Monday 24 April 2017

When Your Daughter Runs The London Marathon

Hi all,

I'm writing in a haze of post marathon euphoria and I wasn't even a competitor, I was a spectator. You may get a sense of my marathon mania by the end of this.

11 years ago I took part in my first, and only, marathon - London. I was very fortunate to get a charity place. It took over 6 months of my life and it remains one of my biggest achievements to date. As a long term marathon observer, it was brilliant to be able to take part. It was everything I had hoped for and more. I struggled but I completed it, got my medal and, although my time of 6 hours 3 mins wasn't great, I had done it and I was delighted.

Fast forward 11 years and I'm back in London to support my daughter who had managed to get a charity place and was taking part in her second marathon having completed Brighton last year. London had been her aim for years and she was finally getting the chance to fulfill her dream.

I caught the train up to London as I didn't want to the stress of parking and so on and joined a train full of enthusiastic marathon supporters and football fans. I got off at Waterloo and made my way on foot to Tower Bridge which is my favourite marathon spot and the half way point. It was there that I got a call from my daughter to say that she had been into a first aid stop as her hip was giving her immense pain and she wasn't able to run anymore. She was at 11 km. She assured me that she was ok but I could hear the disappointment in her voice. However, she was totally determined to finish the marathon no matter how long it took and that is exactly what she did.






A little while after getting the call from her I stood on Tower Bridge with a mass of people and cheered as I saw her approaching me. She saw me and stopped for a hug. She was tearful but tears of emotion not sadness. Then she was on her way and I didn't see her again until we met at the meet and greet area once she had completed her challenge.







 She limped towards me with a huge smile on her face and a large medal around her neck. Again there were tears of elation and hugs and I could completely understand how she was feeling.





A few moments later and we were joined by my son in  law and their two boys, aged 4 and 2,  who had been popping up at various points en route to cheer their mummy on. Cue more hugs!

We set off towards the subway with my daughter hobbling along but smiling. We had steps to climb which were difficult. My  grandson even chose to hold my hand which made me beam as he hasn't really ever done that before. It's the little things sometimes, isn't it? We then said our goodbyes and I made my way back to Waterloo after a truly inspiring and motivating day.

The memories of my own London marathon experience came flooding back throughout the day. The crowds, the noise and the support. The elation and the pain. The agony and the ecstasy. Hitting the wall at 21 miles and the overwhelming thrill of putting that medal around your neck. Oh, I loved it! I loved it so much that I am seriously contemplating running another marathon. I know I have another one in me but I also need to be realistic and take into account my knees etc. For now I think that next year could be the year!

I'm thrilled that I was able to be there to support my daughter and I wouldn't have missed it for the world. My marathon love is renewed!



Much love to you all xxxx

Brits Abroad


Hi from Tenerife.
Yes, hubby and I are here for a week and we have been looking forward to this break for some time. I'm not sure that I have ever felt so in need of sunshine and relaxation.
We are in an adults only hotel in the south west of the island. Not too much info to give really so will update daily and then publish at the end of the holiday. Hopefully a good way to remember the holiday in the future.

Sunday: arrived at Gatwick, parked the constantly overheating car (we had to use my old banger as hubby's car was written off in an accident less than a week before our holiday), checked in our luggage and made our way to a lounge that we had paid extra to use. It meant that we could have eats and drinks etc in relative peace which we both enjoyed.




The four and a bit hours flight seemed tedious but I had downloaded a couple of films from Netflix so I had something to watch. Hubby battled with his earphones that he can never get to fit properly, finally gave up the ghost and spent his time doing sudoku. I knocked my gin and tonic plus ice cubes and lemon into my lap which made for a most uncomfortable journey!

The baggage reclaim and subsequent coach trip in the dark to the hotel was uneventful and we checked in, ate a salad prepared and left for late arrivals, wandered through the hotel and went to bed.

