The One When Phoebe Was Poorly And Surgery Was Postponed

Hi all.

Before we start, and just to be clear, Kirsty has asked me to share this information. I think she is hoping that it will save a lot of explaining and lots of concerned (or otherwise) phone calls and texts.

Several weeks ago, Phoebe's parents received an appointment date for her cleft palate surgery which was due to take place at The Evalina children's hospital in London. This was to be the first of (possibly) various future surgeries for this little one and quite probably the most important  that we are aware of as the implications of not repairing the palate impact on feeding, drinking, speech and dental progression to name but a few things.

As soon as the date was known, Mum and Dad set about sorting out care for Sam for the duration of the proposed hospital stay, informed their various workplaces and sorted out time off, changes of shift etc. I was asked to have Sam, which I was delighted to do, so I managed to get someone to cover my shifts in one job and had to not go in to my other job which was all okayed by my bosses.

Almost as soon as the date was given, and as is so often the way, both babies came down with colds. So did Daddy! Both little ones sneezed and spluttered their way through for a few days but Phoebe was quite chesty and, as her Mummy described her, was being a 'snotbag'! Poor Phoebe!!
As the surgery date was looming and Phoebs wasn't getting any better, Mummy took both bubbas to the doctor last week where they were both given antibiotics as a precaution purely because of the upcoming surgery.

Yesterday, Mummy, Daddy and Phoebe boarded a train to London, Phoebe still sneezing and now coughing despite finishing her course of antibiotics. I took Sam home with me and the rest of the family went to the Evalina hospital where Phoebe had her pre op assessment. Apparently it was quite clear that the staff felt it doubtful that the surgery would go ahead because Phoebe sounded chesty but they all had to stay there overnight just incase she made some kind of incredible recovery.
Unfortunately, the opposite happened. She had a miserable night. She got barely any sleep and was coughing more than ever according to Mum and Dad who had to share a room with her.
Phoebe also had to be woken up and given a bottle at 5.30 am this morning just in case the surgery went ahead. She took the feed and then threw it up.
When they got to Ocean ward for 8 am as planned, the doctor and anaesthetist basically took one look at Phoebe and said 'No op today, I'm afraid'. They were very apologetic but I think that Mummy and Daddy were relieved. Having a general anaesthetic is a big deal for a child, especially a little 'dot' like Phoebe, and they want her to be totally healthy before she undergoes any procedure.
Mummy, Daddy and Phoebe packed their belongings, went for breakfast and then boarded a train home again with a promise of a rescheduled date for the surgery in two or three weeks time. Kirsty has always said that the op won't happen until just before Christmas so, as usual, she will probably be right!

I took Sam home to his Mummy, Daddy and sister and then bubbas, Mummy and I headed off to the doctor as Mummy had managed to get an appointment. Sam was checked over as he is still coughing but he was fine. Young Phoebe has a fever, a very red inner ear and an upper respiratory tract virus which explains the coughing and spluttering and her general malaise. Calpol and paediatric Nurofen is to be taken regularly for 5 days by which time she should be feeling better. I do hope so. She was in quite a sorry state today. She is so tired and feels so poorly. She just sat being cuddled by her Mummy and could barely lift her head up.

'I'm not feeling very well'.

Phoebe's Mummy and Daddy deliberately only told a few people about the surgery date, just as they didn't tell many people about the date of Kirsty's caesarian op when the twins were born, because they didn't want a lot of fuss and wanted to be able to get on with it and tell people when it was all over. Hopefully, any of you reading this will get all the info that you need for now which, I think, is why Kirsty asked me to write something. 

Sam and I had fun anyway!

Until next time.

Nanny xxxx

The One Where I Start To Plan Christmas...And So Much More!

Well, here we are again. Another Sunday, another blog post. I do hope that you're all ok and had a safe and happy Guy Fawkes night. Due to working, I wasn't able to get to any organised displays this year which was a bit sad as I do love a firework or two. The weather in this part of the world was perfect for Bonfire night. The skies were clear, there was no rain and there was little wind. Hopefully, next year I will be able to have a sparkler and 'ooh' and 'aahh' at the displays. Alternatively, maybe I'll go to Epcot or Disney in Florida and watch their nightly displays!

