Hi everyone,
This update is not about my beach hut. I know...shocking, right? I imagine you are all heartily sick of reading about the hut and my happiness with it so this one is back to the personal stuff. You have been warned.
As you may know, over the last couple of months I have been having CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) in an effort to try to sort out my issues and anxieties. You may also know that I have been taking antidepressants since February and that I have had counselling and been on various medications on and over for the best part of my adult life.
I went into the CBT with nothing to lose and I was offered it by my GP after hitting another anxiety low point and getting myself into a right old state.
I have lots of books on anxiety and stress which I have read from cover to cover and have read many times too...usually when it's too late to prevent the anxiety and in a desperate attempt to get myself out of it before it's too late...which, of course, it is by then. By the time I realise that I'm struggling there isn't much point in trying to read anything because they are just words on a page and I can't make sense of them. I have found that none of the ideas in these wonderful books make sense when I am already struggling. I need to read them when I am well and able to take in all the information and not forget it after I turn the each page!
Well, I approached my first session of therapy with mixed emotions. What was the therapist going to be like? Would he/she judge me? Did I really need therapy? What would I have to do? Would it really be able to help me with my chronic anxiety? I was very happy to give it a try and I had nothing to lose and everything to gain.
I waited nervously in the doctor's waiting room until I was called through by a young man which immediately made me feel awkward because I was expecting an older person for some reason. We introduced ourselves to each other and he asked me what my problems were/ are and what I would like the outcome to be of the sessions to which I replied that I would just love to be able to live my life without worrying about every single little thing, to stop doubting myself and stop worrying about what people think of me all the time. I remember thinking that that was an outrageous thing to even contemplate as I have lived my life in some anxious stare or another for as long as I can remember.
Each session ended with me being given some homework which I have done religiously and which I won't come as any surprise to anyone who knows me!
After session three it seemed that most of my anxiety is socially driven. Hence my dread of parties, any gatherings, dinner invitations ...the list goes on and on. This anxiety then leads to me hating cinemas, making phone calls, needing a way out of every situation, sitting at the end of rows, looking for exits. I'm not joking. Many a time I have sat at the end of a row in the cinema almost frozen with stress, fidgeting and feeling scared in case anything happens to someone near me and what would I do if it did. I think it's called catastrophising. I have lived this way for many years and it has almost become the norm apart from the fact that it was making me feel ill and wearing me out and when things were bad they were very bad. When things were ok ( I felt they were good at the time) I was just getting through each day but feeling like I was on the verge of something horrible all the time. When things were bad I was almost unable to function or at least that's what it felt like inside. I could carry on working and getting through the days but that's all I was doing.
By session 4 of CBT something was going on that I couldn't explain. I felt different but I didn't know why. I had not had any traumatised sleep, I had not had any episodes of blotchiness and redness that has plagued my life for so long. I felt more relaxed and confident but I couldn't understand why or explain it . I just felt different.
At the end of that session my homework was to make phone calls to anyone but especially to people that I didn't know. The very thought of it made me feel sick and I told my counsellor that I would try but I couldn't promise anything.
Guess what? I went home and made phone calls and within the space of three calls I felt completely different about it. I know it sounds crazy and stupid and so on but making calls has always made me feel incredibly uncomfortable and so I don't (didn't!) make them. The invention of texts and e mails was a godsend for me because I didn't have to talk to people but I could stay in contact with them.
That has changed! I'm not saying I spend hours on the phone but if a call needs to be made I pick up the phone a make that call. It's easy and it's been liberating for me. I can't quite believe it.
The next weeks homework was to go to the cinema and not sit at the end of the row and go when it was busy. I did that too although I did have en empty seat next to me through chance. I didn't sit at the end of the row, I focussed on the film and not how I was feeling or how I could escape and I had a great time. Amazing!
Following on from this I have been to several family functions which I always find difficult ( I know...family, who know me,....go figure!), met up with colleagues from work, hosted a gathering myself and coped with a couple of, what would previously been dramas to me with honestly no problem.
Next week is my last week of therapy and I'm ok with that. I feel so different, so, very different, that I think I'm going to be fine. I know that there will be situations that I will have to deal with that will make me feel uncomfortable or scared but I know that I will be able to deal with them.
I'm not saying I am 'cured', if that is even the right word, because I will always be an anxiety prone person but I feel better than I can ever remember feeling in my whole life and that is a bloody huge thing to be able to say!!