Monday: I slept quite well which was awesome. We opened the curtains to get our first daytime view of Tenerife only to be met with a cloudy scene. However, by midday this had cleared and we had solid sunshine for the rest of the day.
It was amusing to see, at 8am sharp, a procession of people marching to the pool area with their towels to secure their sun beds. It really made us laugh initially and then we thought it was really sad but each to their own.
Hubby went to the gym after breakfast and had little wander around the area surrounding the hotel which consists of souvenir shops, bars and a harbour. I secured a fab large round beach chair big enough to lay in and settled for a few hours. It was wonderful. I applied sunscreen liberally, I swam a couple of times and I genuinely practiced trying to be mindful, trying to relax. That's actually harder to do than you would think. Especially when you have a mind like mine. However, with the sea crashing nearby and with sun shining, I closed my eyes, focussed on my breathing and listened really carefully to what I could hear and it was great. I really want to focus on being focussed if you know what I mean.
This evening was our first dinner which was lovely. Lots of choice and a white chocolate fountain which was glorious. We went for a wander, found a tiny beach which was cordoned off and where the sand was dark grey due to this being a volcanic island and then stopped at a cocktail bar on the way back. I couldn't finish my huge g and t and hubby had a Mojito and a cucumber gin cocktail.
Back in the room by 9.15pm and ready for bed.
We did have sangria at lunchtime which I was dubious about as lunchtime drinking is not good for me these days but it was lovely. Looking forward to tomorrow and more relaxation.



Tuesday: didn't sleep so well and then hubby woke me up for breakfast at 8.30am. Much sunnier start to the day and I'm trying to remain focussed on being positive. We have booked a trip for tomorrow which will be interesting. We are having an afternoon and evening at a volcano. No idea what to expect really apart from the obvious so we shall see. I am now looking forward to another day in the big chairs relaxing. Hubby has gone to explore as he usually does when we are away. We spent the morning reading and lazing about. Hubby found a coastal path so he was happy. I heard that two people drowned here last week literally 50 yards from the hotel. A 64 year old Portuguese lady was taking photos and got knocked into the sea by a big wave. A passer by jumped in to save her. Both lost their lives. 
We walked to the harbour and had seafood paella and sangria for lunch which was lovely although the sangria tasted a bit weird to me. Then we walked around the harbour and saw a large ray and lots of fish. We then had an ice cream and made our way back to the hotel.  A bit too much food and drink me thinks. Siesta time and then more of the same...food, walking and so on. Ended up in a bar watching a bit of the Man Utd v Everton game on a big screen. Started to get a headache. Feels like it might be a migraine coming on. Went to bed after taking paracetamol hoping to sleep it off. Unfortunately now at 2.29 am I have just taken solpadeine as headache not gone and want it to go by the morning. Hate lingering headaches that threaten a migraine. Make me feel anxious and a bit sick.

Wednesday: writing on a Thursday by the pool. Yesterday we had a leisurely/lazy morning. Great for me. Boring for hubby who is getting increasingly aware of being surrounded by older people and of the lack of anywhere to explore. I'm very happy to sit around all day to be honest but he is really getting bored. Anyway, we had an afternoon and evening planned. An excursion to a volcano on the island, a 3 course meal en route and stargazing to finish it off. We had a glass of wine before going to our room at lunchtime to pack our bag for the trip. We set off to walk the two or three minutes from our hotel to the pick up point really looking forward to our afternoon. When we got to the bus stop I put my bag on the bench to see that one of the sections was open. I never leave my bag open. Alarm bells rang in my head straight away, a quick rummage through my bag confirmed my worst fears. My purse containing our credit cards and most of our cash among other things had been stolen.  I ran back to the hotel just to make sure that I hadn't left the purse on our bed but I knew, in my heart of hearts, that it was a waste of time. My wallet was gone. We couldn't go on the trip as we had to contact banks etc. On the walk back to the hotel we looked in all the bins, behind fences and in gardens just in case my purse had been chucked away after the cash was taken out but to no avail. We must have looked ridiculous rummaging in the bins when I think about it! 
Hubby made all the calls, cancelled bank cards and that was it really. Left us feeling deflated. We sat in the sun and had a drink and reassessed our situation after telling the holiday reps what had happened just in case there was a protocol to follow. There wasn't really. However, whilst waiting to speak with a rep we realised that they were dealing with a much more important matter. An elderly lady was distressed because her husband had been taken to hospital and was in intensive care. She was alone, confused about what to do and worried about flying home, her husband's well being etc etc. It put into perspective our predicament. We are both fine. If someone has a good time on the Euros that they stole from me so be it. They have themselves to live with and I won't let the actions of a loathsome individual ruin our holiday.
Positivity is the key and I'm genuinely trying to work on it every day at the moment. I'm annoyed about what happened to my wallet but it's happened and it's dealt with for now. No point dwelling on it and we have the trip to look forward to this afternoon instead of yesterday.  I'm sitting in the sun, by a pool, in Tenerife on holiday for a week. How lucky am I?

