Xxx

P.S. I just love this photo....Phoebe looking at the night light which is something she took little notice of before💕😊

P.P.S. Young Sam is being an absolute darling and is so smiley. He is a gorgeous little man💙 I can't find a photo that does him justice but when I do I'm going to add it!! Xx

http://uk.virginmoneygiving.com/team/phoebeandsam

Sunny Sunday Musings

Hi everyone.

Firstly, many apologies for the layout of this blog. I have done what I do best - meddle with something that doesn't need meddling with - and, as a consequence, I have messed up the design of the blog and I can't restore it to it's original glory. Tsk. I wanted to change the photo and alter the dimensions of it and try to make the whole thing look a little better but to no avail. I have spent the last half hour or so trying to sort it out without success so it will have to stay as it is for now. Enough of the time wasting.

After the wonderful, if emotional, outcome of little Phoebe's hearing aid fitting last Monday and my subsequent blog post about it, I have been so very touched by the responses that I have had. While this isn't a blog about Phoebe and Sam (it was, and always will be, a blog about my life in general) those little darlings are a huge part of my life right now and so they are bound to feature quite heavily in anything that I blog about. I do always check things with their Mummy and Daddy and, if they feel uncomfortable in any way about anything I have written, they will always tell me and I will take down the posting or alter it so that it is more suitable so please rest assured that I always run things past them.
Anyway, to all those who have contacted me or the family saying kind things about this blog, I thank you very much. It's lovely to know that what I witter on about it getting some kind of audience.

This week has been busy again but different. Life is returning to some kind of normal after the emotional rollercoaster of the last 6 weeks and I have spent less time travelling to the twins and more time at home doing 'normal' stuff.
That 'normal' stuff includes ramping up the exercise and fitness regime that youngest daughter and I are involved with, taking the bigger dog to the vets for routine jabs where he misbehaved and almost pulled me over on the exciting adventure that he thinks unfolds in the vet surgery - actually, he just knows they feed him treats to keep him sweet - , the twins had their 6 week check which they both passed with flying colours, and decisions were finally made about the triathlon in May.

Youngest daughter hit her target of losing a stone before Easter and treated herself to chicken nuggets and chips as a reward and then couldn't eat all of the chips! She's doing amazingly well and is changing her lifestyle big time and it shows. Today we went out to buy some trainers and sportswear for her and we decided to get a coffee and a bite to eat. I had coffee and a toasted teacake and she chose tomato and basil soup - no bread rolls- and a pack of gluten free cheese crackers. She has more willpower than me, that's for sure. That followed on from this morning where we went for a jog in the glorious sunshine and really enjoyed ourselves too. Happy days!

A couple of pics to keep you going....

Phoebe and Sam in their shared crib at our house - sleeping side by side and in exactly the same position as they were in Mummy's tummy. Look at how they both have their hands in the same position too....

...and this is just gorgeous! The ever cheerful and totally adorable Sam smiling away happily and Princess Phoebe looking in the same direction as her brother and much more aware of her surroundings. We just love them xxx

Have a good week everyone. I'm off to do a post on my triathlon blog.

https://triathlonforphoebeandsam.wordpress.com/

xxxx

http://uk.virginmoneygiving.com/phoebeandsam

Hooray For Princess Phoebe!

Hi all,

I rarely blog during the week. Blogging is for Sunday. However, today has been an incredible day in the life of our little Phoebe and her Mummy and Daddy are happy for me to share this with you.

This morning Phoebe was due to make yet another visit to the local hospital for a couple of appointments. One was for her eyes and one for her ears. Today was going to be an important day in the life of this little 5 weeks and 6 days old young lady.

I drove up to the family home, said  my hellos to son in law and a sleepy Sam and then Mummy, Phoebe and I got in the car and drove to the hospital. Daddy and Sam stayed at home together and had some quality Daddy and son time and this freed Mummy up to focus on Phoebe knowing that Sam was happy and safe with Daddy.

Our audiology appointment was for Phoebe to be fitted with her hearing aids after she was diagnosed with a severe hearing loss. The ear moulds had already been taken and so all Mummy had to do was choose what colour hearing aids would suit her daughter best. Mummy chose dark brown to match Phoebe's hair. She could have had purple, blue, pink, whatever but brown was the best way forward.
Once chosen, the ear moulds were connected to the hearing aids and then the aids were put into Phoebe's ears. She was a total star and tolerated all of the pulling and prodding without any problem. Then it was time for the switch on. This was the moment that will stay with me for ever. This was the moment that made me cry.
The hearing aids were switched on and Phoebe went rigid,then she pulled her knees up to her tummy, then she sobbed and cried and then she went very quiet. Her eyes and her facial expressions told us all we needed to know. Phoebe could hear some sounds for, very probably, the first time in almost 6 weeks! It was an incredible moment for all of us in the room and I cried. So much for being the supportive Mum!

