£950 And Counting#Addenbrookes#Stickler#Proud

Hi folks,

It's Sunday evening, we have just enjoyed a roast beef dinner cooked by our youngest daughter and The Princess Bride is on the TV. Inconceivable! This film is a firm family favourite along with Dirty Dancing, Ferris Bueller's Day Off  and Home Alone.

My daughter asked me if I knew what I was going to blog about this week and I told her that I often have good ideas of subjects in the middle of the night (when I regularly wake up) but come the morning I have no idea again.

This week has been good. I have done more cooking and the littlest dog, despite being sick 4 times in the last hour, has been given the all clear by the vet following her surgery and so we have returned to proper dog walking. The weather has been lovely for the last few days too so bits and pieces have been done in the garden and everyone seems happy.


My eldest daughter is expanding at a rate of knots with her twin pregnancy and has been enjoying a weeks holiday in Zante. She returns home tomorrow and then, on Wednesday, she has an appointment for her 20 week scan where she and her hubby hope to find out whether they are having boys, girls or, indeed, one of each which is what lots of people seem to think is the most probable outcome. I am just excited!!

A week or so ago I heard that my cousin's son had died. I didn't know him but I wanted to support my cousin and represent the family so to speak so I offered to attend the funeral at the crematorium and my cousin replied that she would pleased if I could go so I agreed.
Readers may or may not know that I have had major issues with anxiety over the years and attending a funeral is one of the very worst triggers for me. I really do seem to have most of my anxiety under control these days which is wonderful so I was completely thrown when I arrived at the crematorium in a bit of a pickle. Heart racing, hands sweating, face red and blotchy, shaking knees, needing the loo etc etc. Concerned whether anyone would recognise me or speak to me and much deeper catastrophic thoughts like what happens if I faint during the service or have a heart attack. Yes, that was how I felt and how my thought processes were. It was horrible.
Of course, none of my worries were realised and the service was moving, well attended and drama free. All of my cousins were pleased to see me. I did speak to them and they were pleased that I had made the effort to be there with them.
Once my anxious state had abated and my face had returned to it's usual colour I sat in the car and thought about how I had felt. Yes, it was horrible and scary. Yes, I've felt that way a thousand times before but I'm always ok. What did surprise me was that I couldn't remember the last time that I felt like that when I used to feel like that at least once a week. It just underlined for me how far I have come.

The other thing that I thought I might mention is that my son and have nearly hit our target of raising £1000 for Stickler Diagnostic Clinic  based at Addenbrookes. We completed the Surrey Three Peaks back in April and raised over £700 and Jack's employers have just this week donated £250 via their match funding scheme which is wonderful. We are waiting to have the total from the two collecting tins that we had and gave back to the hospital a week or so ago and then we will see how we have got on. I will be overjoyed if we hit our target and I think we probably will.
With Stickler Syndrome being so prevalent in my family, it is important to me that we support the clinic and the people there who do such great work for families like ours. We never know when we might need their expertise and their services and it is very reassuring for us that we know they are there to help us if we need them.

So, onwards and upwards. Let's see what this week brings. Already planned is a catch up with friends, helping my son and his girlfriend move to a new flat, maternity shopping with my daughter and the prospect of the result of the scan for my daughter on Wednesday.

 I'm off to set my alarm so I can see the Blood Moon which is supposed to be visible from 1am.

Take care and enjoy your week everyone.

xxxxx

Beach Hut Joy and Dog Dramas

Hi everyone,

After last week's depressing update I have tried to get my act together and sort myself out. It really has been hard work but I think I'm getting there. I really am grateful for my life and all the people and good things in it so the reason for my gloominess will remain unresolved for now.

This week has seen our 'new' little dog Bella go in for surgery at the local animal hospital. She was spayed on Wednesday and is making a marvellous recovery from what is regarded as major surgery. She is back to her bouncy self which is good but the bounciness leaves her open to agitating the wound which, until today, has been healing nicely. This morning I noticed a bit of oozing from the wound so she is now wearing a collar to stop her licking the area and she is back to spending more time in her crate....which I borrowed from friends and which I can fit in!
Harvey, our 5 year old Lab, has taken to our new house guest with no problem. He is, literally, 10 times the size of her. She weighs in at 4.5 kgs and he is a massive 35 - 40 kgs! He is a big old softee and is quite happy for Bella to take bones out of his mouth and for her to climb over him to get to me. He really is a wonderful dog and we all love him.

                                                         
                                                          Dribble!

Today, for about 15 minutes, we thought that we had lost Bella. She is so little - much smaller than we are used to - that it is easy for her to slip past unnoticed. Having said that, she doesn't venture very far from us at any time. Anyway, she couldn't be found and, having lost a dog on a busy road years ago and being aware of the trauma that caused, we were all concerned for our little munchkin. Hubby and I walked round the local roads calling her name and whistling for her. I spoke to several neighbours who hadn't seen her but who said they would keep an eye out for her.
Of course she was found....in the house....in the cupboard under the stairs. She had ventured in there when the door was open, no one had seen her go in there and then the door was shut on her and she couldn't get out. Relief all round as you can imagine.

