When I used nannyandmummy.blogspot.com as the link (or is it a domain name? I've no idea) for this blog it was mainly because the others that I tried to use were already taken and also that being a nanny and a mummy are probably the most important things in my life....that and being a wife of course!
When I became a nanny I was thrilled. I still am. I love to hear my grandchildren call me 'Nanny' and I am amazed to think that there is a little bit of me in each of them.
When I hear 'Nanny' I am immediately transported back to my own childhood and the time spent with my own Nan. I had two grandmothers who both lived in the same town as us. My grandfathers had either died before I was born or shortly afterwards and I have no recollection of them.
My paternal grandmother was a lovely gentle lady. I can picture her very clearly and I can almost feel the softness of her skin. She was a smiley Nan. My Dad was her youngest child and she obviously adored him. She had lots of grandchildren who she saw often and so, while she was always pleased to see us, we were one of many and she didn't have favourites. My other Nan, however, was a different story.
My maternal grandmother was everything I thought a Nan should be. She loved seeing us, she would let us sleep over whenever we liked. I have strong memories of Nan, my sister, my brother and I all sleeping in her bed, talking for hours and laughing.
My Mum was an only child and so Nan made the most of the grandchildren that she had. She would take us to bingo at the British Legion at the weekends and buy us Fanta orange and crisps. We would catch the last bus home...often just catching it by the skin of our teeth. It seemed like everyone knew her.
The fact that Nan was a strong, independent widowed lady was just taken for granted by us. She had lived through 2 world wars and rarely spoke about it despite being born in 1898 and so would have very vivid memories of those times. She always watched 'World at War' on a Sunday lunchtime I recall. She never spoke about her family and it never crossed my mind to ask her. I assumed that she didn't have any relations because she never mentioned them. I thought nothing of the fact that she had very few photographs and the ones that she did have often had bits cut out of them. She was just Nan, she loved us, we loved her, end of story.
Nan died in 1977. I was heartbroken. It was my first experience of death and I was traumatized. Nan wasn't there anymore.Nan was always there. I had planned on staying with her over on that Sunday night but changed my mind because she seemed in such a bad mood. Maybe she was feeling ill. Maybe she knew something was going to happen because that night she suffered a massive heart attack.
I have often wondered what would have happened if I had stayed with her as I had planned. The thought of it still makes me shudder. I would have woken to find her dead in bed next to me.
The years passed by and Mum started talking about Nan and her childhood and recollections. Mum had a difficult relationship with Nan. Mum used to say that her parents had an abusive relationship. Lots of rows and throwing things. As I have already mentioned, Mum was an only child and often lonely. When the people that are supposed to love you are at loggerheads all the time and you are caught in the middle it must affect you in a negative way. Mum seemed to have a soft spot for her Dad. He was much older that her Mum and she used to be embaressed that people would think he was her grandfather but she loved him just the same.
Fuelled by a keen interest to find out about my Nan, and with encouragement from Mum, I started on a genealogy mission. There were lots of things from Mum's childhood that she remembered but couldn't understand. There were fairly regular visits from 'aunties' from Portsmouth who used to talk in whispers to Nan and there were return visits to Portsmouth that Mum was made to go on despite often not wanting to.
I wrote the the Salvation Army who I knew were able to trace family and find birth records and then I thought nothing of it. This was in the days before the internet and genesreunited etc.
Months and months later, I was visiting Mum when she received a phone call. It was from the Salvation Army. I remember they asked her to sit down and asked her if she was on her own as they had some information for her. I watched Mum as she listened to the man on the phone and I saw her jaw drop. She picked up a pen and paper and started writing. I had no idea what was going on but I knew it was dramatic.
When Mum finally put the phone down she just sat in the chair and looked at me. She handed me the piece of paper she had been writing on and it had a list of names and dates on it that meant nothing to me at all.
However, that list of names was about to change my Mum's life. You see, that list of names were, in fact, a list of her half brothers and sisters. Relations that she knew nothing about. I think there were 7 names in total. 3 girls and 4 boys. Some living. Some dead.
Mum had been brought up as an only child, had always wanted brothers and sisters, had had a lonely childhood and all the time she had relatives living less than 30 miles away in Portsmouth.
It transpires that Nan had got married when she was 20 and had 5 children in quick succession. She left her husband and children and set up home with another man in the same town and had 2 more children. She then left those 2 children and her partner and set up home with my grandfather and had Mum. She only married once. Poor Mum.
A few years later, after the dust had settled a little, we did manage to get to meet the living relatives when we arranged a get together. It must have been so difficult for Mum. In fact, it must have been so difficult for all of them. They would all have had their individual feelings and emotions about what had happened to them. There was obviously some negative feelings about Nan. I think Mum felt guilty because she was the only child out of 8 that was brought up, and not abandoned,by Nan but I like to think that, over all, it was a positive experience. Certainly, it gave Mum some family and she really enjoyed her phone calls that she exchanged with some of them.
There is one photograph of my Mum with 2 of her half sisters that was taken on the day of the get together. The 3 of them are sitting side by side on a sofa. Each lady has the same mother but a different father. None of the ladies have ever met each other before but they look so alike....and they are all holding their heads slightly tilted to one side.
I later found out that Mum's father was no angel either. He had also been married before and he also had a family. I have no idea how much about each other my grandparents actually knew but I would suggest they knew everything and it was that that caused the tension between them. When Nan used to take Mum to Portsmouth it was actually a visit to meet up with the 2 'aunties' who would relay information to Nan about her other children.
One of Nan's sons died in Palestine when he was in his early 20's. He is buried out there and I know where his grave is. I hate to think that no-one has ever visited it and paid their respects. I feel almost duty-bound to go and visit it myself and I hope I will one day. He didn't die in battle. He died from a brain hemorrhage.
Eventually, after lots of stress, tears and drama ( and more than a little obsession from me) I decided that I would call a halt to the family history investigations for a while. I had unearthed much more than I had ever meant to and Mum was really emotionally drained by my constant revelations. Initially, I found it exciting but then I started to worry about what I was going to find out next and wondering whether Mum could actually deal with any more. So, all of my files are in a cupboard somewhere waiting to be opened again. I have no doubt that I will revisit my past again but not at the moment.
My sister and I are very loyal to our Nan's memory and we really don't want anyone to think she was a bad person. Regardless of her behaviour and what she did, she isn't here to defend herself. There must have been many reasons for her to do what she did but that didn't change her as a Nan. To us she was, is and always will be our Nan who loved us and was proud of us. If my grandchildren are able to think that about me in 50 years time I will be a very happy Nanny.
Happy Sunday everyone.
Don't worry, be happy!
Much love
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