I don't know if CBT works for everyone but I can't recommend it enough. It has been life changing for me and long may that continue. In my head there is a little voice that keeps asking me how long I can hope to keep feeling like this. I tell that little voice that it's up to me and I want to keep feeling like this forever.
Ok, personal update finished. I hope it's not difficult or uncomfortable to read. I just wanted to share my elation and my pride in myself for changing things around and feeling happy in my own skin.
Have a great weekend all.
Much love as always.
xxxxx
Saturday 28 June 2014
Monday 23 June 2014
Life Is Good
Hi everyone,
I do hope you have all been enjoying the sunshine and the wonderful weather. Summer is here and isn't it glorious?
I have been wondering, quite seriously, whether I ought to start a separate blog for my beach hut updates because I'm aware that that must be all I ever seem to blog about but then I'd never have the time to update date it and I'd only end up getting more confused than I do already so I will stick with the one blog and try to mix it up a bit but, for this entry, just go with the beach hut theme for today if you would be so kind.
I have to say that I have had the most wonderful week. In keeping with my promise to myself to do things and not just think about doing them one day - life is to short and all that - my daughter and I spent the day on the Isle of Wight on Wednesday. I had booked the ferry a few weeks earlier and we took the car over so that we could get about and not have to rely on public transport.
We started the day off in murky drizzly conditions and ended the day sipping Pimms by the beach in a bar nestled between two rows of beach huts which was actually called The Hut. If I was ever to own a bar that would be the one for me without a doubt.
Our first port of call was Ryde where I know that my maternal grandfather and his family lived from when he was a toddler until he came to Guildford in the late 1930's. We found the road that he used to live in and the church, All Saints, where he married his first wife.
The original house that he lived in has been replaced by flats but we were able to stand where the house was and look down the hill, past the church and see Ryde esplanade.
We went into the church and bumped into the vicar who gave us lots of information on the building. We were able to take lots of pictures which we did and we tried to imagine my Grandad and his new wife kneeling at the alter, taking their vows and then walking down the aisle as husband and wife.
My Grandad had a younger brother called Arthur. The road that runs next to the house that my Grandad used to live in as a child is called....
I am more than a little bit intrigued which came first, Arthur the baby or Arthur the street. It may be that Arthur Street is named after my great uncle. If that was the case, he may have done something brave or good. Of course, he may have been named after the street which isn't so impressive!
After our investigations we went down to the esplanade and walked along the pier, had a coffee and wandered back again. While we were doing so we chatted and wondered how many times had my Grandad walked along that pier and taken the same steps as we had.
Then it was on to our next port of call, The Needles. My daughter had mentioned several times that that was the one place she really wanted to go to so off we went. We took a slight detour (aka I got lost) but got there eventually - thank goodness it's a small island! - and immediately recognised the area from years ago.
The sun was now shining and there was only one thing for it, a trip down to the beach via the chairlift and a boat trip out to The Needles.
Now I have just realised that my good pics of The Needles are on my iPad so I may have to add them later if that's possible.
OK...here are the missing pics....
We forced ourselves to have a cream tea...
...sat in the sunshine and then drove about until we stumbled on the previously mentioned bar and soon it was time to get on the ferry back to Portsmouth.
The weather was still glorious and so we decided to drive to my hut via the fish and chip shop and round off our day eating our supper at the hut....
It had truly been a wonderful day. I was exhilarated by the experience and loved spending quality time with one of my girls.
Moving on to Saturday and middle daughter and I had decided a while ago to host a Poppy Picnic which was promoted and supported by The Royal British Legion. It seemed like a worthwhile cause to support as I have many childhood memories of supporting RBL in various ways including standing with my Nan in the High Street with a poppy collection box in the cold in November!
Anyway, I decided it would be the perfect opportunity to invite friends and family to my hut and so the picnic was held at what is fast becoming my home from home.
The idea was took invite people to bring their own picnics, I would provide cakes and drinks and people would make a small donation in the collection box if they wished. Although it was a fundraising event, it was much more about having a lovely day as far as I was concerned.
The previous day I spent most of the day making cakes etc and packing up the car with chairs and blankets and so on and so, on the Saturday morning, I had little to prepare. I was down at the hut by 10.30 am and set up and ready to go by 11!
You can see from the photos that the weather was perfect. All I needed was for a few people to visit and visit they did! A few other hut owners popped by for drinks and cakes and friends and family came and went as they wanted do.
