The Great South Run, A Birthday and Nanny Stuff

Good morning one and all and welcome to the start of winter. Yep, it's the morning that the clocks go back an hour and the mornings get lighter but the evenings get longer. I, naturally, have been awake since 4 a.m. (or is that 5 a.m.?). I put a load of washing, filled the dishwasher and fed the dogs, had a banana pancake for breakfast and am on my 2nd huge mug of tea. It's still only 7.45 am so lots of time to do plenty more should the fancy take me.

Firstly, today is the 2nd birthday of our 4th grandchild and 2nd grandson Marley. He is a beautiful looking little boy with blonde wavy hair, the bluest of eyes and a love of hats! He is a typical lad of his age. He loves his Mummy and spends most of his time with her and his family and so he tends to find visitors and people that he doesn't know very well quite daunting. I know that, before we know it, all that will change and he will soon be wanting to come to stay at our house  with his older brother and sisters. Happy birthday gorgeous Marley Moo!

This is an old snap of Marley but I love it!

      Marley now💙

Now, regarding my last blog post of a few weeks ago....I know it caused a little concern and consternation. It wasn't written with that intention. It really was just a way of clearing my head and getting my thoughts in order but thank you to everyone who was worried about me. I'm fine! I have had time to think things through and make some decisions. I have a very busy month or so ahead with all manners of commitments and things going on but I hope to be able to hold it all together without having any kind of meltdown. Hopefully this blog will be proof of that but time will tell.

I have had two weeks away from work which has been beneficial but I have not been sitting around doing nothing....at least, not very often although, compared to some people I feel positively slovenly. I have taken the opportunity to meet up with people that I have been meaning to see for ages which has been lovely. Various grandchildren have been to stay and we have visited the beach hut on several occasions too which has been a real bonus and a tonic at this time of year.

My beautiful Pops and Robyn at the local garden centre

Prosecco and the Sunday papers on a glorious day at the hut

Last Sunday my middle daughter took part in, and completed, the Great South Run which is held at Portsmouth every year. I took her to the event and drove the short trip to Southsea in brilliant sunshine. We got there with plenty of time to spare so managed a bracing walk and a cup of coffee before the event started.

I have wanted to go and support Lou in her running for ages but there always seems to be something that stops me but this time I was determined to be there for her. It was nice to spend some quality time just the two of us having a catch up without interruption. This is a rare occurrence as you can imagine for a mum of 4 young children!

I saw her set off, I saw her en route and even saw her as she approached the finish line. She did so well and it was fabulous to see her with her medal. It made me want to run again😱

                                                    Proud Mummy moment

After a long 18 months, it seems as if we are getting to the end of settling my father in laws estate. It has taken so long and has been so very stressful along the way. Hubby has done a wonderful job of dealing with everything but even he has found it difficult to deal with at times. I know that he just wants to feel that he has fulfilled his parents wishes and dealt with the situation as best as he could and he has certainly done that and much more. I know that they would be very proud of him and the way that he has conducted himself throughout.

On to wedding planning and Rosie and Harry's ideas for their big day are continuing to take shape. Yesterday they asked Robyn and Poppy is they would be their bridesmaids and the girls were thrilled. Both girls were given an envelope with a personalised invitation inside which was a lovely touch. The invitations are going to go into their memory boxes we are told. They were both then measured for their bridesmaids dresses and then Rosie, Harry and Harry's mum set off on a search for fabric as the dresses are being handmade for them. How exciting!

Kirsty has returned to work so it's all hands to the pump with childcare plans. I had my first full day with them on Wednesday and lived to tell the tale! In truth, they were as good as gold and I thoroughly enjoyed my time with them. I'm not saying that I wasn't tired by the end of the day, especially as hubby was away and I had two dogs to walk before and after my 'shift', but I guess at 56 you aren't going to be able to breeze through the day like you can when you are in your 30's.

                                                      Snack time

So, life goes on....thank goodness! Yes, it has its worries and frustrations. It has its highs and lows. There is always something to worry about and fret over(for me at least) but there is always so very much to be thankful for. I'm thankful everyday for my health and for my family. For me I think that should be enough.