Over the next 10 minutes or so Phoebs gradually adjusted to each sound that she could hear.. She is quite a snuffly baby due to her medical issues and every time she made a noise herself it made her startle and cry. She had obviously never heard herself make noise before. My heart just broke for a minute but then I was overjoyed because now PHOEBE CAN HEAR. It's early days obviously and she is very, very young to have hearing aids. The aids are set at a basic level for now and they are big and noisy on a very little girl but, when I left the family after lunch, the aids were still in situ and Phoebe wasn't so jumpy and wasn't getting startled quite so easily....although she did jump when Daddy switched the kitchen light on.

Amongst all of this elation and emotion, we discovered that we couldn't open Phoebe's feeding tube and had to make a visit to the children's ward where she has open access for such problems. We then had the scheduled eye appointment which wasn't really necessary in the end as the consultant had already visited Phoebe in scbu and is not overly concerned about the health of her eyes for now. She will probably be very short sighted but, as he told Mummy, they don't give glasses to babies of Phoebe's age anyway because she is too little. She will have more routine tests in the coming months and we will take it from there.

Mummy and I then decided that we needed a hot drink. The cafe in the hospital was very busy so we decided to drive to a local garden centre and had a cream tea. While we were there, Phoebe was awake the whole time and she spent the majority of the time looking around. It was quite amazing to see her reacting to her new world, to see her facial expressions, to see her being so aware.

When we got home to Daddy and Sam, who had been a star himself according to Daddy and we would not expect anything less of that little munchkin who is such a darling boy, Phoebe was still awake and needed changing. I changed her and spoke to her while I was doing so and she looked at me and listened to me, or at least gave a good impression of doing, so the whole time. When she cried she sounded different. It sounded like a proper cry and not a wail. I cannot tell you how different she seemed to me in the few hours that I spent with her.

Now, this little lady has a lot of hurdles to overcome in the coming years. She has surgeries to undergo and various treatments to complete. She has come so far in a few short weeks thanks to the love and support of her Mummy and Daddy and their friends and family. She has a twin brother who is an utter joy. He is growing so big so fast and he really is a cuddly lump. The family really live from hour to hour at the moment and there have been some rubbish times. However, today has been just amazing.

Love from Nanny xxxx

http://uk.virginmoneygiving.com/phoebeandsam

Our handsome, cuddly Sam xxx

Mother's Day Again

Good evening folks.

Yes, it's a rare thing for me to be blogging on a Saturday night but no time like the present. Also, tomorrow morning sees a local 5k trail run which we are using as part of our triathlon training. There will be an update posted on my other blog after the event hopefully.
I haven't run a 5k in a very long time so it is going to be a challenge.

So, this week has been pretty full on. I have spent lots of time with my daughter and her babies and I went to see Psychic Sally with another daughter as she had bought me tickets for the event for Christmas. To be totally honest, the show was about as bad as it could get but it was good to spend quality time with my middle girl and mummy of 4 of my gorgeous grandchildren. She makes me laugh and we always have a good old natter. We had noodles and a glass of wine before the event and had coffee and Malteasers during it. We stayed until the end regardless of how awkward it all was and then we had another natter on the way home.

I've continued to go to Weightwatchers with youngest daughter and this week I lost another 2lbs. I have no idea how...and that was after the chocolate, noodles and coffee. I think stress is playing a major part in it to be honest. However, losing over a stone in 7 weeks or whatever it is is good enough for me. I have actually had to stop wearing my trusty black trousers which fit me whatever size I go up to and which I have had for years because they no longer stay up and, quite frankly, they look ridiculous.
Daughter lost another half a pound but was a bit annoyed because I had lost more. Her weight loss is much more steady than mine and she is much more likely to keep hers off as she is losing a little every week. It won't take much more that a 'normal' week for me and I will be putting weight back on again.

Tomorrow is Mother's Day and, yet again, I am reminded just how much I miss my Mum, especially now when there is so much going on. I could really do with a hug from her right now and a few words of wisdom. I'm sure that if I think hard enough I can imagine what she would say to me but I can't imagine the hug. It's always the same...when the chips are down we all just want our Mum.

I am doing the very best I can to support everyone and, to be honest, this week I have overstepped the mark. I have got so caught up with trying to help and be supportive that I have not considered people's sensitivities and privacy. I think I may have put people in difficult situations without thinking my actions through properly and so apologies have been needed and been forthcoming.
It has always been a failure of mine that I go crashing into situations without thinking of the consequences but it's always with the best of intentions. I think that I get so caught up in the moment that I don't think clearly.  I really need to learn and remember for next time that I go blindly jumping in with both feet.

So, tomorrow, on Mother's Day, I shall be up and getting ready to run. I shall have two of my four 'children' in the house as they are running with me. I shall have my usual banana pancake for breakfast and I will open the present that I already have waiting for me from my eldest daughter. Yes, of course, even though she has 5 week old twins and one with extra needs, my daughter has gone out and got me a present with a balloon attached for Mother's Day. Honestly, that girl!

Happy Mother's Day to all of you mummies reading this. I hope that you have a lovely day and are shown love and appreciation by your children.

Here is a very old photo of Mum who I miss everyday. I love you Mum and I wish you were here xxx