I had more cakes and food than I knew what to do with but almost everything went!
I really can't put into words how totally fantastic and wonderful the whole day was and what was even more brilliant for me was that I wasn't stressed or worried about it at all in any way. Usually that kind of event would leave me anxious for days in the build up to it and exhausted by the end of it was I can honestly say it was one of the best days I've ever had.
We stayed until about 8.30 pm and would have stayed even longer but all of the children were getting weary. They had spent their day in and out of the sea, going to the funfair and eating drinking all manner of sugar filled goodies that they probably wouldn't normally be allowed to have.
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Among our visitors were 3 friends of mine from school. We had a group photo taken. We all look really good! The scary thing is that we worked out that we have know each other for 43 years and that 2 of us have know each other a lot longer as our mums were great friends when we were very young. How time flies but how amazing that we are still friends and still in touch with each other. We all have our own families - grandchildren in some cases! - but what an achievement to still be in touch.
I haven't yet counted the money in the collection box but I think that the British Legion will be about £75 better off thanks to the contributions made by everyone. A wonderful day and raised some money for a great cause at the same time. Result!
I'd better go and do something constructive now before heading back to work in a little while.
Thank you for taking the time to read this, thank you to everyone who has made the last week so special - family and friends, you know who you are - and thank you to whoever/whatever is making my life so fantastic at the moment. I feel incredibly blessed.
Much love
XXXXX
I do hope you have all been enjoying the sunshine and the wonderful weather. Summer is here and isn't it glorious?
I have been wondering, quite seriously, whether I ought to start a separate blog for my beach hut updates because I'm aware that that must be all I ever seem to blog about but then I'd never have the time to update date it and I'd only end up getting more confused than I do already so I will stick with the one blog and try to mix it up a bit but, for this entry, just go with the beach hut theme for today if you would be so kind.
I have to say that I have had the most wonderful week. In keeping with my promise to myself to do things and not just think about doing them one day - life is to short and all that - my daughter and I spent the day on the Isle of Wight on Wednesday. I had booked the ferry a few weeks earlier and we took the car over so that we could get about and not have to rely on public transport.
We started the day off in murky drizzly conditions and ended the day sipping Pimms by the beach in a bar nestled between two rows of beach huts which was actually called The Hut. If I was ever to own a bar that would be the one for me without a doubt.
Our first port of call was Ryde where I know that my maternal grandfather and his family lived from when he was a toddler until he came to Guildford in the late 1930's. We found the road that he used to live in and the church, All Saints, where he married his first wife.
The original house that he lived in has been replaced by flats but we were able to stand where the house was and look down the hill, past the church and see Ryde esplanade.
We went into the church and bumped into the vicar who gave us lots of information on the building. We were able to take lots of pictures which we did and we tried to imagine my Grandad and his new wife kneeling at the alter, taking their vows and then walking down the aisle as husband and wife.
My Grandad had a younger brother called Arthur. The road that runs next to the house that my Grandad used to live in as a child is called....
After our investigations we went down to the esplanade and walked along the pier, had a coffee and wandered back again. While we were doing so we chatted and wondered how many times had my Grandad walked along that pier and taken the same steps as we had.
Then it was on to our next port of call, The Needles. My daughter had mentioned several times that that was the one place she really wanted to go to so off we went. We took a slight detour (aka I got lost) but got there eventually - thank goodness it's a small island! - and immediately recognised the area from years ago.
The sun was now shining and there was only one thing for it, a trip down to the beach via the chairlift and a boat trip out to The Needles.
Now I have just realised that my good pics of The Needles are on my iPad so I may have to add them later if that's possible.
OK...here are the missing pics....
We forced ourselves to have a cream tea...
...sat in the sunshine and then drove about until we stumbled on the previously mentioned bar and soon it was time to get on the ferry back to Portsmouth.
The weather was still glorious and so we decided to drive to my hut via the fish and chip shop and round off our day eating our supper at the hut....
It had truly been a wonderful day. I was exhilarated by the experience and loved spending quality time with one of my girls.
Moving on to Saturday and middle daughter and I had decided a while ago to host a Poppy Picnic which was promoted and supported by The Royal British Legion. It seemed like a worthwhile cause to support as I have many childhood memories of supporting RBL in various ways including standing with my Nan in the High Street with a poppy collection box in the cold in November!
Anyway, I decided it would be the perfect opportunity to invite friends and family to my hut and so the picnic was held at what is fast becoming my home from home.