Thursday: after yesterday's disappointment we got on with our day which really meant breakfast, pool, sunbathing and a bit of lunch. Then we set off for our rescheduled trip to Mount Teide national park which I didn't know even existed. What an amazing experience it was. I'm so glad we did it. The coach drove us 7000 ft up to the park with a couple of stops just in case anyone got altitude sickness. We were amazed at the scenery. It was almost like being on a different planet. It was like a desert but it was really cold and the lava formations were incredible. We had a set 3 course meal as part of the trip and took lots of photos of the Teide volcano which was awesome on its own. We then drove on to see the sun set with a glass of cava in hand. It was bloody freezing but so beautiful. We were above the clouds...a view we would only normally get from an aircraft. We then drove back down the hill a way and pulled over to be given a tour of the constellations in the clear night sky. Our guide was so enthusiastic and he used a laser to point out each group of stars which was great. 
It was a long but wonderful trip and worth every euro. It made the disappointment of yesterday all but a distant memory.

Friday: a disappointing cloudy day on the whole. I can see the island of La Gomera fairly clearly from our balcony for the first time this holiday though. It has been shrouded in clouds all week...so much so that you wouldn't know it was there unless you were told about it.
We walked around the coastal path to Santiago which was nice. Hubby has done it before but I hadn't. I was in search of salt! I know, weird but I needed some to make a solution to slosh my mouth out. We found some! The hotel is getting busier and sunbeds are at a premium. Easter holidays I think. We have had enough of lazing I think...or at least hubby has. He is getting bored and restless. This place is a little too quiet for him. I like it but I know what he means. The sun came out in the late afternoon so we sat out for an hour or so before getting ready for a 5 course meal on a sun terrace at the hotel. It was very pleasant but a little chilly once the sun went down.
I don't think we have ever gone to bed so early so often in a holiday. We must be getting old. We also brought a bottle of cava and put it in the fridge when we arrived and it's still there. Another novelty for us.
I have been trying not to think about what we have to do when we get home and I'm being pretty successful I think. I'm a born worrier and always have lists of things to organise or that I think I have to organise but I am really trying to not do that. When I find myself starting to get anxious about future stuff I just stop and bring myself back to now. In fact I've just walked around the hotel garden and taken photos of the flowers there. I've walked that way every day and not ever really noticed them until today.

Saturday: hubby is perturbed about being away from home for the Grand National so he rang his brother and got him to put on some bets for us. He has also planned where we will watch the race later. It's another cloudy day today which is a little disappointing and there is not a single sunbed to be had. All are taken at both pools. This morning we had a round of crazy golf which was fun. I started off well...a hole in one....and then gradually got worse until I almost gave up on the last hole. In the end I was beaten fair and square. We may have to have a rematch.



Sunday: a long day as we had an evening flight home. We also had the room for longer than usual so we didn't have to worry about our bags after checking out. I think we are both looking forward to getting home. It's been lovely to have the chance to relax and reboot. Things were a bit muddled and stressful before we came out here and the break has done us both good. We have learned that we prefer b and b to half board, that we like to have a beach close by and that we like to be around younger people.

Homeward bound xx

Monday 20 March 2017

When The Drugs Don't Work

Hi everyone,

It's been a while since I have blogged so I hope that this finds you well and looking forward to the spring which officially started today apparently. This weekend the clocks go forward too which is always exciting.