Today I also went to the beach hut with the intention of shutting it up for the season. The contents of the hut tend to get damp from here on in so I usually bring the bench cushions, pillows, blankets etc home for the winter.
When my daughter and I got to the hut the weather was glorious. It was incredibly warm and sunny and there were all manner of watersports taking place on The Solent. We got two chairs out and sat in the warmth of the sun shine.  The packing up of the hut will have to wait for another day. I did bring the cushions back but that was all.
I have a book, like a visitors book, that I try to write in on every visit to the hut and today my daughter wrote the entry. I have not read it yet so I have no idea what she wrote. She did read me the entry for August 31st 2104 which said that we had sold our house and that I couldn't believe it!
Time flies doesn't it? We have been in our house for nearly a year now and so much has happened since then.
My hut remains my place of respite and my joy. I love spending time there so much and I love that my family love it too. My grandchildren always want to go there and that is very special to me.
I feel that I haven't spent as much time as I should have there this year but I have been there when I could. I know that it needs work and I have painted it this year but it is a labour of love and I will get there in time. Who would have thought that a shed at the seaside could bring so much pleasure?

Life is good and there is so much to enjoy and so much to love. I have my dogs and my hut. I have my health and home. I have my husband and my family and friends. I am very fortunate. I only have to look at the news to realise just how fortunate I am.
I guess we are all allowed our down days. Those are the days that we have to dig deep and remind ourselves how lucky we really are.
This is my 101st post on this blog and I still love doing it. I know that I may have been too open occasionally but that is just me. I always try to think before I publish anything remotely personal.
 I have to say that I have found blogging very therapeutic. I think it has helped me to get my thoughts in order, helped me to think more clearly and, not to sound dramatic but, helped me to find myself. I am sure that sounds extreme and a bit sad but that's kind of how it feels...for now at least so I intend to continue for as long as I can.

Onwards and upwards folks. Let's live our lives to the full, make memories and have fun.

xxxxx

Down In The Dumps

Hi folks,

I think this is going to be a less upbeat, more of a 'clear my head' kind of update - the kind of thing that I find therapeutic but which might not make for very interesting reading. Apologies in advance.

I've had another busy week. Maybe therein lies the problem. I'm not sleeping well at all. I am waking at 3am regularly for no reason and then cannot get back to sleep. My head feels full of 'stuff''. Nothing dreadfully important but thoughts that make no sense and which are clogging up my thinking and making me appear absent and forgetful. I'm not concentrating properly and I am forgetting things. I am snacking even more than usual and my diet is not great. I have started drinking the odd glass of wine or two again and I absolutely know that doesn't help.
I am also worried about money. I don't have a job at the moment and that is my choice. Hubby is in agreement that I have some time off but I am really worried. I think it's because I don't have my own money and, therefore,  I have to think very carefully about everything that I spend and feel that I have to justify the purchase. This is an issue for me and always has been. I hate having to justify myself in any way. I also feel that I should be working because I am able to not because I particularly want to. I have always worked unless I have been pregnant or ill and now I am neither of those things and I'm not sure how to proceed.

I haven't got loads on my mind for any particular reason so I'm not sure what is going on. I just feel wiped out and weary and I feel guilty for feeling that way.

We had the luxury of having three of the grandchildren to stay over on Friday evening which was lovely if tiring. Fortunately I had assistance in the guise of daughter and her partner and hubby so I didn't need to keep my eye on things all the time but I still felt exhausted after I dropped them off the next day.
However, when it came to bedtime I shared my bed with the three of them until they went to sleep and I was transported back to time spent with my Nan when myself, my younger brother and sister would stay with her in her double bed. She used to love having us to stay and she always spoilt us. We used to lay in bed chattering away late into the night with Nan and eventually she would tell us to stop talking and go to sleep. I found myself doing the same with my own grandchildren.

I think, because I'm so tired, I've not been able to shake my thoughts of Nan and, therefore, Mum. I loved them both so much and even now, nearly 40 years after Nan died, I still miss her. I miss them both. There is so much that I would like to tell them and so much that I want to ask them. I'd give anything to be able to talk to my Mum again and hear her voice. And now I've made myself cry. That just shows you the state of mind I'm in at the moment I think!

Maybe it's the time of year, the gloomy wet weather or the fact that I've had to have the heating on that is making me feel this way.
I know that I must sound ungrateful. I have so very much to be thankful for in my life. I just feel stuck and I'm not sure how to move forward. Hopefully this will be a blip and the doldrums will be over soon enough. Let's hope so for all our sakes!!

Really sorry for the negativity and for the tone of this update. I'll publish it but won't link it to facebook or email it to anyone like I usually do. If anyone stumbles across it as some point and reads it then that's fine. This blog is a 'warts and all' blog after all. It's about my life and this is how it is sometimes.

xxxx

Happy Birthdays and Horrible Dog Bites

Hi folks.

