Hi folks,
I'm sitting here at the dining table after a relatively healthy evening meal which included cauliflower couscous (yes, really!) and the rain is hammering down on the conservatory roof as it has been doing pretty much all day. I have been out with the dogs twice, got soaked twice and the dogs are still drying off 2 hours later. My coat is soaked through and is currently hanging off of a window latch to dry. There is a pool of water beneath it. My trousers are draped over the radiator and the heating is on. Oh, days like these are pretty miserable aren't they?
However, on Friday I will be in Madrid where the weather forecast is a much happier prospect. I gather 27 degrees is the predicted temperature and abundant sunshine is the phrase that has been used to describe how conditions will be on the day we arrive. Bring it on! I shall soon be off to pack shorts, t shirts and flip flops and I can't wait. We are really going to see a Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band concert but thought we would make a proper weekend break of it so it should be great.
Sunshine and sangria with the odd tapas thrown in will be most welcome.
Life has continued in its usual haphazard fashion and the days fly by as usual. Hubby has been away quite a lot which is normal but frustrating when there is so much going on that I would like to talk to him about. All of the grandchildren continue to make progress from the nearly 7 year old down to the little 4 month olds. I adore all of them. My 'children' continue to progress and adjust as their lives continually change and provide their own challenges whether it's worries about health, worries about parenting, worries about future plans or worries about jobs. It's what makes life interesting I guess. I just want to be there for them to support them whenever and however I can and I will do so for as long as I can.
The events of the last few weeks have made me think back to how much my life has changed. Whenever anyone has any kind of mental health issues it is a scary time...either for the person themselves if they are aware of it and/or for their family and friends.
My own experiences of mental health problems over the years have taught me a lot. When at my worst I felt unloved, unloveable, alone, scared, vulnerable, weak and pathetic. I didn't eat because I wasn't hungry but didn't realise it and so I lost a lot of weight quickly which made me think that there was something wrong with me and that I was dying. Typical catastrophic thinking. I couldn't sleep because my mind was always alert and vigilant for any possible threat or danger. I couldn't think clearly because I was so tired. I felt guilty because I couldn't function properly. I felt that no-one understood me and I felt entirely alone. I know that this was untrue. I was surrounded by people who loved me and wanted to help me but I couldn't see it. I couldn't feel it. I couldn't feel anything.
When you feel like this it is so very hard to know what to do. I think that I just started to shut down. I pushed away the people who loved me. I took umbrage at everything that anyone would say. I couldn't see a way out of the mess that I had become. I was scared to be alone with my children because I was scared of being responsible for them if anything went wrong...which it did from time to time.
My GP came to the house on one occasion because I was too scared to leave my home. I wasn't agoraphobic but I think I was probably well on the way to being so and I have been that way several times since. I was convinced that I was a bad wife, a bad daughter, a bad sister and, above all, a bad mother and I didn't know what to do. Medication and rest were prescribed for exhaustion at various times through my adult life when times have been hard.
I do think that I am much more aware of myself and how I feel inside these days and I can certainly feel it when anxiety starts to rear its ugly head. I try to keep things in perspective and I try to remain calm although this is not always easy for me. My 'children' who are now adults themselves know me very well and are aware if I start to wobble. I don't really like the fact that they feel that they have to look out for me but I truly appreciate the fact that they know me so well and that they care so much for me and my wellbeing.
I have not taken any kind of medication for my mental health for a long time now which really shows me how far I have come on the road to wellbeing and stability in my head. I'm sure that I will always feel second best, that I haven't done enough, that I'm not quite good enough but that is just me and the type of personality that I have. I can't change that and, believe me, I have tried!
So, here I am, relatively happy and healthy in my own skin and my own head with a life that a lot of people would be very envious of. I appreciate what I have every single day.
xxxxx
Wednesday, 18 May 2016
Monday, 9 May 2016
Don't Worry. Be Happy!
Hi everyone.
Another week passes me by and I wonder what on earth I have achieved in those 7 days. I'm sure it's the same for most of us...we get up each day, have a list of things to do, we are lucky if we achieve half of what we intended, other stuff happens to throw us off track, we get to the end of the day and fall into bed feeling irritated to have not achieved all that we planned and then we get up the next day and start all over again. It's sometimes so hard to stay focussed and positive and not beat ourselves up when what we should really be doing is telling ourselves that we have done a great job...we have lived another day, we have had more experiences, we have smiled and laughed and probably cried and worried, but we have lived another day and that is nothing but positive. What we get out of each day is really up to us.