The idea was took invite people to bring their own picnics, I would provide cakes and drinks and people would make a small donation in the collection box if they wished. Although it was a fundraising event, it was much more about having a lovely day as far as I was concerned.
The previous day I spent most of the day making cakes etc and packing up the car with chairs and blankets and so on and so, on the Saturday morning, I had little to prepare. I was down at the hut by 10.30 am and set up and ready to go by 11!
You can see from the photos that the weather was perfect. All I needed was for a few people to visit and visit they did! A few other hut owners popped by for drinks and cakes and friends and family came and went as they wanted do.
I had more cakes and food than I knew what to do with but almost everything went!
I really can't put into words how totally fantastic and wonderful the whole day was and what was even more brilliant for me was that I wasn't stressed or worried about it at all in any way. Usually that kind of event would leave me anxious for days in the build up to it and exhausted by the end of it was I can honestly say it was one of the best days I've ever had.
We stayed until about 8.30 pm and would have stayed even longer but all of the children were getting weary. They had spent their day in and out of the sea, going to the funfair and eating drinking all manner of sugar filled goodies that they probably wouldn't normally be allowed to have.
Among our visitors were 3 friends of mine from school. We had a group photo taken. We all look really good! The scary thing is that we worked out that we have know each other for 43 years and that 2 of us have know each other a lot longer as our mums were great friends when we were very young. How time flies but how amazing that we are still friends and still in touch with each other. We all have our own families - grandchildren in some cases! - but what an achievement to still be in touch.
I haven't yet counted the money in the collection box but I think that the British Legion will be about £75 better off thanks to the contributions made by everyone. A wonderful day and raised some money for a great cause at the same time. Result!
I'd better go and do something constructive now before heading back to work in a little while.
Thank you for taking the time to read this, thank you to everyone who has made the last week so special - family and friends, you know who you are - and thank you to whoever/whatever is making my life so fantastic at the moment. I feel incredibly blessed.
Much love
XXXXX
Monday 16 June 2014
Happy, Happy Days!
Hi everyone.
I do hope that you are all feeling fine and dandy and life is treating you well.
This update is really going to be full of what a great weekend I have just had so if you don't want to read about how happy I am feeling then please don't read any further. You have been warned!!
I actually started this post this morning at about 4.30 as I was wide awake at work. However, half an hour after I started typing, and while I was trying to add some photos to brighten the page, the computer froze and I eventually lost patience with it and decided to start again later.
So on with my weekend which went something like this: shopping, beach hut, world cup, BBQ, cocktails, wedding, birthday, sunshine, family, Father's day, Zizzi's and then back to work last night.
The shopping included me returning items that I had forgotten that I had brought in an attempt to raise some funds, then spending the refunded money on other items - specifically a dress from Fat Face and a fascinator and matching jewellery to wear to the upcoming wedding. Not much money being saved there but there you go.
When I returned from shopping, hubby, on an rare day off, decided that he wanted to have a BBQ. The weather was good so it seemed like a good plan. I decided to leave him to organise on his own without me nagging and reminding and getting caught up preparing salads and stuff. I took myself to the beach hut to keep out of the way and I stayed there all afternoon.
The weather was wonderful. It was very quiet there and so I pottered about and, en route, I stopped at the local hardware store that is like an Aladdin's Cave of treasure aka junk and which sells all you could want for a hut and much much more. I left the store with 3 plastic chairs for the grandchildren, a new sun parasol and a spinning windmill and 2 new locks for the hut doors.
Again, so much for saving the pennies.
I dragged myself away from the hut just after 6 pm and I only left then because of the BBQ if I'm honest. i could quite happily have stayed there until it was dark.
However, hubby had slaved over the preparations so I got home in plenty of time to enjoy the food and the drink which included his own version of a Margarita ( or is it a Mojito? I don't know!) The cocktails were good and very strong and if I had been wearing any socks they would have been blown off. Cocktails were followed by Prosecco which is never a good idea for me! We had a lovely evening interspersed with shouting about the ongoing football match which I believe Holland were involved in.
I took myself off to bed at a respectable time as I knew I had a busy day coming up. My cocktail fuelled deep sleep enabled me to be only very vaguely aware of the storm that apparently raged around the area for several hours overnight!
Saturday saw our youngest daughter's birthday and our niece's wedding day.Once again, the weather looked promising. I had already decided to be the driver for the day as I had work on the Sunday.