Happy Sunday everyone. Stay safe and be kind always.

xxxx

P.S. I have this little guide beside my bed and as my screensaver on my ipad. It's just a reminder to me to actually think about things and I believe it's helping me along the way.

A Fight With My Inner Self....Again

Hi folks,

This is a 'feeling rubbish' post. I'm knackered, fighting a cold and ear ache, the heating system is playing up yet again and there has been drilling going on in the garden of  the house at the bottom of our garden since 8 am. It's Saturday and I had the chance of a lay in. Some chance.
I'm working a lot and not enjoying it and there is no end to that situation until the middle of December.
My car passed its MOT but cost £500+ and there are still bits to do to it to get it working properly. I have to have a car for work so it had to be done.
I'm heartily fed up with trying to help people and encourage people and being taken for granted in the process. I'm fed up with walking on egg shells and worrying about what I should say and what I shouldn't say for fear of upsetting someone/anyone without even realising it. I'm fed up with being asked 'what's wrong with you?' as if there is always something wrong with me even when there's not. I'm fed up with not being allowed to be me, fed up with always being made to feel as if I should be a better person, I should be more than I am, I should be more grateful, I should be happier, I should have more faith in myself, I should be this and I should do that.
I don't want to compete with anyone. I don't want to be made to feel that I'm not good enough. I don't want to feel like this basically.

I do want to be happy and I do want to be healthy. I do want to enjoy my work and I do want to be a good wife, mum, nanny and friend. I do want to have positive experiences and I do want to have fun. I do want to be able to say what I feel and say what I think whether or not it's 'the right thing'.

When a person is continually asked what is wrong with them when there is nothing wrong at all, it can make you feel really uneasy. You start to think that there really IS something wrong with you and then start to question your feelings and emotions, your behaviour and your whole being. I used to feel this way when I was a child. I was quiet and shy and I was made to feel that it was wrong to be like that. I was supposed to be gregarious and outgoing like everyone else, apparently, so, even at the tender age of 7 I was made to feel that 'being me' wasn't good enough....that I had to be more like other people. That feeling carried on through my teenage years when the shyness continued and chronic self consciousness became the norm for me. No suprise then, I guess, when my adulthood became a anxiety ridden mess.
It has only been relatively recently that I realised that anxiety is actually a 'thing'.  I've lived most of my life in a state of anxiety and always thought it was just me and how I am. Up to a point I guess that is true. We are all born with characteristics and traits that shape our personalities. I was never going to be a go getter, an attention seeker, the bell of the ball or take centre stage at parties no matter how I tried even if I wanted to be....which I didn't. I always found, and still do find, social gatherings excruciating. It doesn't matter how lovely the hosts are or how welcoming everyone is, I'd much rather be at home. Even gatherings in my own home can be a horrible experience for me. The build up is super stressful and exhausting so I often end up sitting in a corner exhausted by the time the party starts and that's just with family.

The crux of the matter for me, at the the moment I feel, is that I have gone back to a job that I didn't enjoy with the best of intentions and that job has knocked me back and reminded me of how rubbish I can feel. I was actually doing pretty well until the last few weeks and then I was in a situation where I felt inadequate, hugely stressed and vulnerable and it has knocked the wind out of my sails. I am left feeling anxious, miserable, grumpy and on edge. I know the right thing for me would be to quit the job right now but I can't do that. I have obligations and a contract and I don't want to let anyone down but there is a huge lesson that I need to learn from this experience. I need to follow my heart. If I had listened to my heart I wouldn't have agreed to go back to the job. I would have remembered how it made me feel the last time I was there. Instead I felt guilty because I felt I wasn't working enough. How ridiculous is that?

So, another self indulgent blog post that is really full of gloom and doom but, as I often say here, this is my blog and it's about me and my life. This is me and my life today. I will be brighter when this cold goes away and when I feel less anxious. Let's hope it's not too long eh?

Have a lovely weekend.