I have to own up to this last week of mine being not the best. Don't get me wrong, I have done a lot. I have seen friends and family, had cuddles with babies and walked my dogs. The sun has had it's hat on and we experienced a glorious weekend of sunshine. We had barbecue dinners three days in a row. Good times.
However, as a Mum and a Nanny, it's really hard to not be affected when any of your loved ones are having a very difficult time and you feel unable to offer any solution.
I have found this last week - more than any time over the last 4 months - very difficult as we, as a family, have tried to rally round and support a family that we all love very much. As usual, it is so very hard to keep this kind of thing impersonal but this is my blog and it's about my life. My life is affected by the issues and struggles that affect anyone that I love and care about.
Seeing someone who is a part of you have such a hard time through no fault of their own is heartbreaking. As a Mum all you want to do is make it better. As a Nanny you just want the pain and the sickness to stop. I can do neither of those things. All I, or any of us can do, is be there when we are needed, offer support and love and try to keep things in perspective. Not easy when you have a mind like mine and have had the experiences that I have had.
However, bad days are usually followed by less bad, or even better, days and that has been the case so far. Things seem a little more positive all round which is marvellous.
Apologies, if required, for the vagueness of this post. After being much too personal in the past I have tried to keep things impersonal as far as I can. I know this will make for fairly dull reading but that's how it is for this post at least!
A xxxx
Another week passes me by and I wonder what on earth I have achieved in those 7 days. I'm sure it's the same for most of us...we get up each day, have a list of things to do, we are lucky if we achieve half of what we intended, other stuff happens to throw us off track, we get to the end of the day and fall into bed feeling irritated to have not achieved all that we planned and then we get up the next day and start all over again. It's sometimes so hard to stay focussed and positive and not beat ourselves up when what we should really be doing is telling ourselves that we have done a great job...we have lived another day, we have had more experiences, we have smiled and laughed and probably cried and worried, but we have lived another day and that is nothing but positive. What we get out of each day is really up to us.
I have to own up to this last week of mine being not the best. Don't get me wrong, I have done a lot. I have seen friends and family, had cuddles with babies and walked my dogs. The sun has had it's hat on and we experienced a glorious weekend of sunshine. We had barbecue dinners three days in a row. Good times.
However, as a Mum and a Nanny, it's really hard to not be affected when any of your loved ones are having a very difficult time and you feel unable to offer any solution.
I have found this last week - more than any time over the last 4 months - very difficult as we, as a family, have tried to rally round and support a family that we all love very much. As usual, it is so very hard to keep this kind of thing impersonal but this is my blog and it's about my life. My life is affected by the issues and struggles that affect anyone that I love and care about.
Seeing someone who is a part of you have such a hard time through no fault of their own is heartbreaking. As a Mum all you want to do is make it better. As a Nanny you just want the pain and the sickness to stop. I can do neither of those things. All I, or any of us can do, is be there when we are needed, offer support and love and try to keep things in perspective. Not easy when you have a mind like mine and have had the experiences that I have had.
However, bad days are usually followed by less bad, or even better, days and that has been the case so far. Things seem a little more positive all round which is marvellous.
Apologies, if required, for the vagueness of this post. After being much too personal in the past I have tried to keep things impersonal as far as I can. I know this will make for fairly dull reading but that's how it is for this post at least!
A xxxx
Monday, 2 May 2016
Salzburg, Marathon, Sound of Music, Birthday....a brief round up!
Good morning.
It's 5 am, I have been awake for hours following a lovely relaxing birthday day and my mind is doing its usual thing.....worrying and fretting, overthinking and pondering. Instead of tossing and turning I thought it best just to get on with this blog post which is another thing that has been playing on my mind. I haven't blogged on this site for 3 weeks which is very remiss of me. There has been a lot going on but that's really no excuse so brace yourselves for a round up of the highlights of my life over the past few weeks.