The birthday girl was up and about and as excited for her day as she was when she was 4. She is now 24! Her boyf made her a lovely breakfast and also made scrummy pancakes for hubby and I which were much appreciated. Presents were opened, cards were put up and then we started to get ready for the wedding.
I do hope that you are all feeling fine and dandy and life is treating you well.
This update is really going to be full of what a great weekend I have just had so if you don't want to read about how happy I am feeling then please don't read any further. You have been warned!!
I actually started this post this morning at about 4.30 as I was wide awake at work. However, half an hour after I started typing, and while I was trying to add some photos to brighten the page, the computer froze and I eventually lost patience with it and decided to start again later.
So on with my weekend which went something like this: shopping, beach hut, world cup, BBQ, cocktails, wedding, birthday, sunshine, family, Father's day, Zizzi's and then back to work last night.
The shopping included me returning items that I had forgotten that I had brought in an attempt to raise some funds, then spending the refunded money on other items - specifically a dress from Fat Face and a fascinator and matching jewellery to wear to the upcoming wedding. Not much money being saved there but there you go.
When I returned from shopping, hubby, on an rare day off, decided that he wanted to have a BBQ. The weather was good so it seemed like a good plan. I decided to leave him to organise on his own without me nagging and reminding and getting caught up preparing salads and stuff. I took myself to the beach hut to keep out of the way and I stayed there all afternoon.
The weather was wonderful. It was very quiet there and so I pottered about and, en route, I stopped at the local hardware store that is like an Aladdin's Cave of treasure aka junk and which sells all you could want for a hut and much much more. I left the store with 3 plastic chairs for the grandchildren, a new sun parasol and a spinning windmill and 2 new locks for the hut doors.
I dragged myself away from the hut just after 6 pm and I only left then because of the BBQ if I'm honest. i could quite happily have stayed there until it was dark.
However, hubby had slaved over the preparations so I got home in plenty of time to enjoy the food and the drink which included his own version of a Margarita ( or is it a Mojito? I don't know!) The cocktails were good and very strong and if I had been wearing any socks they would have been blown off. Cocktails were followed by Prosecco which is never a good idea for me! We had a lovely evening interspersed with shouting about the ongoing football match which I believe Holland were involved in.
I took myself off to bed at a respectable time as I knew I had a busy day coming up. My cocktail fuelled deep sleep enabled me to be only very vaguely aware of the storm that apparently raged around the area for several hours overnight!
Saturday saw our youngest daughter's birthday and our niece's wedding day.Once again, the weather looked promising. I had already decided to be the driver for the day as I had work on the Sunday.
The birthday girl was up and about and as excited for her day as she was when she was 4. She is now 24! Her boyf made her a lovely breakfast and also made scrummy pancakes for hubby and I which were much appreciated. Presents were opened, cards were put up and then we started to get ready for the wedding.
Birthday girl in her birthday hat
The wedding was at a beautiful local church where we have attended christenings before. The vicar there is a character and makes every service accessible for everyone. The church was full of family and friends of the bride and groom all waiting for the bride to arrive - which she did, on time and looking absolutely stunning.
The ceremony was joyful and occasionally emotion and the bride had spent a lot of time picking out the songs that she wanted played. They included 'All things bright and beautiful', 'Amazing Grace' and 'Nimrod' which were all songs that reminded her of people who are no longer with us and that were a big part of her and her new husband's lives.
It really was a wonderful day. The heavens opened at one point during the service but it soon cleared up and the sun shone for the rest of the afternoon and evening.
The evening was especially enjoyable because all of my family were there. My brothers and sisters and their families, my own children and their partners and children all came and it really completed the day for me.
There are a lot of young children in the brides family and the wedding was made really special by the inclusion of everyone.
For me, on a personal level, it was fantastic to see my own children getting along and to see my grandchildren having such fun. It was also a joy to spend time with my siblings and their partners. We have been through so much as a family and shared good times and bad and the fact that we are all still here and all still healthy and happy (and talking to each other!) speaks volumes. I know we love each other and I could feel the love on Saturday night. I know that may sound soppy but it's true!
And, of course, Saturday evening saw England's first foray into the World Cup finals in Brazil. The game was being shown at the wedding reception but it had been a long day and we decided to head home at about 10.30 pm. I drove my first batch of passengers home and then returned for the second pick up and missed 2 goals for my troubles.
