A Fond Farewell

Hi everyone,

I'm a little late with this update. It's been a bit hectic over the last week or so. I've also been deliberating about what my subject matter should be. I have had two wonderful, solitary beach hut days in amongst the hecticness where I sat in the sun, drank tea and thanked my lucky stars for my good fortune but I feel it only right that I should type about the lovely service that was held for my late father in law last Friday.

The run up to the service had been the usual organised chaos that we, as a family, seem to excel at. My husband had to work and was away on the Wednesday night. I was working a night duty on the Thursday night and our paths didn't cross from Wednesday morning until Friday when I walked through the door at 8.30 am. Obviously, all of the organising had already been done but being apart meant that we weren't 'there' for each other. It wasn't a big deal really but I just needed to know that he was doing ok. Of course, when we finally caught up with each other all was well although hubby had developed a very painful ankle and was having difficulty wearing formal shoes...or any shoes come to think of it. I dosed him up with painkillers and anti-inflammatories, raised his ankle and put it on an ice pack and made him sit down and rest. The fact that he had driven hundreds of miles over the previous 2 days had made his already painful ankle much worse.
He was actually quite happy to do all of the above because he had already got his funeral attire ready. The funeral was at 1.30pm so we had quite a lot of spare time in the morning. While I busied myself with 'faffing about' and ringing the children, hubby sat and watched an episode of 'Peaky Blinders' to pass the time. He has the fortunate ability of being able to shut out everything else around him when he's watching something he likes on TV and that really helped him to relax for a little while before we had to get dressed and leave for the crematorium.

After stopping for petrol, we picked up our son and his girlfriend and made our way to the crematorium where people were already arriving for the service. We went round to the garden of remembrance so 'see' my Mum who has a plaque there and met with my lovely step-dad and my brother who had had the same idea. It was lovely to see them both. My daughter and son-in-law were also there so it was a proper family gathering.

Gradually more and more guests arrived. We had no idea how many people would attend the service especially as father in law had lost touch with most people over the last couple of years. We had put an obituary in the local paper and friends at the cricket club where he was vice president had spread the word but you never really know who is going to make it. We just wanted him to have a good send off and a good send off is exactly what he got.

There were lots and lots of people there including friends from the cricket club and the wine circle that he used to be so involved in with his wife. Family and friends travelled from Kent and from Yorkshire. A great turn out.

Soon enough the hearse pulled up and we entered the crematorium. Our son was one of the pall bearers as was one of my brother's in law. As usual, seeing the coffin being carried in made everything seem so real.

And so the service started. It was hosted by the same vicar who had taken my mother in law's service 2 and a half years ago. He was the perfect man for the job. Before long it was time for our two youngest 'children' to stand up and speak about their Grandad. Our daughter was composed and spoke eloquently about her much loved Grandad with whom she had a very special bond. I know that she had agonised for days and days about what to say. She practised for hours and timed herself so that she knew how long she was going to speak for. She spoke from the heart and I was incredibly proud of her and I know her Grandad would be too.
When it came to our son's turn to speak, the emotion and the reality of the situation suddenly dawned on him. I think he had spent the previous 2 weeks trying desperately NOT to think about his Grandad because it was too upsetting. He thought that he would be able to stand up, unprepared, and speak from the heart because he had a lot that he wanted to say. In reality, he wasn't able to say anything. He started to speak but the words wouldn't come out. I'm so glad that he had his sister there with him. She took him back to his seat where he stayed for the rest of the service.
Then it was the turn of my wonderful husband to speak about his Dad. He spoke from the heart about his Dad and his life. He remained composed even though I know how he was feeling inside. He delivered his eulogy in exactly the way that his Dad would have expected. As our daughter said, it was one of those occasions where you wanted to clap and cheer because he said everything that we felt and we were proud of him for being able to do so.
The end of the service soon came and the last piece of music that we had chosen for the committal, The Last Post, was played. It was incredibly moving but completely fitting for a proud Army man who we all loved  very much and who will be missed by his family every day.