First up, my middle daughter and her husband took part in the Brighton marathon in the middle of April. It was their first marathon experience and they both completed the challenge and are now applying for London marathon places for next year. They have also both signed up for Brighton again as well so I feel it's safe to say that they have got the running bug. I'm very proud of them both for achieving their goal and delighted that my London marathon experience of 10 years ago served as some kind of inspiration for my daughter.
It's 5 am, I have been awake for hours following a lovely relaxing birthday day and my mind is doing its usual thing.....worrying and fretting, overthinking and pondering. Instead of tossing and turning I thought it best just to get on with this blog post which is another thing that has been playing on my mind. I haven't blogged on this site for 3 weeks which is very remiss of me. There has been a lot going on but that's really no excuse so brace yourselves for a round up of the highlights of my life over the past few weeks.
First up, my middle daughter and her husband took part in the Brighton marathon in the middle of April. It was their first marathon experience and they both completed the challenge and are now applying for London marathon places for next year. They have also both signed up for Brighton again as well so I feel it's safe to say that they have got the running bug. I'm very proud of them both for achieving their goal and delighted that my London marathon experience of 10 years ago served as some kind of inspiration for my daughter.
Next up, several weeks ago I went with youngest daughter to London where we attended a wedding fair at the Excel centre. We met up with one of her best friends there which was lovely as I hadn't met him before but had heard lots about him. He was exactly as I expected him to be and is obviously a very good friend who knows my daughter very well. It was really god to spend time with them both doing something different.
My daughter had booked VIP tickets to the show so, as a consequence, we drank prosecco, had good seats for the catwalk show, got a goody bag each and ate free cake! What's not to love? After the catwalk experience my daughter was approached to be interviewed about her thoughts and experience of the event and so she and her friend were miked up,recorded and filmed. Somewhere online there will be proof I am sure!
I have managed to get to the beach hut a couple of times which has been wonderful. I finally donned a wetsuit for the first time in my life and went to a very brief swim in the sea. It was flipping freezing but it was worth it. I also took myself to the hut after a stressful week...in fact I was ordered to go there for my own well-being!... and had a blissful time listening to music, drinking tea, eating toast and getting my head together.
I've been trampolining with my son, another activity that I haven't participated in in many a year. It was exhausting but fun and all part of the exercise regime that I am desperately trying to keep to. Trying different activities is actually fun and I'm enjoying the challenge. I'm also still swimming once a week - yes, it should be more, I know - as part of the training for our triathlon challenge which is approaching fast. I think it's 4 weeks away now.
The triathlon fundraising is going amazingly well and I now have a raffle to organise as well because I have had offers and donations of prizes that have quite overwhelmed me. There will be more news of this once the all of the details are finalised. For now though, please go to my triathlon blog:
https://triathlonforphoebeandsam.wordpress.com
and/or our fundraising page for latest information.
http://uk.virginmoneygiving.com/phoebeandsam
Oh, and I should also mention that one of my very favourite singer/songwriters tweeted our fundraising page details for us as well. Thank you Mr Frank Turner, you wonderful man!
On a more sombre note, and since I last blogged here, the world has lost two more great artists - the wonderful Victoria Wood and the hugely talented Prince. Victoria Wood was supremely talented in my opinion. She could write, sing and act. she came across as a lovely, private person. I remember watching her TV shows back in the 80's with Mum and crying with laughter. As for Prince, what is there to say? He was a one off, an original. His music, while not the soundtrack to my life, has always been on my radar. His tracks regularly pop up on my ipad. When we moved house I was compelled to throw away a load of old CDs that I no longer played. I kept the Prince ones.
One of the most lovely things about the last few weeks is that youngest daughter and I went to Salzburg! We had the best time. The weather was fabulous, the people were friendly, our hotel was great, we ate pretzels and strudel , drank beer and went on The Sound of Music tour which was absolutely brilliant and something that I have wanted to do in a very long time. It was a joy to experience it with my daughter who loves the musical as much as I do. At times I found it all a little emotional as we sat on the coach and were driven past lakes and mountains with the soundtrack playing. I was transported back to watching the film with Mum when I was a child. I know she would have loved that tour.