Xxx

A Headful of Phoebe

Hi all,

This is a quick post really just to get this out of my head and also so that I don't forget this experience in years to come.
I went to a spa for the day yesterday with my bestie. It was wonderful and just what the doctor ordered....rest, relaxation, healthy lunch and the added bonus of glorious sunshine.  We sat outside, me in my bikini, in the sunshine....in October for goodness sake🌞😊.

I used the steam room, the pool, the tepidarium (I think that is what it's called anyway), the jacuzzi and the relaxation areas. I had a back and neck massage by a male masseur! First time for everything and he was very good.

I had been awake since 3.30 am for no obvious reason and so it was the perfect tonic for me.

Anyway, I spent a lot of time in the quiet area where there is a floating pool. It does what it say on the tin. You lay in the water and you float. I think it's the salt in the water or something that makes it possible but, whatever it is, it's fabulous.

I lay on my back with my eyes closed and floated about with just the sound of the water lapping at the edge of the pool and some distant relaxation music in the background. I found that I could really stretch out my hips too. I got myself into the 'crab' position...you know the one? On your back, feet on the floor and hands on the floor over your head and with your tummy pulled up towards the ceiling?  Not a great description I don't think but when we were kids we called it ' the crab'.  Because the water was so supporting, I could stretch my right hip out beautifully and it felt good.

All very lovely and super relaxing but then I returned to just floating and drifted about feeling totally relaxed, not aware of anything at all when, out of the blue, my whole head just became filled up with Phoebe! I can't describe it anyway other than that. It was as if her head was inside mine and I could see from inside hers. It felt like our two heads were together?! It was the strangest but the most lovely thing. It was fleeting, probably only a couple of seconds, but I can't stop thinking about it. I feel like it means something but I've no idea what.

So, if any of you are spiritually minded, hippy folk who could shed some light on this experience I'd be interested in your views. I assure you that no medication, drugs or anything other than a cup of coffee and a mug of camomile tea had been consumed!

That's it. That's all I need to share. Thanks for reading and for being there.

Xxxxx

Oh, and if you do like alternative 'hippy' stuff, catch The Retreat on BBC2. Nick Knowles financed the programmes apparently and it's based in Thailand where a group of people detox, reboot their lives and tried all sorts of alternative treatments. I liked it, obviously😂😂

Makaton, Signing and Solids

Finally.....a bit of time and a clear head. I've been wanting to write a blog post for a while but just haven't had the chance. I recently made the decision to increase my working hours to give me a little more money and, due to unforeseen circumstances, I am now working 5 days a week for various amounts of time and it's taking me and my body a while to get used to the change. Things will settle down but, for now, it's all systems go.

It's Sunday lunchtime and I'm still in my dressing gown. I have hoovered, polished, dusted and fed the dogs so I haven't been completely idle. I have also been trying to free up some space on my phone by removing all the photos that are on it. I tried to install an update for my ipad which got stuck after about an hour so I cancelled that and then I tried to free up some space on this laptop. Lots of trying but not much success to be honest.

I try to not make all of these posts about my grandchildren but it is so difficult when I think about them so often and I love them so much. I also try not to make everything about Phoebe and Sam but that is equally hard because there is so much going on with them. For now, Phoebe is the grandchild that I think about the most because it's a very important time for her with lots of appointments and clinics to attend and lots of decisions looming about her future. I have no doubt that some people will think that is wrong in some way, that the fact that I worry about her more than the others is unfair but it's the truth. I don't love her any more than my other five darlings but I do worry about her more than them just at the moment.

I had a lovely video from my daughter the other day. My gorgeous Poppy had been singled out for praise because she has been helping a little boy in her class who has sight and hearing problems. Poppy has always loved to look after people and is a very caring little girl. She has apparently been wonderful with this little boy. She has also been learning British Sign Language and I was sent a video of her signing the alphabet. She's just 6 years old. What a sweetheart! I'm so proud of her.

Pops with her BSL cards

Phoebe has been invited to some Sign and Sing classes so that she can be aware of Makaton and the symbols and signs used in that form of sign language and so, as a consequence, we are all having a little go at learning to sign. I have some experience of Makaton but it is limited so I have been trying to learn a new sign every day. I have also been putting a video of a signed word up each day on my Facebook page and that seems to be appreciated by some people which is fabulous. Whether or not Phoebe eventually needs to use sign language, which is still in doubt, I think it's a great skill to have. Sam can learn alongside his sister and, hopefully, the whole of our family will be able to have a go at signing at some point.