I'm not yet caught up in the football/world cup hype but I was disappointed that the team lost. However, I had a house full watching the game so I stayed up with them and had a cup of tea and tried to stay awake until it was all over.
Sunday arrived and Father's Day was upon us. I put a pic of me with my Dad on Facebook which made me smile. He looks happy and healthy in the photo, albeit with cigarette in hand. Hubby took our dog out for a walk and then went to see his dad and took him to the cricket club where we have bench erected in memory of my mother in law. It would have been her birthday on June 12th so hubby and one of his brothers thought they would take their Dad over to the club and sit on the bench with a beer and remember their Mum. I think it went well.
Then it was off to Zizzi's for a mid afternoon pizza with hubby and the 'kids' which was very pleasant and before I knew it it was time to think about getting ready for my night shift.
That, in as few words as possible, was my weekend. The happiest weekend I have had in a very long time. A weekend full of everything I love. A weekend full of love and happiness. A weekend when it just feels great to be alive.
Much love and thank you for taking the time to read this.
A xxx
Sunday 8 June 2014
Early Mornings and Grey Hair Dilemas
Morning all,
It's a very very early morning as I've been awake since 4.30am and I have given up trying to go back to sleep. Hence this early post!
The birds are being extremely noisy outside my window so I have opened the curtains to see what is going on and I'm amazed to see such a clear blue sky at such an early hour. The more I listen to the noises outside the more I can hear. The bird themselves are making all manner of noises,the hum of the traffic is gradually getting louder and I just heard the boiler click into action ready to heat the water for another day.
Talking of birds...I have a real fear/phobia of birds. I don't know why. I don't mind little birds but I am scared of any birds that are black. I am especially scared of dead birds. I'm actually scared of any dead animal to be truthful but birds and rats etc are my biggest dread.
Anyway, our garden is full of life at the moment and I was delighted to see that we had a pigeon nesting in our tree again. Last year we had a pigeon in the same tree that hatched her egg and then the baby died and the mum flew away and never returned so I was pleased to see another nest being built.
Sadly, the magpies have got to the nest and I came home yesterday to find the nest on the grass and the remains of an egg amid the mess. I'm blaming the magpies without any proof but I know what they're like!
Last week, when I was sitting in the garden, I saw a fat baby bird sitting in the hedge. He was sitting in the sun, bold as brass, chirping away. He had two fluffy bits on his head and he was being fed sporadically by his parents.
I have kept an eye on this little fellow and he has been in the garden for most of the week and turns up at odd times. He seems bold but he is probably naive and has no idea what dangers lurk in the big wide world but at least he is still around. I've become strangely attached to the little chap so I hope he stays in the garden for a little while longer.
Weird that my bird phobia doesn't include this little character don't you think? I'm not saying that I could touch him or anything but I'm not scared of him which is surprising to me.
Moving on from the ridiculous early mornings, I thought I should mention my hair!
I have been fighting the good fight against my ever greying hair for many years and recently decided to stop trying to cover up my almost totally grey hair and let nature do it's thing.
I was having to dye my hair more and more often to cover the rampaging grey stuff and I really was getting uncomfortable with using such strong chemicals on my hair. The chemicals were often so strong that they would take my breath away and that can't be good.
So now I am as nature intended and I have an almost totally grey head of hair. Thanks to genetics I think it was always going to be this way. Dad was grey from his 40s I think and Mum wasn't far behind. I recently saw a photo of my brother and he appears to be totally grey now too so it's not just me.
Now, I really don't mind being grey but I have days when I look in the mirror and think
a) I look old
b) I look more like Mum than ever
c) what can I do to add a bit of colour to my visage?
I'm not, and never have been, into beauty, cosmetics and so on. It always seems to be a lot of hassle for minimal effect - lip balm and mascara is usually the best I can do unless it's a special occasion - but should I now start to do more to make up for the lack of colour in my hair? I probably should but probably won't is the honest answer. I wouldn't know where to start and I'm not great at doing things on a permanent basis so I expect I shall just carry on as usual and occasionally smile when I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror and see my Mum smiling back at me!
On a totally different subject, I recently emailed friends and family to ask them if they would answer 4 questions for me. The questions were simple and straightforward. The subject related to something that I am very aware of.
After trying ( and failing ) to ask the questions via Facebook ( I won't be doing that again. Way too complicated) I emailed a selected group of people. Some family, some friends, some males and some females.