And finally, phew, my birthday which was yesterday. I can't believe that I'm 56 and a nanny of 6. What a lucky, lucky lady I am. On Friday, and as a start of the Bank holiday and birthday weekend, we went to see American Idiot, the musical based on the album of the same name by Green Day. the album was massive back in the day and I think all of my kids had a copy of it as did my hubby. I got tickets for the family to go and see the group live as surprise Christmas presents years ago and the concert that we went to is still one of the best I have ever seen. The band played the whole album from start to finish and it was brilliant. Anyway, back to the musical...I was unsure what to expect but I knew that the show had got awards and great reviews when it was first released.Well, I have to say that I really enjoyed it. I hadn't heard any Green Day music for a very long time but when I heard it again on Friday night I remembered just how good they were.
Yesterday, my actual birthday, was spent initially feeling ropey after a few glasses of wine the night before but then progressed to a lovely barbecue brunch that I had organised at the local country park. I hired the barbecue area and invited family and friends to come along and it was lovely. The weather could have been nicer but it didn't rain. There was bacon, sausages, hot dogs, rolls, fruit juice and sauces aplenty. Loads of people came with various dogs and children and it was wonderful. I have more flowers than I know what to do with and I have run out of room for my cards. I told you.....very, very lucky indeed. Thanks to all who were part of my day in any way at all.
That's a very brief round up of what's been happening while I've been away. Life is good. It's not always without it's struggle but life is good.
xxxxxx
Monday, 11 April 2016
Too Many Blogs!
Hi folks and a massive thank you to everyone who has ever taken the time to read even one of my posts. As you will be aware, life has taken another of it's turns over the past few months and so much of my time is currently taken up with being part of the support team for my daughter and her family as she adjusts to life as a mummy...of twins...one with extra needs. It really means that I am not able to dedicate anywhere near enough time to this blog which pains me slightly. I know I will get back to it with gusto as things settle down but I also don't want to just abandon it. I also, of course,have my other blog on the go to record our efforts in the run up to taking part in The Guildford Triathlon on May 29th and that has taken priority over the last few months.
www.triathlonforphoebeandsam.wordpress.com
All of this means that I spend a lot of my time dashing about and it also means that I often don't have enough time to spend with the people that mean the most to me...my family. Yes, it's true that I often get my priorities wrong and I apologise for that. The day to day stuff that I always do still gets done (mostly!) but actual quality time is hard to come by. Hubby and I seem to be like ships that pass in the night, my children and grandchildren don't need me to be in their lives all of the time but I do feel that I haven't spent as much time with them lately that I should have done. As for friends, I grab time to see them when I can but we all have such busy lives. Hopefully, as things settle down I will be able to resume my relationships with everyone who may feel that I have abandoned them lately. And if anyone does feel ignored, I apologise profusely.
I will continue with this blog whatever happens but I think that the other one may just have to take priority between now and the end of May as it is a fundraising thing and I want to do it properly.
Please do go to the triathlon blog and give it a follow if you like:
www.triathlonforphoebeandsam.wordpress.com
There will be regular updates there on our training and the twins too!
Please also feel free to check out our fundraising page:
http://uk.virginmoneygiving.com/phoebeandsam
Thanks for your patience with me while I muddle through life at the moment. There are lots of exciting things to look forward to but it's a day at a time for this Nanny for now.
Xxxxxx
www.triathlonforphoebeandsam.wordpress.com
All of this means that I spend a lot of my time dashing about and it also means that I often don't have enough time to spend with the people that mean the most to me...my family. Yes, it's true that I often get my priorities wrong and I apologise for that. The day to day stuff that I always do still gets done (mostly!) but actual quality time is hard to come by. Hubby and I seem to be like ships that pass in the night, my children and grandchildren don't need me to be in their lives all of the time but I do feel that I haven't spent as much time with them lately that I should have done. As for friends, I grab time to see them when I can but we all have such busy lives. Hopefully, as things settle down I will be able to resume my relationships with everyone who may feel that I have abandoned them lately. And if anyone does feel ignored, I apologise profusely.
I will continue with this blog whatever happens but I think that the other one may just have to take priority between now and the end of May as it is a fundraising thing and I want to do it properly.
Please do go to the triathlon blog and give it a follow if you like:
www.triathlonforphoebeandsam.wordpress.com
There will be regular updates there on our training and the twins too!
Please also feel free to check out our fundraising page:
http://uk.virginmoneygiving.com/phoebeandsam
Thanks for your patience with me while I muddle through life at the moment. There are lots of exciting things to look forward to but it's a day at a time for this Nanny for now.