This post is a bit personal but, hey, what's new?! As a 56 year old I have had to come to terms with the fact that my body is no longer capable of recovering quickly from any knocks it takes and it is also unable to react quite as quickly as it used to. I'm finding kneeling down quite difficult...well the getting up bit really . I have arthritis in my fingers and when it's cold my fingers and toes go white and numb and take a while to recover. Add to this the joys of the menopause and, all in all, things ain't what they used to be.

As a consequence of these ailments I decided to try HRT which was prescribed to me by my GP whom told me that my blood pressure what 'beautiful' which was brilliant because the doctors is always a place that I get anxious. Anyway, meds collected, I was eager to start what I hoped would be a positive experience and that I would generally start to feel better. I took the small white tablet and that was it. I had a look at the list of possible side effects which was very long but nothing stood out as being an issue. That was on Saturday. I took a tablet every day for 4 days and as each day went by I felt worse and worse. By the Tuesday I was worse than a bear with a sore head, had a horrible time with my daughter and her children - by which I mean I was cantankerous and rude and uncommunicative, stroppy, sulky and miserable - and I knew that something was wrong.
A look online didn't really come up with any proof that the medication could have such a dramatic effect so quickly but by the Wednesday morning I knew something had to change. I rang my doctor and told him how I was feeling - dead inside, emotionless, beyond lethargic - and he told me to stop taking the pills straight away which I did. All I could do was wait for the medicine to clear my system. I spent the rest of what was a glorious sunny day in bed feeling beyond fed up and miserable.

Well, today is Monday, I have had 6 days without the medication and I feel back to normal. I'm always a 'glass half empty rather than a glass half full' kind of gal but I am so relieved to feel like me again. I have made my apologies to the people that I was unreasonable with. I am so shocked at my attitude. So shocked that I felt it was reasonable to be a grumpy old bag. I'm equally shocked that the HRT had such an immediate effect on me.

Over the weekend I decided to try the alternative route and ordered some black cohosh, evening primrose oil capsules and some maca and I will see how things go. I am happy to try this approach even though I know that there is little proof that natural supplements work with any regularity. My order arrived today and I have started on my new regime. Time will tell.

Today has been a positive day. Lots of little things have been sorted out...the things that you keep putting off because they aren't really important but they niggle away at you anyway! We have made a few decisions about the house, my beach hut has a new floor, I'm drinking lots of water and it's stopped raining! Happy days.

Take care and stay safe.

xxxxx




Thursday 23 February 2017

When You Try Your Best But You Don't Succeed

Forgive this personal blog post. It's been a quite an emotional couple of weeks for various reasons and I am left feeling drained, upset, full of self doubt and remorse and questioning everything I feel in case it's not justifiable. I know this will pass, this feeling always does, but at the moment I can't sleep, even though I'm really tired. I fall asleep only to wake up a couple of hours later with my thoughts racing around all over the place. I'm hopeful that by getting my feelings and thoughts down 'on paper' so to speak, my head will be a little clearer and I might get some rest.

Several things have happened that I can't/won't go into but I have been left questioning  my thought processes, my actions and my parenting 'skills' or lack of them! You know the feeling....you can't do right for doing wrong or something like that. I want to help but I don't want to interfere, I want to advise but not tell people what to do, I want to tell everyone what I think and feel but don't want to upset anyone. I am full of self doubt, full of anger, full of frustration and full of concern.

I'm told that 'everything will work out', that 'everything will be ok', that I worry too much, that the issues that I see shouldn't concern me, that it's not my problem but when these things involve your family it's incredibly difficult not to want to step in and try to make things better, to ease the burden, to share concerns.

I often feel completely helpless when I see people struggling. I know that I often overstep the mark and get too involved or, conversely, don't do enough and I just can't seem to get the balance right. If I get too involved I am interfering, being judgemental and if I stay away I am perceived as not caring. The whole thing makes me feel so inadequate and misunderstood.

I thought that having children with special needs was hard work but I am learning that having a grandchild with special needs is equally tough. I thought that once your children grew up and became adults that things would be more straightforward, that relationships would be less strained but that is not proving to be the case. I assumed a lot and I realise that that was a mistake. 