I travelled to Addenbrookes hospital in Cambridge last week with my daughter and the twins to attend the Stickler Syndrome Diagnostic Clinic and, apart from us managing to lose Sam's beloved Peter Rabbit cuddly, which has since been replaced I hasten to add, we had a positive experience all round. My daughter's eyes remain stable and unchanged which is wonderful. We were also able to have Sam's blood taken so that he can be tested for the syndrome despite not showing any of the traits. It is possible that he may have the faulty gene that causes Stickler Syndrome so his parents want to be absolutely certain that he can't pass the condition on. I stayed with Phoebe, who was content to suck the chocolate off of my Kit Kat bar, while Sam and Mummy went off for the blood test. Apparently, he was an absolute star and only cried when it was all over and a plaster was put on his arm. Results, and hopefully peace of mind, will be available in about 3 weeks. Sam and Phoebe were both supposed to be tested when they were born but only Phoebe's results ever came back so it was important for Mummy and Daddy that Sam was tested as soon as possible.

Super smiley Sam

I'm already thinking about what I can do as my next fundraising challenge (next year before you roll your eyes!) and who to do it for. We are spoiled for choice as Phoebe is under the care of quite a few different specialities at the moment. I have raised money for several charities and organisations over the years including Cancer Research, Chase Children's Hospice, Treloar School, various cancer charities, The Stickler Syndrome Diagnostic Clinic and SCBU at The Royal Surrey County Hospital to name a few. If anyone has any ideas either for the type of challenge or the charity that I can support please do let me know. I would prefer it to be personal or related to an organisation that supports any of my family, not just Phoebe of course. I look forward to hearing from you.

Finally, Phoebe is prone to be a bit of a diva...yes, really....and she is not particularly impressed or, indeed, keen, on taking solid food. Her Mummy sent me these the other day!!

Phoebe very grumpy and not happy with this at all but then.......

.......very happy to try toast for the first time!

Until next time friends xxxxxxx

P.S.

I've just made a recording of me practising Makaton. It's a start!

I thought I could add it to this but it seems not. Frustration. It's on my Facebook and Twitter page anyway and if I can add it to this I will. Xxx

Grandchildren, Beach Hut Visits and Glasses!

Hello my friends, hello!

What a hectic few weeks I have just experienced....fabulous but hectic....and I don't really think I would have it any other way if truth be told.
The weather has, for the most part, been really nice although the last few morning dog walks have felt decidedly autumnal with my shorts being replaced by jeans and my flipflops by trainers. Yes, I admit to occasionally walking the hounds in flipflops.
The mornings have seen dew on the grass and the house has seen an influx of spiders, the plum tree has shed its fruit and blackberries are appearing everywhere. My daughter assures me that there is an Indian summer forecast for late next week and if anyone should know my weather geek is the one! Hopefully the shorts will make one more appearance before they are packed away for the winter.

Tomorrow sees me return to a job that I left over a year ago. The break has done me good and the timing was fortuitous for many reasons but I can't be a lady of leisure forever so it's back to shiftwork of sorts for a term at least and we will see how it goes. I'm looking forward to the challenge. There have been a lot of changes since I was last at work and I feel that I am almost a different person to the one who left there...certainly I am mentally stronger and I am definitely almost 2 stone lighter.

The last two weeks have seen me revelling in my role of Nanny. Oh, goodness me have I had fun!!
The 3 eldest grandchildren came to visit and stayed for two nights which was wonderful. We had a blissful day in glorious sunshine at my beach hut. My daughter joined us and we truly had the best day as you can probably tell from these photos....