This last week has finally seen the settling of my dear father in law's estate after a very long, drawn out process for all involved. I never would have thought that trying to sell a flat could be so very complicated. We live and learn I suppose. Anyway, my hubby has been brilliant throughout. He has dealt with everything in a calm and composed way and has been honest and transparent in all that he has done. He has found it upsetting at times and has often been frustrated at every turn but he has seen it through and I know that his Dad would be extremely proud of the way that he has remained composed and together with very little help. My hubby doesn't often get mentioned in my blogs or get a lot of credit but he deserves a mention here for being thoughtful, generous and considerate throughout this process. We love you Grandad Fish!

                                                 Russell and his Dad who would be proud of his 'Son No.1'.

I have had today off and so I have walked the dogs twice and been to the hut for an hour or so too. All of these things were a joy, especially as the weather was so favourable. Walking the dogs is a pleasure when it's not raining. Walking them when the leaves are all falling off of the trees, when it's a bit frosty and when the sun is shining is wonderful. All of these pics were taken at Queen Elizabeth Country Park which is a 5 minute drive from our house. How lucky are we?

                                           Bella and her ball. It goes everywhere with us!

                                                 Harvey dog

As mentioned, and between dog walks, I took a trip to the hut basically to put it to bed for the winter which really means bringing home anything that is going to get damp and mouldy over the coming months. Yet again, the weather was glorious and I sat in the sun drinking hot chocolate for a while before packing everything away. A final sweep of the floor showed signs of mice which was a little alarming but everything is now packed away and any mice that are in there will be undisturbed for a while I expect although trips to the hut in the winter months are actually really lovely so time will tell.

Hot chocolate and biscuits coming up

Isle of Wight in the distance

Amazing weather for November

One last photo before I go!

This week I have been trying to make plans for Christmas and have booked a trip to Lapland UK  for the elder three grandchildren and their Mummy and a trip to Christmas at Kew Gardens which I went to last year with a very pregnant daughter and her husband and which we all adored. We hope to go this year with the twins which will be so lovely. I'm hoping to make some wonderful memories for us all. The invitations from Father Christmas in Lapland have already arrived for the children.

...and hopefully Kew will be just as wonderful as last year.

No bump this year!

 Finally, for now at least, I looked after Phoebe and Sam again in the week while Mummy went to work. It was, as ever, a joy to have them. I still have no idea how Mummy and Daddy stay so calm and unflustered on a day to day basis though! Trying to stick to any kind of routine with them is really hard for me just for a day. However, we made it unscathed through another Wednesday. Hooray!

Happy Phoebe

Smiley Sam

Remembrance Day next week and all things 'Poppy' so I'll leave you with a photo of my poppy which comes from the display at the Tower of London 2 years ago. I was honoured to be one of the many, along with my sister and my niece, who were able to take part in the event. It was a really special day. I've just got my poppy out of its box and it now stands proudly in my garden in the pot that contains the gooseberry bush from my Nan's garden. Thinking about it, maybe I should have it indoors? I'd be heartbroken if it got damaged!

Bye for now. Stay safe and be kind.

xxxxx

The Great South Run, A Birthday and Nanny Stuff

Good morning one and all and welcome to the start of winter. Yep, it's the morning that the clocks go back an hour and the mornings get lighter but the evenings get longer. I, naturally, have been awake since 4 a.m. (or is that 5 a.m.?). I put a load of washing, filled the dishwasher and fed the dogs, had a banana pancake for breakfast and am on my 2nd huge mug of tea. It's still only 7.45 am so lots of time to do plenty more should the fancy take me.

Firstly, today is the 2nd birthday of our 4th grandchild and 2nd grandson Marley. He is a beautiful looking little boy with blonde wavy hair, the bluest of eyes and a love of hats! He is a typical lad of his age. He loves his Mummy and spends most of his time with her and his family and so he tends to find visitors and people that he doesn't know very well quite daunting. I know that, before we know it, all that will change and he will soon be wanting to come to stay at our house  with his older brother and sisters. Happy birthday gorgeous Marley Moo!

This is an old snap of Marley but I love it!

      Marley now💙

Now, regarding my last blog post of a few weeks ago....I know it caused a little concern and consternation. It wasn't written with that intention. It really was just a way of clearing my head and getting my thoughts in order but thank you to everyone who was worried about me. I'm fine! I have had time to think things through and make some decisions. I have a very busy month or so ahead with all manners of commitments and things going on but I hope to be able to hold it all together without having any kind of meltdown. Hopefully this blog will be proof of that but time will tell.