Even now, when all of my children are grown up and living their own lives and making their own choices, I can still be astounded by things that I learn about them and their behaviour. They have all done wonderful things and are all capable of being fantastic and I know that is what I should remember.....that they do have good in them and that they can be kind and loving people ..... but then things happen and I am left wondering if it can possibly be all my fault? Are the mistakes that my children make really down to me as a parent? I'm not sure why I feel so responsible. Maybe that's just how it is when you are a parent and you want the best for child. 

I am aware that I am rambling on a bit here about non specific things which is probably not making for very interesting reading. As I implied at the start of this update, I am almost using this as a dumping ground for my thoughts and feelings in an effort to clear my head and get some sleep but I'm not sure if that is going to work.

All I can really do is be me and, from time to time, I'm not so sure that being 'me' is enough. 

Xxxxx

Tuesday 7 February 2017

We Are Family

Yet again, I have spent about an hour typing a blog post, really got into it, gone to add photos and then the laptop goes to pot and I lose everything....including my sense of humour!

The gist of the now lost forever post was about recording things for prosperity and how much easier it is these days with videos, blogs, vlogs too! I used to keep diaries from time to time as a teenager and then later as a mother of 4 but they had very selective events and emotions written in them and were often written late at night when I was tired or worse.
My memory has always been bad and now, how I wish that I had an accurate record of when my children cut their first tooth, took their first steps, said their first words especially now that my own daughters ask me about such events as they have children of their own. At one time, I'm sure, I could have reeled off the times and dates of such events but not any more.
I like to think that I spent so much time bringing up the family of 4 children, 2 with extra needs and then one who had meningitis at 4 months old, a husband who worked away a lot and who then lost his job just weeks before our son was born that I just had too much to think about. Add to that the various part time jobs that I held down to try to help make ends meet, I think it's no surprise that I only really recall the scary medical events, the ambulance call outs and the health worries. It's not good but that's the truth.
I hope that by doing this blog, and writing about my feelings and recording various events, that my grandchildren will be able to get an idea of what their Nanny was like if they want to find out more about me after I've gone or when I am no longer able to tell them myself. I hope that day is far away but you never know.
I may have mentioned in an earlier post ( you see, I can't remember!) that I do have recordings from a tape cassette that I had put onto a CD that contain the voices of my Mum, my Dad and my Nan among others who are no longer with us. I find it comforting when I hear them and when I heard my Nan's voice for the first time in 30 + years via the CD I was amazed to hear that she had a Hampshire accent. I had no recollection of that at all.

I will not be vlogging anytime soon.....I am no oil painting, don't do make up really and have no idea about clothing in truth... so you will be spared that trauma for now but maybe, at some point, I will post a video of me talking on here just to see how it goes but don't hold your breath for that.

I have had a little more time over the past few days and so have been cooking more than usual. I have been experimenting with recipes from The Body Coach Lean In 15 Sustain Plan book as I find his recipes easy to follow and very tasty. I have also cooked from the Lucy Bee Coconut Oil book that I have had for a year or so. Here's a few that I made earlier...


                                         Mexican supper


                                          Chocolate and banana overnight oats


Feta and bacon frittata


Raspberry with lemon sauce pudding



                                                           Banana pancake with blueberries

I'm currently cooking lasagne to take to family tomorrow along with some home cooking for the twins who recently celebrated their first birthdays. Yes, Phoebe and Sam are now over 1 year old and I can't go without sharing a few memories and photos from the day. It was pretty chaotic and I didn't take a single photo but Kirsty has said that it's ok for me to use some of the photos that she sent me.

The children had a birthday party at a soft play centre near to where they live. There was a separate area for little ones under 18 months of age and the usual activities for the older children. Kirsty had invited a lot of people and wanted to include as many of the people as possible that have been so important and so supportive over the past year or so. It was lovely that so many were able to make it.
There were children of all ages, there were grandparents, great grandparents, aunties, uncles, cousins and friends. There were sandwiches, crisps, jelly and ice cream and, of course, a cake. Sam fell asleep halfway through the party but woke in time for jelly and ice cream of course! Phoebe didn't eat any of the food but took her bottle happily and both children enjoyed lots of cuddles.
For me it was lovely to see the friends of Kirsty who came, many who now have their own children. Many of those friends used to come to our house when they were teenagers and we have known them for a long time. To see that these friendships have stayed the course was lovely to see. There was also another set of twins and a set of triplets who made the journey to join the family which was really appreciated by the family.