After the service was over we all went outside and mingled with the lovely folk who had taken the time to come along and support us and to pay their respects. Everyone was so kind and had such lovely things to say about my father in law.
Then it was off to the wake which was being held at Normandy CC. Once again, we had no idea how many people would be able to get there but almost everyone did. There was, of course, (in true family tradition!) a free bar. My bestest friend had done the catering for us and had put on a wonderful spread which everyone enjoyed and on which everyone commented. There was a little presentation of flowers for the two aunties who had made the journey and also some flowers for me which was a totally unexpected and  wonderful surprise.

There is a bench at the cricket club which has a plaque on it in memory of my mother in law and where her ashes are scattered. We will be scattering my father in law's ashes at the same bench sometime in the summer. A group of us visited the bench while we were at the wake and we took some flowers and left them there for Grandma. At one point our children and their partners were all sat on and around the bench chatting and laughing. That was lovely to see. Their grandparents would have been happy.

Later in the day the 'kids' asked if they could share a bottle of prosecco. Hubby said 'Have two bottles. (There were 6 of them in the group). It's what Grandad would have wanted!' He was absolutely right, it is exactly what he would have wanted.

It was soon time to head home after a long, emotional day. Hubby was exhausted and pretty much fell into bed and then developed a fever and was poorly! I had to go to bed early as I had an early start for work the next day.....as so life goes on.

We have said goodbye to another special, very important person in our lives. As my daughter said, it is going to be a very different place for us without him in it but we are all going to live our lives the best way that we can and do all we can to make him proud.

 'It's what Grandad would have wanted!'.

Thank you for taking the time to read this.

xxxxxx

Beach Hut and Blue Skies

Good morning all. Yes, it's 6.59 am and I've been awake for an hour. I've had a cup of tea ...and a packet of crisps too I have to admit... and the sun is shining. What else to do but blog?

The subject of today's update has to be my wonderful hut where I have spent a fair bit of time over the past few weeks. I had some time during the Easter holidays when I was at the hut preparing it for painting and then, over the last week, I have spent as much time as possible there as the weather has been so wonderful.

 The experience of painting the exterior of the hut has been positive. After taking on board lots of advice, I decided to go with masonry paint and the colours were already decided on as being pink and green. I have to say that I wasn't sure about that colour selection initially but now I'm really chuffed with it.

As I type this I have three and a half sides completed and I'm quite pleased with the results so far. I'm not very good at DIY and it's the first time that I've painted the hut. I am having problems reaching the upper most parts as my step ladder isn't quite high enough but I will get it finished.
The front of the hut is still a work in progress. It needs some repairs done to it before I can finish it properly and I'm not sure when those repairs will be completed so, for now, it looks a bit shabby....

.....but it will look lovely eventually.


Over a year ago when there were the storms and bad weather, the huts at Hayling took quite a battering. My hut had to be repositioned by the local council. There was a little bit of damage done by the machinery that was used which was to be expected but it was only some time later that I realised that the hut was no longer on sleepers. The council had put it back directly onto the pebbles. As time has gone I have thought more and more about this and decided that I should contact the council to see if there is anything they can do. I sent an email to which I haven't had any reply to but last week, when I was busy painting, I received a visit from a council representative who had been sent along to view the hut and assess the situation. He seemed to be confident that he could source some sleepers and that placing them under the hut would not be a problem. Happy days! However, I still haven't heard officially that that is actually going to happen so we shall see.

Yesterday, as I sat on my lounger in glorious sunshine, I remembered that one of the ladies in one of the beach hut groups that I am a member of on Facebook collects pebbles, paints them and then leaves them for children to find as they walk along the beach. What a lovely idea! I am not artist but I thought that I could do something similar. I collected some pebbles, gathered my nail varnishes that I had taken to the hut to mark my keys, and did this....

....basic stuff I know but it made me happy doing it which is all that matters really don't you think?