I have had two weeks away from work which has been beneficial but I have not been sitting around doing nothing....at least, not very often although, compared to some people I feel positively slovenly. I have taken the opportunity to meet up with people that I have been meaning to see for ages which has been lovely. Various grandchildren have been to stay and we have visited the beach hut on several occasions too which has been a real bonus and a tonic at this time of year.

My beautiful Pops and Robyn at the local garden centre

Prosecco and the Sunday papers on a glorious day at the hut

Last Sunday my middle daughter took part in, and completed, the Great South Run which is held at Portsmouth every year. I took her to the event and drove the short trip to Southsea in brilliant sunshine. We got there with plenty of time to spare so managed a bracing walk and a cup of coffee before the event started.

I have wanted to go and support Lou in her running for ages but there always seems to be something that stops me but this time I was determined to be there for her. It was nice to spend some quality time just the two of us having a catch up without interruption. This is a rare occurrence as you can imagine for a mum of 4 young children!

I saw her set off, I saw her en route and even saw her as she approached the finish line. She did so well and it was fabulous to see her with her medal. It made me want to run again😱

                                                    Proud Mummy moment

After a long 18 months, it seems as if we are getting to the end of settling my father in laws estate. It has taken so long and has been so very stressful along the way. Hubby has done a wonderful job of dealing with everything but even he has found it difficult to deal with at times. I know that he just wants to feel that he has fulfilled his parents wishes and dealt with the situation as best as he could and he has certainly done that and much more. I know that they would be very proud of him and the way that he has conducted himself throughout.

On to wedding planning and Rosie and Harry's ideas for their big day are continuing to take shape. Yesterday they asked Robyn and Poppy is they would be their bridesmaids and the girls were thrilled. Both girls were given an envelope with a personalised invitation inside which was a lovely touch. The invitations are going to go into their memory boxes we are told. They were both then measured for their bridesmaids dresses and then Rosie, Harry and Harry's mum set off on a search for fabric as the dresses are being handmade for them. How exciting!

Kirsty has returned to work so it's all hands to the pump with childcare plans. I had my first full day with them on Wednesday and lived to tell the tale! In truth, they were as good as gold and I thoroughly enjoyed my time with them. I'm not saying that I wasn't tired by the end of the day, especially as hubby was away and I had two dogs to walk before and after my 'shift', but I guess at 56 you aren't going to be able to breeze through the day like you can when you are in your 30's.

                                                      Snack time

So, life goes on....thank goodness! Yes, it has its worries and frustrations. It has its highs and lows. There is always something to worry about and fret over(for me at least) but there is always so very much to be thankful for. I'm thankful everyday for my health and for my family. For me I think that should be enough.

Happy Sunday everyone. Stay safe and be kind always.

xxxx

P.S. I have this little guide beside my bed and as my screensaver on my ipad. It's just a reminder to me to actually think about things and I believe it's helping me along the way.

A Fight With My Inner Self....Again

Hi folks,

This is a 'feeling rubbish' post. I'm knackered, fighting a cold and ear ache, the heating system is playing up yet again and there has been drilling going on in the garden of  the house at the bottom of our garden since 8 am. It's Saturday and I had the chance of a lay in. Some chance.
I'm working a lot and not enjoying it and there is no end to that situation until the middle of December.
My car passed its MOT but cost £500+ and there are still bits to do to it to get it working properly. I have to have a car for work so it had to be done.
I'm heartily fed up with trying to help people and encourage people and being taken for granted in the process. I'm fed up with walking on egg shells and worrying about what I should say and what I shouldn't say for fear of upsetting someone/anyone without even realising it. I'm fed up with being asked 'what's wrong with you?' as if there is always something wrong with me even when there's not. I'm fed up with not being allowed to be me, fed up with always being made to feel as if I should be a better person, I should be more than I am, I should be more grateful, I should be happier, I should have more faith in myself, I should be this and I should do that.
I don't want to compete with anyone. I don't want to be made to feel that I'm not good enough. I don't want to feel like this basically.

I do want to be happy and I do want to be healthy. I do want to enjoy my work and I do want to be a good wife, mum, nanny and friend. I do want to have positive experiences and I do want to have fun. I do want to be able to say what I feel and say what I think whether or not it's 'the right thing'.