Xxxxxx
Sunday, 3 April 2016
Birthday Boy
Hi folks,
It's Sunday evening so it must be time to blog. Roast pork and all the trimmings have been cooked and eaten, dogs have been walked, I have finally done all of the ironing after weeks of talking about it but it not happening. It's 8pm and just getting dark.The expected sunny weekend didn't materialise and so I have still not been to the beach hut.
It's been another week of dashing about. At least it keeps me on my toes and helps to keep the weight off! That's what I tell myself anyway. After the Easter weekend, it was back to reality for me with a trip to the dentist to have a crown fitted on Tuesday morning. It's funny how things change though. I used to be absolutely terrified of going to the dentist for any reason at all and would put off my visits for as long as I could. I would sit in the waiting room and been a bundle of nerves with sweaty hands and feeling jittery and anxious. Of course, the usual red blotchy rash would put in an appearance too. Always a tell tale sign of my anxiety levels...or too much alcohol!! Anyway, these days a dental appointment really doesn't faze me. Paying the bill is enough to bring on a panic attack but actually sitting in the dentist's chair is no problem!! My dentist even complimented me on being a great patient so I must have been ok.
On Wednesday I spent the day with my daughter and the twins and pottered about with them most of the time and tried to encourage my daughter to rest. I'm never very successful at that but at least I tried. We got a few things sorted out and I was able to help feed the babies who are growing at a rate of knots...especially young Sam who is outgrowing all of his 0-3 month clothes already. Phoebe seems much more alert and, while not really feeding any better, is at least no longer being sick. She must surely have put weight on when she is weighed this coming week.
Wednesday evening saw youngest daughter and I go to our usual swimming session and I improved very slightly on my time for the 500 metres which is my leg of the Guildford Triathlon in May.
Thursday saw us go to Weightwatchers to be weighed and, despite two roast dinners over the Easter weekend, we both lost weight. I lost half a pound and Rosie lost 2lbs which was brilliant. We have both now lost a stone and a half each since mid January and we have spent part of this weekend going though our clothes and getting rid of the items that don't fit us anymore. I even had to part with my beloved hippy trousers which no longer stay up. I was tempted to keep them 'just in case' but that isn't the attitude. I don't want to go back to being able to wear them so they have gone in the charity bag. I have brought myself some size 14 jeans - albeit TU ones from Sainsbury's - cheap and cheerful - but size 14!!
Saturday was hubby's birthday. He's not a big celebrator of such events really but we couldn't let the day go by unnoticed so he had a few presents at home and a cup of tea and a piece of cake....
....before going to meet some of the family for a pizza for lunch. We had a nice time and it was good to see everyone.
Afterwards we went to the cricket club where we had previously scattered the ashes of hubby's Mum and Dad. We took a couple of plants to put at either end of their bench and we cleaned the brass plaques that have their names on. It's almost a year since father in law died - April 8th last year - and we wanted to get there to tidy up.
Having done that, we went home, recuperated and then headed out in the evening to the local 'bar' where we had cocktails and prosecco to round off the day. I think it was a success and hubby enjoyed it which was the main thing after all.
It's been a good week in one way or another and I hope that you have all had a good time too. Next week will, no doubt, have its challenges but it's onwards and upwards regardless.
https://triathlonforphoebeandsam.wordpress.com/
http://uk.virginmoneygiving.com/phoebeandsam
xxxx
It's Sunday evening so it must be time to blog. Roast pork and all the trimmings have been cooked and eaten, dogs have been walked, I have finally done all of the ironing after weeks of talking about it but it not happening. It's 8pm and just getting dark.The expected sunny weekend didn't materialise and so I have still not been to the beach hut.
It's been another week of dashing about. At least it keeps me on my toes and helps to keep the weight off! That's what I tell myself anyway. After the Easter weekend, it was back to reality for me with a trip to the dentist to have a crown fitted on Tuesday morning. It's funny how things change though. I used to be absolutely terrified of going to the dentist for any reason at all and would put off my visits for as long as I could. I would sit in the waiting room and been a bundle of nerves with sweaty hands and feeling jittery and anxious. Of course, the usual red blotchy rash would put in an appearance too. Always a tell tale sign of my anxiety levels...or too much alcohol!! Anyway, these days a dental appointment really doesn't faze me. Paying the bill is enough to bring on a panic attack but actually sitting in the dentist's chair is no problem!! My dentist even complimented me on being a great patient so I must have been ok.
