Hi everyone.
Happy Sunday to one and all. I have had a day at home, writing Christmas cards, wrapping a few presents and cooking a roast dinner. Hubby has walked the dogs today which is always nice and I had a good lay in this morning after a few bad nights of little sleep.I have started to take a 'one a night' over the counter sleep aid again in a bid to help me with my sleepless nights and I have to say that they seem to be working which is fabulous. I have more energy in the day and I certainly feel better after a good night of more than 3 hours unbroken sleep!
I have had another good week. Anxiety continues to be something that only occurs to me when I think about it which is rarely these days. When I look back at the posts I have made previously on this blog relating to the subject of anxiety and surrounding issues I am amazed at how much better I feel. I am certain that not working in the field of care is good for me...indeed, not working at all come to that! I can now really appreciate just how stressed I became with my work....not the work itself but because I gave all of my jobs my absolute all. I have always got so absorbed in my various working environments. If it was a private job I would give my all to my client and to their family and friends, if it was in an institution I would feel that I was always ultimately responsible for whatever happened whether good or bad. I lived on my nerves, always alert for danger and possible problems. People told me that I cared too much - I'm afraid that I still don't believe that that is possible - and that i should just turn up, do the hours and walk away but you can't possibly do that if you are a carer of any kind.
Anyway, this week I rang the husband of one of my clients from years and years ago. My old client was a wonderful, wonderful lady who passed away almost 2 years ago. Ever since I left their employ - probably the best part of 20 years ago -I have always gone to visit them just before Christmas when we enjoy a cup of tea and a lot of chat! I wasn't sure how the husband ( who is 88 now) would be faring without his wife of about 50 years. He had not been in the best of health himself at our last meeting. Anyway, I rang him and he answered. He recognised my voice immediately and we had a lovely chat for a good 10 minutes before I arranged to go and visit him in the next week or so as I would always have done when his wife was alive.
I was elated when I finished the call. It was joyful to have an upbeat and lively conversation with an elderly man and he was totally honest and open with me about how much strength he has got from his religious beliefs. Just thinking about our conversation now is making me smile.
I know that the world is currently a scary place. Religion is being blamed for much of what is going wrong. There have been shootings, bombings and stabbings allegedly in the name of one God or another and yet there I was being totally uplifted by a gentle, softly spoken man whose faith in his God has given him more strength at one of the lowest points of his life than he feels deserving of. I truly felt inspired by my conversation with him and that feeling hasn't really left me and I'm not sure why.
On a similar theme, my youngest daughter has a date for her wedding and a venue for the reception and has today been to the church that she hopes to get married in. She has asked me to go to the Sunday service with her next week and I am delighted that she has asked and I am really looking forward to going. I do enjoy going to church and yet I have never found a church that I want to go to regularly. I find churches so peaceful and calming. I can sit for a long time in a church, a cathedral or similar just soaking up the stillness. I can gather my thoughts and just breathe. I also love singing hymns and, at this time of years, carol singing is high on my agenda. We have already pencilled in 3 carol concerts in the coming 10 days that I hope to go to and I am hopeful of at least one of the family coming along with me. We shall see!
Well, that's it for now I think on the day that my Mummy would have celebrated her birthday. I can't believe that it has been 8 years since she died, 8 years since we heard her voice, 8 years since we were able to hold her hand. I don't suppose any of us ever get over the deaths of our parents, we just learn to live with it apparently. My step dad and my brothers and sisters have done incredibly well since Mum died and I absolutely know that Mum would be thrilled and delighted with how we all are. She would adore her grandchildren and great grandchildren and she would be so very proud of her children. I'm sure that I speak for all of us when I say that we love you and we miss you Mum.
Have a good week everyone. Enjoy your Crimbo preparations!
xxxxxx
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