Uncles, auntie and princess


                                            Happy birthday!



Chief bridesmaid in waiting!



                                                        Daddy's girl


                                                   Cousins


                                         3 generations



 So, belated happy birthday to my gorgeous bubbas. Well done Mummy and Daddy for making it through the first year and still being sane! Thank you from me to everyone who has supported the family. Thanks to those that offer lifts, that cook and shop for them, that are there at the end of the phone when things are stressful and/or difficult, that are just there. You have no idea how much you have done to keep things going along so smoothly.

That's enough for now.

Thanks for taking the time and bothering to read this. I know I go on a bit!

Stay safe and be kind to each other.

xxxxxx

Sunday 22 January 2017

When Phoebe Ate Cake....😊🎉🎂

Well crikey! That was a busy week. Last weekend we had the eldest three grandchildren to stay overnight. 



Noah and Grandad doing homework😍

On Monday I had my eyebrows waxed for the very first time followed by a wonderful massage of my back and shoulders which really hit the spot. I left the salon feeling like a different woman. On Monday evening hubby went away for work and didn't return until Thursday evening so I've been dog walking a lot. On Tuesday I went to see middle daughter for a catch up. In the evening I went with youngest daughter to a taster session for the Rock Choir where we learned the harmonies for 'A Little Help From My Friends'. It was fun and really liberating to sing out loud with other people.



 On Wednesday I had the twins for the day while their parents went to work. It's always exhausting but I love my time with them.


The twins love books📚

 On Thursday I went to work as usual and hubby returned in the evening. On Friday I made a birthday cake and bought some edible cat decorations to go on it along with some pink glitter. It was far from perfect but tasted nice when we tried it today! 




Cake in progress 

I also brought myself some size 14 jeans and a t shirt which was great. Quite how I am still able to get into size 14 clothes after the rubbish I have been eating lately is beyond me to be honest but I'm very happy about it. I think it's the dog walking that is helping plus the incentive of the Fitbit which I still wear everyday....although sometimes I forget to charge it up and then it runs out midway through the day which is very frustrating.


Bella patiently waiting for another walk

Friday also saw me meeting up with a man who has agreed to do some repair work to my hut. It was a glorious day and I was very tempted to stay but I had loads to do and it was freezing! 





On Saturday hubby and I went and met up with his two brothers. We had tapas for lunch and a catch up before one of them flies off to Hong Kong for a couple of weeks on holiday and to celebrate his birthday. I'm not convinced about tapas. I'd much rather have a 'proper' meal😉 

Tapas. Just okay 😕

Today, Sunday, we met up with most of the family and had lunch to celebrate another birthday, this time it was my son's girlfriend who has her birthday tomorrow. The cake I made earlier in the week was for her. I gave the cake to the waiting staff without Georgie knowing and the cake was brought out after our main course with candles and everything! Georgie had no idea. We all sang her 'Happy Birthday' and then ate said cake. It was lovely even if I do say so myself. 


 
Georgie and her cake🎂

Phoebe and Sam were with us and they were amazingly well behaved. They sat in high chairs,there were no tears, Sam ate about half of his Daddy's food and then, amazingly, Phoebe ate some cake. This is the girl who hardly eats anything. 




This morning she ate a bowl of porridge for the first time ever and then she ate cake. It was just wonderful to see. This bodes well as it's their first birthday on Thursday and there will most certainly be cake there!
Add to that that Sam was wearing a shirt and bow tie and Phoebe was wearing a pink dress and had a bow in her hair you might be able to understand why I was so taken with them..... well, more than usual anyway😉




 We also had the drama of Trump being inaugurated on Thursday and my sadness at seeing the Obamas leaving the White House for the last time. We also received news of the passing of a man who was a big part of my hubby's life which was upsetting. He was one of those characters that you think will be around forever. He had been ill for some time but when the end comes it's quite often still a shock of sorts. Jim, you will be missed. 

So it's been busy, it's been fun and it's been heartwarming. How lovely❤ Have a great week everyone. Xxx