Today's weather forecast is good again and I intend spending some more time at the hut. Yesterday I meant to continue with  painting but left my paint brushes at home. Today I need to be more organised although, in truth, it does me the world of good just sitting and doing nothing. I feel totally rejuvenated when I get home from such days. We have a difficult few days coming up with a family funeral on Friday so maybe another day of sitting, thinking and doing not much is what I should do.

I'll leave you with a few evening pics. Enjoy your day everyone.

xxxxx

End of an Era

Hi all.

 I hope you are all enjoying Spring sunshine and blue skies where ever you are and that you are all happy and healthy and loving life!

Once again, there is so much that I could blog about but there is only one thing that I feel that I should type about. I have checked with my hubby and he is happy for me to do so. Today's update is about my father in law.

Last Saturday, after the charity challenge, I got home at about 7 pm, had a glass of chilled Prosecco and set about telling various family members about the event. Before I could go into too much detail, the phone rang. It was the nursing home telling us that my father in law was unwell with a temperature and that the doctor had been called out to him. The rest of the evening and overnight we were on standby in case the phone rang and we needed to get to the home quickly. Fortunately, that didn't happen.
The next day a chest infection was diagnosed and medication prescribed. Combinations of sons, daughters in law and grandchildren visited over the following days and reported little change from his recent  condition. Whilst being elderly and frail and extremely tired, he was always happy to accept visitors and made an effort to converse and be interested in any news.
Then, quite out of the blue, he took a turn for the worse on Wednesday afternoon. He slipped into a deep sleep and passed away very late that evening. He spent the best part of his last afternoon and early evening surrounded by his boys which would have given him an enormous amount of comfort. I hope he was able to hear the joking and the gentle teasing that went on as the sons tried to maintain an air of normality and calm around their ailing Dad as, by this time, it was obvious that Dad was not going to be able to overcome this final hurdle.
Later that night, after everyone had left and all was calm, my father in law finally drew his last breath. His 85 years on this planet came to a close.

There is no way that I would ever try to put into words the feelings of anyone else involved in this situation and these thoughts and feelings are purely mine.

I feel incredibly proud to have had such a strong relationship with my father in law. We became very close over the past 5 years or so especially. His beloved wife, who he had looked after with such dedication and love, was ill for several years before her passing 2 years ago. Once she had left him his whole world was so different. He had to move house. He was no longer able to drive. The world must have seemed a very different place all of a sudden and I think it was a world that he found harder and harder to be a part of. All of the things that he used to love - his garden, going to the pub, driving to the cricket club - all of these things were no longer things he could do without someone else being involved. Very slowly he lost interest in 'life' it seemed. He didn't listen to the radio. He found reading difficult because he couldn't retain the information about the characters. He didn't read the papers although he did watch the news before bed every night.

Some things did still interest him though....anything on television to do with antiques ('cash in the attic' was one of his favourite phrases), bizarrely, Big Brother (!) , his shares which he checked every day and the lottery which he did every week, twice a week, because 'he couldn't NOT do it'. He had been doing the same numbers for years and years including his wife's Thunderball and two of the grandchildren's selections and was adamant that, if he didn't do them, they would win. It was almost an obsession!

My father in law was an Army man through and through. His life was led with military precision even after he retired. His shoes were always polished until they shone and he always liked to wear a jacket and tie whenever he went out - albeit to the local shops. He also always took his pipe, his 'baccy and his matches wherever he went. It became a bit of a 'thing'. Whenever he left his flat he would pat all of his pockets to make sure that he had everything - 'pipe, 'baccy, matches'. That still makes me smile.