On Wednesday I spent the day with my daughter and the twins and pottered about with them most of the time and tried to encourage my daughter to rest. I'm never very successful at that but at least I tried. We got a few things sorted out and I was able to help feed the babies who are growing at a rate of knots...especially young Sam who is outgrowing all of his 0-3 month clothes already. Phoebe seems much more alert and, while not really feeding any better, is at least no longer being sick. She must surely have put weight on when she is weighed this coming week.
Wednesday evening saw youngest daughter and I go to our usual swimming session and I improved very slightly on my time for the 500 metres which is my leg of the Guildford Triathlon in May.
Thursday saw us go to Weightwatchers to be weighed and, despite two roast dinners over the Easter weekend, we both lost weight. I lost half a pound and Rosie lost 2lbs which was brilliant. We have both now lost a stone and a half each since mid January and we have spent part of this weekend going though our clothes and getting rid of the items that don't fit us anymore. I even had to part with my beloved hippy trousers which no longer stay up. I was tempted to keep them 'just in case' but that isn't the attitude. I don't want to go back to being able to wear them so they have gone in the charity bag. I have brought myself some size 14 jeans - albeit TU ones from Sainsbury's - cheap and cheerful - but size 14!!
Saturday was hubby's birthday. He's not a big celebrator of such events really but we couldn't let the day go by unnoticed so he had a few presents at home and a cup of tea and a piece of cake....
....before going to meet some of the family for a pizza for lunch. We had a nice time and it was good to see everyone.
Happy days
Gorgeous Sam sleeping through the meal
It was all too much for Phoebe too!
Proud Mummy and her babies
Afterwards we went to the cricket club where we had previously scattered the ashes of hubby's Mum and Dad. We took a couple of plants to put at either end of their bench and we cleaned the brass plaques that have their names on. It's almost a year since father in law died - April 8th last year - and we wanted to get there to tidy up.
Having done that, we went home, recuperated and then headed out in the evening to the local 'bar' where we had cocktails and prosecco to round off the day. I think it was a success and hubby enjoyed it which was the main thing after all.
Dad's girl
It's been a good week in one way or another and I hope that you have all had a good time too. Next week will, no doubt, have its challenges but it's onwards and upwards regardless.
https://triathlonforphoebeandsam.wordpress.com/
http://uk.virginmoneygiving.com/phoebeandsam
xxxx
Tuesday, 29 March 2016
I'm Sorry xx
Hi everyone.
I hope you all had a happy Easter break and that you were surrounded by your loved ones and made some lasting memories.
Easter was not really a big celebration in our house when we were young although we did always have hot cross buns. Neither of my parents were religious so we didn't really celebrate it as a religious event and Easter eggs didn't play a big part in our lives either as far as I can remember. I am probably completely wrong here and I will wait for my siblings to correct me! I do know that our Nan used to give us a gift or two at Easter and I remember her giving all four of us our own egg cups one year. Mine was in the shape of an Easter chick wearing a bonnet and I had that egg cup for years. I loved it. There was also one in the shape of a panda but I can't remember the others.
This last weekend has been hectic for us. My daughter came to stay for a few days with the twins. I collected them and all of their paraphernalia on Friday lunchtime. My car was full to bursting by the time everything was loaded. When we got to my house we unloaded everything and tried to get everyone settled in for the next few days. It took a while as you can imagine! My daughter was very weary so she went and put her head down for a while and the rest of us looked after the babies which was lovely. We had lots of things planned for if things weren't too busy. None of those things happened!
On Saturday we had the unexpected pleasure of a visit from our eldest four grandchildren and their Daddy. On a previous visit, Poppy had left one of her toys at our house - namely her dragon - and she decided that she couldn't sleep without it. She lasted a few days but spoke about how much she missed dragon all of the time and so I think Mummy and Daddy decided that enough was enough and Daddy was despatched with all four children to come to us and collect the much missed toy.