I hope you are all well. The sun is shining here for the second consecutive day which is lovely and it has the added bonus of making dog walking a joy. It also makes me want to go to the beach hut which I feel I have not given as much attention to as I should have this last month or so just because I have been busy. It will soon be time to pack it up for the winter so I really must make the effort to get there as soon as I can.

Now, onto the latest news....

...the past week has seen the birthdays of my eldest daughter who is now 32 (how did that happen?!) and my youngest granddaughter who is now 5.
My granddaughter loves princesses and Disney but she also loves babies. I really didn't know what to get for her on the Disney theme and, to be honest, I wasn't sure what she already had so I took a chance and brought her Tiny Tears, the doll that cries, burps, laughs and wets itself.
Tiny Tears was the doll to have when I was young and my youngest daughter had Tiny Tears too but I had no idea that the doll was still manufactured. A trip to Argos was all it took to ascertain that the doll was still available. I purchased the doll - the last one in the shop - and then asked my daughter if it was a suitable gift for the birthday girl. I was really surprised that my daughter didn't know what Tiny Tears was but once she had Googled it she told me it was the perfect present and she was correct.

When my granddaughter opened her present she was overjoyed and immediately wanted to feed and change her 'baby'.
The next day it was her first day at 'big' school which she was anxious about. Later in the day I was sent a photo of my granddaughter after school with a big smile on her face and clutching her Tiny Tears. Happy Nanny!

The second birthday to be celebrated was that of my eldest daughter - the one who is pregnant with twins - and the one who loves her birthday more than anyone else I know and always has done.
She has always gone out of her way to make other peoples birthdays special and my youngest daughter decided that she wanted to repay the favour and give the birthday girl the kind of birthday that she really wanted.
After some consultation and with a list or two in hand we went shopping for the requested jelly, ice cream, sausage rolls, crisps and dips and bits required for various sandwiches. Youngest daughter also purchased party bags, banners, napkins and plates, a tablecloth and candles for the cake which was a shop purchase in the design of a Jammy Dodger, another item that had been requested.
I made cheese straws and butterfly cakes and that was it really.
The birthday girl wanted to spend her birthday with her immediate family and had spent the previous evening with her Dad and had had a lovely time. When she got to our house the party food was set up, presents wrapped, cards written and Spotify playlist of her favourite songs was being played.

Throughout the afternoon and evening all of the family arrived - sisters, brother, nephews and nieces, partners et al. The sun shone, Pass The Parcel was played, the children had great fun with the dogs and the food and drink was a great success. It was just what my daughter had wanted and she was delighted which was wonderful.
 As I said earlier, she always goes out of her way for everyone else so for us to be able to give her the day that she wanted with the people she wanted was fantastic.
We finished of the evening with fireworks which is another of her passions and she was a very happy lady.
Most of the family stayed overnight and so we had bacon sandwiches or egg on toast for breakfast with a few mugs of tea before the birthday girl decided that she wanted to come for a walk with me to take the dogs out.
We went on one of our favourite dog walks  Queen Elizabeth Country Park  and had a good old natter while being amazed at the beautiful scenery. As we approached the end of the walk I put the dogs on leads as I always do and walked down the path to the car. We were immediately approached by 3 spaniels who had just arrived at the park and were off leads. They surrounded me and my biggest dog and one of them proceeded to aggressively attack him. I have never witnessed anything quite like it and it was very, very scary.
My daughter took my other dog to the car while I attempted to prise the horrid spaniel off of my now terrified dog who was still on the lead and who had no hope of getting away. My concern was that if I let go of the lead there would be a full blown fight and I wouldn't be able to separate the dogs. Because I held onto the lead I was almost pulled over in the scramble.
The person who was responsible for the three dogs seemed clueless and just shouted at the dogs to try to get them away. This was hopeless and made no difference. By this time the offending spaniel was climbing on the back of Harvey and was actively trying to bite him. He seemed like a dog possessed.
I screamed at the woman to get him away but she had no hope. In the end I kicked the dog in the mouth area as I had no other option. At some point in the scramble I got bitten above my knee and it hurt. I was aware of it straight away.
After I had kicked out at the dog it backed off a bit. I was livid and shaken up. The woman who was responsible for the dogs simply said that the nasty dog didn't belong to her and that she was looking after it for someone. She said that usually it was other dogs that attacked her dogs and not the other way around. I told her 3 times that I had been bitten and she made no response.
As she finally got the dog on a lead she apologised. I was very angry but was also worried about my own dog who I knew must have been bitten too. I just wanted to get home and make sure that we were both ok.
I checked my dog over and he seemed ok although, this morning, I have found several grazes on his back - not enough to warrant a trip to the vets thank goodness.
I, however, made a trip to the local Minor Injuries Unit as the bite on my leg had broken the skin. I was prescribed antibiotics and my knee is now quite bruised. I think I'm lucky that I only got bitten once.

So that's my week in as few words as I can get away with. There have also been a few cooking and baking attempts which I will leave you with.

Snow Queen and Chocolate Sauce (Hairy Bikers)

Rum Babas (Hairy Bikers)

Have a lovely week everyone.

xxxxxx