We paddled and then swam in the sea. We went to the funfair. We had ice cream. We toasted marshmallows. We went on the train. Young Noah fell asleep on the sunlounger and was later transported via his car seat in my car back to my house and into bed without waking up at all! I think it's safe to say that we were all exhausted but elated by our day. Memories are made of days like those and I loved every single minute of it. It was the happiest day that I have had in a very long time and to spend it with some of my grandchildren and one of my girls at my beloved hut made it even more special. The children want to go to the hut every single time that they come to our house regardless of the weather and I am delighted by that.

Two days later I was back at the hut but this time the weather was less glorious and I was alone. I absolutely love being there on my own. That probably sounds selfish but it's my place to be me. I can listen to music, drink tea, read the paper and eat rubbish if I want to and that's exactly what I did and I loved it!

Earlier in the same week I was asked to look after youngest grandson while his Mum and Dad took his sister to Great Ormond Street where she had an appointment at the eye clinic. It was an early start as the appointment was at 9 am so it was a bleary eyed Nanny that drove to pick up Sam and drop the rest of his family at the station.
The appointment was always going to be an important one as we were hopeful of getting an accurate diagnosis of Phoebe's visual impairment. The hospital obviously is the best in the world when it comes to children's health and the family were sent there as the local hospital didn't have the specialist equipment needed to assess the eye health of a 7 month old baby.
Quite incredibly, within a couple of hours Mum, Dad and Phoebe were on their way home with a much better idea of Phoebe's sight issues and, more importantly, with a pair of glasses ordered and to be delivered within 6 weeks!

Back in the day when my eldest girls, both born with same condition as Phoebe, had to have glasses it was a real problem trying to find an optician that could make glasses that the girls were able to wear. Due to the facial appearance of people with Stickler Syndrome...the face appears flat and there is often little or no bridge to the nose to hold glasses in place...my girls had to endure wearing glasses that were specially made. The glasses were cumbersome and looked different and many times I was told that my girls were wearing their glasses upside down when, in fact, they glasses were made that way because it was the only way that they would stay on my girls noses. Some people!
The fact that Mum and Dad had been able to pick out a frame for their daughter that didn't need to be specially made was such a relief to me. I was dreading Phoebe having to try to wear glasses that were heavy and uncomfortable. I know from personal experience how difficult it can be as a parent to battle with your young child to get them to wear glasses and/or hearing aids when they really don't want to and Phoebe had been prescribed glasses at a younger age than her Mummy was. Her visual impairment is such that she needs to wear her glasses all the time. Keeping glasses on a cheeky 7 month old girl might be quite a challenge methinks. She has already managed to take them off umpteen times when no one's looking...especially when she is in her car seat!

Anyway, fast forward a week or so and I am visiting my daughter and the twins. Above their letterbox is a package that my daughter didn't know was there. In the package was a the dinkiest pair of glasses I have seen. Yes, Phoebe's glasses had arrived much quicker than expected and I was going to be able to see her put them on for the first time. What a privilege and how exciting!
Of course, young Phoebe decided that she wanted an extra long sleep so we had to wait for what seemed like ages for her to wake up but eventually we heard her chatting away so Mummy went and picked her up and put the glasses on her.

And what a difference. Straight away Phoebe was still. She stared at everything. She didn't  make a sound. She was completely absorbed in what, to her, were her new surroundings. It was wonderful to see her. It was obvious that she was already seeing things that she had never seen before. Of course, this soppy Nanny got a bit tearful again but it's such a huge, huge thing for Phoebe and her family and I can absolutely understand the enormity of that moment because I have been through it with two of my girls and their eyesight is not as affected as Phoebe's.

So, there we are. Another momentous moment for Phoebe and for her family. Another batch of wonderful memories made for me as a Mum and a Nanny. We have also had Poppy's 6th birthday, I've got tickets to see Frank Turner in December, my daughter has got another job and has been making wedding invitations and there is another birthday tomorrow when my eldest girly will be celebrating her 33rd birthday and her first as a Mummy. My goodness, time flies and aren't I just the luckiest person?

Much love

xxxx

A Very Special Time

Well, hello again people.

I'm sitting in my bedroom with the evening sun streaming through the windows, the sky is blue and there is a wonderful sense of calm. I wonder how long that will last! The sun or the sense of calm to be honest.