The elder four children had not ever met their new cousins and their Daddy hadn't seen them either and so it was really lovely when they arrived and they got to spend some time with Phoebe and Sam. They all wanted to hold and cuddle the babies and it was an ideal photo opportunity. How wonderful for me...all six of my grandchildren together for the very first time. I was, as someone commented, in my element. How very proud I felt!
I hope you all had a happy Easter break and that you were surrounded by your loved ones and made some lasting memories.
Easter was not really a big celebration in our house when we were young although we did always have hot cross buns. Neither of my parents were religious so we didn't really celebrate it as a religious event and Easter eggs didn't play a big part in our lives either as far as I can remember. I am probably completely wrong here and I will wait for my siblings to correct me! I do know that our Nan used to give us a gift or two at Easter and I remember her giving all four of us our own egg cups one year. Mine was in the shape of an Easter chick wearing a bonnet and I had that egg cup for years. I loved it. There was also one in the shape of a panda but I can't remember the others.
This last weekend has been hectic for us. My daughter came to stay for a few days with the twins. I collected them and all of their paraphernalia on Friday lunchtime. My car was full to bursting by the time everything was loaded. When we got to my house we unloaded everything and tried to get everyone settled in for the next few days. It took a while as you can imagine! My daughter was very weary so she went and put her head down for a while and the rest of us looked after the babies which was lovely. We had lots of things planned for if things weren't too busy. None of those things happened!
On Saturday we had the unexpected pleasure of a visit from our eldest four grandchildren and their Daddy. On a previous visit, Poppy had left one of her toys at our house - namely her dragon - and she decided that she couldn't sleep without it. She lasted a few days but spoke about how much she missed dragon all of the time and so I think Mummy and Daddy decided that enough was enough and Daddy was despatched with all four children to come to us and collect the much missed toy.
The elder four children had not ever met their new cousins and their Daddy hadn't seen them either and so it was really lovely when they arrived and they got to spend some time with Phoebe and Sam. They all wanted to hold and cuddle the babies and it was an ideal photo opportunity. How wonderful for me...all six of my grandchildren together for the very first time. I was, as someone commented, in my element. How very proud I felt!
Robyn (eldest granddaughter) with Phoebe (youngest granddaughter) xx
The rest of the day really went in a bit of a blur of cooking, washing, cuddling, feeding and trying to keep up with everything and everyone. I lost count of the number of nappies I changed or feeds that I did or helped with. I have no idea how many times I sterilised bottles and dummies, how many times I mislaid the muslin nappies and bibs or how many times times the babies were awake during the night times. After a few days I felt completely exhausted. I have no idea how my daughter does it!
Talking of my daughter...one of the last blog posts that I wrote either on here or on the triathlon blog that I also write, was composed after a particularly difficult day with my daughter and the twins. I was extremely worried about my daughter and, insensitively and without enough consideration, I went into a lot of detail about how things were going for the family. I didn't give much thought to what I was doing when I posted the link to Facebook and emailed it to friends and family. My intention was for everyone to realise how things were going and to encourage people to offer help and support and for my daughter to not feel that she is alone in all of this. In reality, and completely unintentionally, what I managed to do was make the situation worse and to make my daughter feel inadequate. This was the very last thing that I wanted to do. I so desperately want to help and support the family but I know that I need to take a breath before I go launching off on a mission to try to get things sorted out for them, to get them the support that they are entitled to, to assist in any way that I can.
The twins have a loving, caring and capable Mummy and Daddy. The decisions that Mummy and Daddy make are theirs and not mine.
Since before the babies were born, I have made it very clear that my daughter was and remains my priority in this situation. She is my child - despite her age - and I will move mountains for her if I have to as I would for any of my children. However, while I love the twins with all my heart, their Mummy and Daddy are there for them, to love them and provide for them. I must remember that.
So, once again, I am apologising for making my daughter feel uncomfortable and probably embarrassed. I'm sorry sweetheart, I truly am.
I'll leave you will a couple of photos. As usual, I have more photos somewhere on my phone and ipad that don't seem to want to be transferred to this laptop so I can't use them which is a bit annoying.
Sam
Big boy in his hoodie!
Just a beautiful photo our Phoebe
We think Phoebe's first 'proper' smile caught on camera by Auntie Sum. Absolute spitting image of her Mummy xx
Until next time....
xxxx
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