When a person is continually asked what is wrong with them when there is nothing wrong at all, it can make you feel really uneasy. You start to think that there really IS something wrong with you and then start to question your feelings and emotions, your behaviour and your whole being. I used to feel this way when I was a child. I was quiet and shy and I was made to feel that it was wrong to be like that. I was supposed to be gregarious and outgoing like everyone else, apparently, so, even at the tender age of 7 I was made to feel that 'being me' wasn't good enough....that I had to be more like other people. That feeling carried on through my teenage years when the shyness continued and chronic self consciousness became the norm for me. No suprise then, I guess, when my adulthood became a anxiety ridden mess.
It has only been relatively recently that I realised that anxiety is actually a 'thing'.  I've lived most of my life in a state of anxiety and always thought it was just me and how I am. Up to a point I guess that is true. We are all born with characteristics and traits that shape our personalities. I was never going to be a go getter, an attention seeker, the bell of the ball or take centre stage at parties no matter how I tried even if I wanted to be....which I didn't. I always found, and still do find, social gatherings excruciating. It doesn't matter how lovely the hosts are or how welcoming everyone is, I'd much rather be at home. Even gatherings in my own home can be a horrible experience for me. The build up is super stressful and exhausting so I often end up sitting in a corner exhausted by the time the party starts and that's just with family.

The crux of the matter for me, at the the moment I feel, is that I have gone back to a job that I didn't enjoy with the best of intentions and that job has knocked me back and reminded me of how rubbish I can feel. I was actually doing pretty well until the last few weeks and then I was in a situation where I felt inadequate, hugely stressed and vulnerable and it has knocked the wind out of my sails. I am left feeling anxious, miserable, grumpy and on edge. I know the right thing for me would be to quit the job right now but I can't do that. I have obligations and a contract and I don't want to let anyone down but there is a huge lesson that I need to learn from this experience. I need to follow my heart. If I had listened to my heart I wouldn't have agreed to go back to the job. I would have remembered how it made me feel the last time I was there. Instead I felt guilty because I felt I wasn't working enough. How ridiculous is that?

So, another self indulgent blog post that is really full of gloom and doom but, as I often say here, this is my blog and it's about me and my life. This is me and my life today. I will be brighter when this cold goes away and when I feel less anxious. Let's hope it's not too long eh?

Have a lovely weekend.

Xxx

A Headful of Phoebe

Hi all,

This is a quick post really just to get this out of my head and also so that I don't forget this experience in years to come.
I went to a spa for the day yesterday with my bestie. It was wonderful and just what the doctor ordered....rest, relaxation, healthy lunch and the added bonus of glorious sunshine.  We sat outside, me in my bikini, in the sunshine....in October for goodness sake🌞😊.

I used the steam room, the pool, the tepidarium (I think that is what it's called anyway), the jacuzzi and the relaxation areas. I had a back and neck massage by a male masseur! First time for everything and he was very good.

I had been awake since 3.30 am for no obvious reason and so it was the perfect tonic for me.

Anyway, I spent a lot of time in the quiet area where there is a floating pool. It does what it say on the tin. You lay in the water and you float. I think it's the salt in the water or something that makes it possible but, whatever it is, it's fabulous.

I lay on my back with my eyes closed and floated about with just the sound of the water lapping at the edge of the pool and some distant relaxation music in the background. I found that I could really stretch out my hips too. I got myself into the 'crab' position...you know the one? On your back, feet on the floor and hands on the floor over your head and with your tummy pulled up towards the ceiling?  Not a great description I don't think but when we were kids we called it ' the crab'.  Because the water was so supporting, I could stretch my right hip out beautifully and it felt good.

All very lovely and super relaxing but then I returned to just floating and drifted about feeling totally relaxed, not aware of anything at all when, out of the blue, my whole head just became filled up with Phoebe! I can't describe it anyway other than that. It was as if her head was inside mine and I could see from inside hers. It felt like our two heads were together?! It was the strangest but the most lovely thing. It was fleeting, probably only a couple of seconds, but I can't stop thinking about it. I feel like it means something but I've no idea what.

So, if any of you are spiritually minded, hippy folk who could shed some light on this experience I'd be interested in your views. I assure you that no medication, drugs or anything other than a cup of coffee and a mug of camomile tea had been consumed!

That's it. That's all I need to share. Thanks for reading and for being there.