I wanted to take a little time to blog about the last two weeks. My eldest daughter came to stay at our house for 2 whole weeks with her 6 month old twins as a temporary stop gap while waiting for their new flat to become available. The little family had to vacate their previous home as their tenancy was up. My son in law (and Daddy of the twins) still had to work and so the decision was made that babies and Mummy spend some time with us and I have to say that the whole experience was totally joyful for me. To be able to spend so much quality time with the babies and really get to know them was a wonderful experience and one that I never expected to have.

I was able to help out when asked and, to be honest, when I wanted to. I was able to give both babies their bottles, change nappies, dress them, bath them, cuddle them and even read them bedtime stories.

In the two weeks that they were with us, Phoebe had her fringe cut at the hairdressers, learned how to roll over at will and became more vocal than I have ever heard her. She laughed and smiled. She learned how to clamp her mouth shut when she didn't want anymore of her bottle, she tried solids (strawberry and banana smoothie was her favourite) with little, if any, coming down her nose as it often does in babies with a cleft palate. She holds her head up when she is laying on her tummy which is brilliant as she was diagnosed as being a little bit floppy just a few months ago. She has a real determined streak which I loved to see and which I am sure will stand her in good stead for the future.

                                                     Loving the lights

Rolling over

                                                     Long hair!

Fringe cut

Rusks. Not sure.

Wonderful head control

Sam also had an exciting two weeks. He learned how to shriek loudly with excitement, he perfected his gorgeous smile and he is desperate to sit up on his own. He has grown a huge amount and a lot of that will be due to the solids that he is taking with no problem. He eats whatever he is given and really loves Farley's rusks in particular. Mummy decided that it was a good time for the dummy to go so he hasn't had that for ages and he has also got his first tooth!

Playtime

Feeling for that first tooth

Loving his rusk at breakfast time

Still smiling despite a sore gum

Getting so big

The twins were able to enjoy being outside in the garden and we even got them into a paddling pool for the first time. We had already brought Phoebe a swimming costume and Sam a pair of trunks in matching colours just in case the opportunity for a swim arose.

First paddling pool

First swimwear

 Mummy and Daddy also purchased some bath 'seats' so that both babies can now sit in the bath without needing holding all of the time which is brilliant and which means that they can go in the bath together. Sam loved it straight away. Phoebe was a little wary initially but ended up loving the experience so hopefully bath times will now be a bit easier for Mum and Dad...especially as bad backs knees are a bit of a problem for them both!

As I mentioned earlier, this has been a joyful and wonderful time for me and a privilege that I never expected to have. I doubt that I will ever have such an amount of time with the twins and their Mummy (and Daddy when he could get here) again and I cherished every minute. I loved the early mornings...if you call 6 am early. (Both babies sleep through the night and going in to see them first thing with their smiley faces and rosy cheeks was lovely). The twins had their own cots here from the 2nd day and they settled very happily in them in our spare room downstairs which became their bedroom. It was reassuring for their Mummy and Daddy to know that they would sleep happily as, up until that point, all four of them had to share one bedroom. Their new home has two bedrooms so the twins have their own room now which is great.

The two weeks flew by. It was lovely to spend time with my daughter too. She is a super mum but having twins is not easy...especially when one of them has extra needs. There have been difficult times but my daughter is stronger than ever. Yes, she gets weary, often feels that she hasn't achieved anything when, in reality, she has got through another day with two babies. I can tell you that the days just roll into each other! So many planned trips were not made because we simply ran out of time between feeds and nappy changes. It was nice to be able to look after my daughter for a while as in making sure that she was eating, doing the washing etc etc. It doesn't sound like much but I think it helped her to feel that she had had a bit of a break.

Today our house has seemed very quiet as you can imagine. All of the baby paraphernalia has gone along with the twins and their Mummy to their new home and I couldn't be happier for them all. Their new home is a new build with so much more space than they had before. There is plenty of daylight which is so important for Phoebe with her sight problems. She still loves bright lights and sunshine! There is space for the babies to roll around on the floor, there is room for all of the furniture and Mummy and Daddy are getting a new bed. Happy days!

Until next time...

xxxxx