It was his role as a grandfather that I think gave him the most pleasure. He adored his grandchildren. When my daughter was born he was overjoyed because he had only had sons. He was thrilled to have a girl in the family at last. When my son was born he was thrilled because there was a male to carry on the family name.
As the children got older he adored reading them stories and then was mesmerised when they were able to read stories to him. He taught them about flowers and plants in his garden. He made them pancakes as a special treat. He was so proud of them. It didn't matter what they did or didn't do, he loved them and they loved him in return. He never raised his voice to them or got cross (as far as I know!!) and never, in later years, put them under any pressure to visit him. He just always  wanted to know that they were happy and safe and working hard. It is very hard for them at the moment to imagine that they aren't going to see him anymore. They are all adults now and they still love him as they did when they were little.

As for me, my father in law accepted me into his family without question even though I came with a failed marriage behind me and two young children as an added bonus. He was always interested in our family life and the dramas that were often going on. He didn't judge me when I made mistakes and only offered advice if I asked for it. He was supportive. He was generous and our happiness was his prime concern.
Latterly, as he became frailer, he relied on me more for general chit chat than anything else. He was always so pleased when I visited and always had a list of things that he wanted me to do or that he wanted to talk about. We had many long talks about all manner of things. He especially wanted to talk about family as he found such conversations a little easier to have with me than with the boys and I was able to tell him all the bits that other people 'forgot' to tell him!


Although his death has come as a shock in someways, I think that, in the back of our minds, we knew that he couldn't carry on as he was. His sons did everything that they could, gave him every chance to try again each time that he came out of hospital. He had a family member visit him almost every single day and he was given every encouragement to keep going but the fight left him. He had had enough.

So now we have 2 weeks until the funeral and plans are taking shape. It is important to all of us that he gets the send off that he deserves.
It is going to take some time to get used to the fact that he is no longer with us but we will get used to it as everyone always does when someone dies.

I would like to finish by saying that it was a privilege to have been a part of my father in law's life and I thank him, from the bottom of my heart, for being the wonderful grandfather that he was. Rest in peace.

Until next time xxx

Challenges Are Us! Our Surrey Three Peak Challenge

Hi all,

There has been so much going on and I've been so busy that I can't possibly fit it all on this update so I am going to focus on our Surrey Three Peaks Challenge. All other news will have to wait otherwise I won't do any of it justice.

Last Saturday, April 4th, saw my son and I take part in The Surrey Three Peaks Challenge...a 26.1 mile walk which included three of the highest hills in the county. We were attempting to raise £250 for the Stickler Diagnostic Clinic. Our choice of charity was based on the work that they do researching Stickler Syndrome - a genetic condition which various members of my extended family have and are affected by.

Jack stayed at our house on the night before our walk and at 5.30 am I woke him up, we had a drink and a hot cross bun for breakfast (well, it was Easter) and we got dressed into our attire which included our charity t-shirts.

 At 6 am we set off to Holmbury St Mary village hall which was where we were to meet the organisers of the event. It was an fairly straightforward trip and we got to our destination in plenty of time. We signed in and were given our step by step instructions and told that we could start our challenge as soon as we were ready. There were walk leaders who were leaving at 8 am but we decided to do our own thing and set off at 7.11 am.
The weather was dull and overcast but it wasn't raining which was a bonus so we didn't need to wear waterproofs. (Jack didn't need to wear his bin bag!) The ground underfoot was wet which made for a very muddy, slippery walk and Jack did fall over at least once and must have tripped  and slipped on various tree roots about a dozen times in the first hour of the walk.
Within a very short time we were at Holmbury Hill and then, about 4 miles later, we arrived at Leith Tower. All was going swimmingly and spirits were high. We knew we were doing well and on course to be the first people back from the 26.1 platinum group. There were two other distances (silver and gold) that people could choose to walk but I chose the longest one for us....obviously!

From Leith Hill it was another 8 miles to get to Box Hill. It really was a lovely walk. We went past the waterfall in the pic above and Jack was delighted to find that we had to walk through several fields occupied by some very noisy sheep.