Xxxxx

Oh, and if you do like alternative 'hippy' stuff, catch The Retreat on BBC2. Nick Knowles financed the programmes apparently and it's based in Thailand where a group of people detox, reboot their lives and tried all sorts of alternative treatments. I liked it, obviously😂😂

Makaton, Signing and Solids

Finally.....a bit of time and a clear head. I've been wanting to write a blog post for a while but just haven't had the chance. I recently made the decision to increase my working hours to give me a little more money and, due to unforeseen circumstances, I am now working 5 days a week for various amounts of time and it's taking me and my body a while to get used to the change. Things will settle down but, for now, it's all systems go.

It's Sunday lunchtime and I'm still in my dressing gown. I have hoovered, polished, dusted and fed the dogs so I haven't been completely idle. I have also been trying to free up some space on my phone by removing all the photos that are on it. I tried to install an update for my ipad which got stuck after about an hour so I cancelled that and then I tried to free up some space on this laptop. Lots of trying but not much success to be honest.

I try to not make all of these posts about my grandchildren but it is so difficult when I think about them so often and I love them so much. I also try not to make everything about Phoebe and Sam but that is equally hard because there is so much going on with them. For now, Phoebe is the grandchild that I think about the most because it's a very important time for her with lots of appointments and clinics to attend and lots of decisions looming about her future. I have no doubt that some people will think that is wrong in some way, that the fact that I worry about her more than the others is unfair but it's the truth. I don't love her any more than my other five darlings but I do worry about her more than them just at the moment.

I had a lovely video from my daughter the other day. My gorgeous Poppy had been singled out for praise because she has been helping a little boy in her class who has sight and hearing problems. Poppy has always loved to look after people and is a very caring little girl. She has apparently been wonderful with this little boy. She has also been learning British Sign Language and I was sent a video of her signing the alphabet. She's just 6 years old. What a sweetheart! I'm so proud of her.

Pops with her BSL cards

Phoebe has been invited to some Sign and Sing classes so that she can be aware of Makaton and the symbols and signs used in that form of sign language and so, as a consequence, we are all having a little go at learning to sign. I have some experience of Makaton but it is limited so I have been trying to learn a new sign every day. I have also been putting a video of a signed word up each day on my Facebook page and that seems to be appreciated by some people which is fabulous. Whether or not Phoebe eventually needs to use sign language, which is still in doubt, I think it's a great skill to have. Sam can learn alongside his sister and, hopefully, the whole of our family will be able to have a go at signing at some point.

I travelled to Addenbrookes hospital in Cambridge last week with my daughter and the twins to attend the Stickler Syndrome Diagnostic Clinic and, apart from us managing to lose Sam's beloved Peter Rabbit cuddly, which has since been replaced I hasten to add, we had a positive experience all round. My daughter's eyes remain stable and unchanged which is wonderful. We were also able to have Sam's blood taken so that he can be tested for the syndrome despite not showing any of the traits. It is possible that he may have the faulty gene that causes Stickler Syndrome so his parents want to be absolutely certain that he can't pass the condition on. I stayed with Phoebe, who was content to suck the chocolate off of my Kit Kat bar, while Sam and Mummy went off for the blood test. Apparently, he was an absolute star and only cried when it was all over and a plaster was put on his arm. Results, and hopefully peace of mind, will be available in about 3 weeks. Sam and Phoebe were both supposed to be tested when they were born but only Phoebe's results ever came back so it was important for Mummy and Daddy that Sam was tested as soon as possible.

Super smiley Sam

I'm already thinking about what I can do as my next fundraising challenge (next year before you roll your eyes!) and who to do it for. We are spoiled for choice as Phoebe is under the care of quite a few different specialities at the moment. I have raised money for several charities and organisations over the years including Cancer Research, Chase Children's Hospice, Treloar School, various cancer charities, The Stickler Syndrome Diagnostic Clinic and SCBU at The Royal Surrey County Hospital to name a few. If anyone has any ideas either for the type of challenge or the charity that I can support please do let me know. I would prefer it to be personal or related to an organisation that supports any of my family, not just Phoebe of course. I look forward to hearing from you.

Finally, Phoebe is prone to be a bit of a diva...yes, really....and she is not particularly impressed or, indeed, keen, on taking solid food. Her Mummy sent me these the other day!!

Phoebe very grumpy and not happy with this at all but then.......

.......very happy to try toast for the first time!

Until next time friends xxxxxxx

P.S.

I've just made a recording of me practising Makaton. It's a start!

I thought I could add it to this but it seems not. Frustration. It's on my Facebook and Twitter page anyway and if I can add it to this I will. Xxx