Part of working lunch. Mince pie and cheese and crackers not sjown😂
Currently, I work one day a week. I feel guilty about that obviously which goes without saying. I feel that I should be working more, working harder, earning money but I just don't seem to have the energy at the moment. It may because I got so stressed in my last job that I gave up just before Christmas. Maybe I I just need to give myself permission to not be run ragged every single day.
Hubby says that I fill my days up with 'stuff' and that I should be more lazy but it's not me really. There is always something to be done. I do find myself watching a bit more 'crap' TV these days. 'The Real Housewives of Beverley Hills' etc is quite often put on at 5pm when there is a bit of a lull, the dogs have been walked and it's too early for supper. It's escapism I have no doubt but when I watch it I don't think about anything else for a little while.
There is no doubt that I am feeling my age at the moment and I'm not sure why. I look in the mirror and I look haggard and tired. I have black rings under my eyes and my face looks older than it ever has. I am managing to keep the weight off that I lost which is great but I don't feel any better for it really at the moment. I go to bed earlier but I don't sleep well very often. The better I sleep the more I ache in the mornings is seems. If I have slept well then my hip and back ache like mad when I get up!
My diet hasn't been good of late either. The post Christmas bloat seems to be hanging around for longer than I would like. I have little energy to do anything other than get through each day sometimes although, having said that, I had a wonderfully productive day two days ago and got loads done so maybe I am just underestimating my day to day achievements.
I am much better at not fretting so much about things that are out of my control. I'm not sure if that is a deliberate choice to be honest. I just don't seem to have the emotional energy to worry about absolutely everything and everyone anymore. My head sometimes feels so full of things sometimes that I can't remember the most simple of things. I find myself writing lists to remind myself what I need to do....not the usual boring stuff but the extras that I am liable to forget. I used to remember every Ines birthdays and be organised about posting cards and so on. Not anymore. Often I don't realise it's someone's birthday until the day before or even on the day and then I feel bad but I feel like I have so much to remember that something has to give!
I hope that things will get back on an even keel soon. I just would like to feel more energetic. I hope that eating more healthily will be a start. I am guilty of snacking or cooking hubby a meal and not myself because I don't want what he has and I don't want to cook two separate meals. In reality, of course, I should cook what I want and if he doesn't want what I cook,he could cook his own meal but that feels really selfish to me.
I want and need to feel more upbeat. I want to be a vibrant and energetic Nanny, an inspiring Mum and an attractive wife. I would like to have more energy, feel more bouncy and not feel like everything is an effort. Hopefully that is not too much to ask and I will be able to look back at this in a few months and tut at the self indulgence of this post.
Have a good day everyone. It's now 6.22 am, I have drunk a bottle of fizzy water, hubby is up and about and there are dogs to be walked before I go to work. See you later, allligator!
Xxxxx
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