Hi everyone and thanks for taking the time to read this blog.
I am constantly amazed that anyone reads this. I know that I tend to just type away at random and let my thoughts spill out onto the page and that must be very annoying to a lot of people. I think that it's fortunate that most people that read this are people that know me and know what I'm like!
Today has been Mothers Day here in the UK. A day to spoil your Mum and make her feel special...although quite why there has to be a special day set aside to this this is a bit sad. Anyway, today was the first Mother's Day in 32 years that I haven't seen at least one of my offspring. However, due to the wonders of the internet I was able to Facetime one of my daughter's who had sent a parcel to me and had given me express orders to not open it until she could see me do so. I did as I was told and opened my Cath Kidston goodies with delight while hubby held my phone so that daughter could see my reaction.
Typically of me, as I opened each gift I had a good look at it to make sure that all was in order. The first gift I opened was a wash bag and inside was a small mirror. When I looked at the mirror closely I was disappointed to see that it was scratched and a bit 'used' looking. It was only after inspecting it more closely that I realised that there was a film covering the mirror to protect it. I peeled the film off to reveal a pristine mirror that will be a joy to use! I know...hopeless, aren't I?
I also received other lovely bits and pieces from my girls and was treated by my son to a burger and chips at Five Guys last Friday.
I know I've broadcasted it several times over the pages of this blog but I'll say it again...I feel so blessed to have four such wonderful children. I love them more than they will ever know. Of course there have been tough, difficult, heartbreaking times but I am incredibly proud of each of them and proud of the adults that they have become. They are all as different as chalk and cheese but they are all a piece of me and I love that. As they have grown up I can see parts of my character or personality in each of them and it does make me smile. They aren't aware of it (most of the time!) but I can see it.
Of course, days like today are incredibly difficult for those who are without their Mums for whatever reason. I am without my Mum for the 7th Mother's Day. I went to the crematorium and took her some flowers as I try to do on such days as today. I usually take fresh flowers but the deer tend to eat the heads off of the flowers overnight so I took some artificial flowers in the shape of a posy for her. They looked pretty so I hope that they will last a little while.
Memories of my Mum are never far from the surface. Like me with my own children, my Mum is a part of me and she goes with me wherever I go. I think of her every day and wish that she was still here to see how we are all getting on. How she would have loved all of the (so many that I've lost count) grandchildren and great grandchildren. She would be getting all of their names muddled up just like I do with my own grandchildren!
Mostly, I miss my Mum because she's not here. I know that sounds stupid but it's just that I can't pick up the phone and chat to her whenever I need reassurance. Her very presence in my world was enough to keep me going sometimes even if I hadn't spoken to her for ages. Just knowing she was there was enough. Typing that has actually made me cry....I'm at work and I can't cry!!..
At the age of 54 you would think that I would be 'over it' and I am really but sometimes it does the soul good to stop and think about things. To think about the people that we miss. To take time to appreciate the impact that they had on our lives.
I know that I will never stop missing my Mum. Despite the hurt and anguish that I felt towards her at times I never wanted to be without her. There is, of course, so much that I want to tell her, so much that I want to explain. Maybe, one day, I will get the chance.
You see, another random ramble that has taken me from joy to sadness and then out the other side again.
To my children....I love you. To my Mum....I miss you.
And to my husband who, today, made me a playlist of songs about 'us' on Spotify...possibly the most romantic thing he has ever done for me...I love you too.
Stay safe and look after each other,
xxxxx
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