Not only was I keen to see the answers, I was interested to see who would take the time to reply to the questions. There were people that I knew would respond and there were people that I knew wouldn't. I was pleasantly surprised by the number of people that took the time to answer my questions and reply.
My questions were part of a process of me trying to understand myself and to try to move forward and I think that I am well on the way.
Do you know what? Life is good and life is for living. It may not always be as you imagined it would be but that's what makes it so special and exciting. Enjoy the good times and grin and bear the bad days.
Well, I may just try and go back to sleep now or I may get up and walk the dog. The choice is mine!
Have a fab day
Xxxxx
It's a very very early morning as I've been awake since 4.30am and I have given up trying to go back to sleep. Hence this early post!
The birds are being extremely noisy outside my window so I have opened the curtains to see what is going on and I'm amazed to see such a clear blue sky at such an early hour. The more I listen to the noises outside the more I can hear. The bird themselves are making all manner of noises,the hum of the traffic is gradually getting louder and I just heard the boiler click into action ready to heat the water for another day.
Talking of birds...I have a real fear/phobia of birds. I don't know why. I don't mind little birds but I am scared of any birds that are black. I am especially scared of dead birds. I'm actually scared of any dead animal to be truthful but birds and rats etc are my biggest dread.
Anyway, our garden is full of life at the moment and I was delighted to see that we had a pigeon nesting in our tree again. Last year we had a pigeon in the same tree that hatched her egg and then the baby died and the mum flew away and never returned so I was pleased to see another nest being built.
Sadly, the magpies have got to the nest and I came home yesterday to find the nest on the grass and the remains of an egg amid the mess. I'm blaming the magpies without any proof but I know what they're like!
Last week, when I was sitting in the garden, I saw a fat baby bird sitting in the hedge. He was sitting in the sun, bold as brass, chirping away. He had two fluffy bits on his head and he was being fed sporadically by his parents.
I have kept an eye on this little fellow and he has been in the garden for most of the week and turns up at odd times. He seems bold but he is probably naive and has no idea what dangers lurk in the big wide world but at least he is still around. I've become strangely attached to the little chap so I hope he stays in the garden for a little while longer.
Weird that my bird phobia doesn't include this little character don't you think? I'm not saying that I could touch him or anything but I'm not scared of him which is surprising to me.
Moving on from the ridiculous early mornings, I thought I should mention my hair!
I have been fighting the good fight against my ever greying hair for many years and recently decided to stop trying to cover up my almost totally grey hair and let nature do it's thing.
I was having to dye my hair more and more often to cover the rampaging grey stuff and I really was getting uncomfortable with using such strong chemicals on my hair. The chemicals were often so strong that they would take my breath away and that can't be good.
So now I am as nature intended and I have an almost totally grey head of hair. Thanks to genetics I think it was always going to be this way. Dad was grey from his 40s I think and Mum wasn't far behind. I recently saw a photo of my brother and he appears to be totally grey now too so it's not just me.
Now, I really don't mind being grey but I have days when I look in the mirror and think
a) I look old
b) I look more like Mum than ever
c) what can I do to add a bit of colour to my visage?
I'm not, and never have been, into beauty, cosmetics and so on. It always seems to be a lot of hassle for minimal effect - lip balm and mascara is usually the best I can do unless it's a special occasion - but should I now start to do more to make up for the lack of colour in my hair? I probably should but probably won't is the honest answer. I wouldn't know where to start and I'm not great at doing things on a permanent basis so I expect I shall just carry on as usual and occasionally smile when I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror and see my Mum smiling back at me!
On a totally different subject, I recently emailed friends and family to ask them if they would answer 4 questions for me. The questions were simple and straightforward. The subject related to something that I am very aware of.
After trying ( and failing ) to ask the questions via Facebook ( I won't be doing that again. Way too complicated) I emailed a selected group of people. Some family, some friends, some males and some females.
Not only was I keen to see the answers, I was interested to see who would take the time to reply to the questions. There were people that I knew would respond and there were people that I knew wouldn't. I was pleasantly surprised by the number of people that took the time to answer my questions and reply.
My questions were part of a process of me trying to understand myself and to try to move forward and I think that I am well on the way.
Do you know what? Life is good and life is for living. It may not always be as you imagined it would be but that's what makes it so special and exciting. Enjoy the good times and grin and bear the bad days.
Well, I may just try and go back to sleep now or I may get up and walk the dog. The choice is mine!
Have a fab day
Xxxxx
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