We kept up a very good pace and followed our instructions to the letter and soon arrived at Box Hill. The guy who was dropping off the water at the designated water stops en route arrived to drop off his supplies just as we got there so that was good timing. We caught him out because we had set off at such an early time.
The climb to the top of Box Hill was tough but it was also exhilarating. We encouraged each other with jibes and taunts until we reached the peak which was heaving with families, cyclists, dogs and walkers. We had been told that we needed to log in with some marshalls when we arrived and, after a quick search, we found  them, signed in. collected our first two stickers and sat down for a drink and an energy bar before setting off on the return leg of our journey.
Everything was going well and spirits remained high.

It was not long before we started to feel the effects of all of the walking and our energy levels started to dip. It suddenly dawned us that, as we were retracing our steps, we would, in effect, we doing 5 peaks not 3. We have 8 miles to walk back to Leith Hill and the thought of that was demoralising.
We felt that Box Hill had always been our goal and we had reached that. Then all we had to do was walk the same distance back to the start....and no goal apart from to actually get back and complete the mileage.
Then, as if that wasn't enough, we got lost. To be honest i think we weren't concentrating properly. We ended up walking at least an extra mile before we realised that we were off track and had to retrace our steps to dins out where we had gone wrong. We had missed a footbridge. No biggy.....apart from the fact that another walker was crossing the footbridge which meant that we weren't in front anymore.
Initially, we saw this as a challenge and tried to catch up with the girl and overtake her but we had no chance. She disappeared off into the distance and was walking at a great pace. The fact that we were not going to finish first had a bad effect on us both but Jack felt it most and it really affected his mood. He became quiet and started to lag behind. He was tired and fed up and not feeling great.
We trudged on through mud and puddles and then more mud and the way back seemed much more hilly than the outward leg. At one point I looked back to talk to jack and I couldn't see him. he then came into view and I knew he was struggling.
As we finally approached Leith Hill for the second time Jack caught up with me and said that he would have to stop when we reached the top. He did look rough. He was exhausted and I was a bit worried about him for a minute. However, once the climb was over and we had sat down for a few minutes and had a drink he was feeling better and ready to finish what we had started.

This was where I started to feel that I might not be able to make it to the finish. Nothing was that painful...I was just exhausted and was finding it really hard to put one foot in front of the other. The thought of dragging myself on for another 4 or 5 miles was not good.
However, that stubborn/determined streak that I often mention that I apparently have would not let me stop. We had both promised ourselves that we were going to finish the job and that's what we did. We dragged ourselves onwards and literally upwards as more hills and slopes seemed to be around every corner and on every horizon.
Finally, the downward slope to the village hall and the starting point of our challenge came into view. I don't think I have ever felt so relieved. 10 hour after we set off...yes, 10 hours....some 2 hours more than we had anticipated at the start....we arrived back safe and sound and completely shattered. We weren't even particularly elated to have finished. We were so tired.
We were greeted by one of the organisers who told us that we were the 2nd and 3rd people back (grrr! we knew we should have been 1st and 2nd) and we were given our platinum sticker and congratulated on our achievement. we were invited into the hall for a hot drink but were told that we had to take our boots off to do so. If we had done that we probably wouldn't have got them back on again so we threw our bags into the car, gingerly lowered our aching bodies into the car and set off back to our homes.

I dropped Jack off and popped in for a quick cup of tea. I had to take my filthy shoes off before going into his house so I kicked my boots off and peeled the muddy, wet socks off of my weary feet. Amazingly, there was not too much damage done......

Cup of tea enjoyed, I put on some clean, dry socks and forced my swollen feet back into my mud soaked boots and drove home.
It was on the way home that I actually had time to think about what we had achieved and how well we had done. It was a much tougher challenge than either of us had anticipated I think. I had done some hill walking but probably hadn't done enough mileage. However, we did it and we did it well.
The following morning wasn't too bad at all. I was expecting pain and soreness. There was some but nothing like I had feared.

                                                     
                                                         The end!


We have raised a fantastic amount for our chosen cause. At the moment our total stands at just over £780 and we still have a few more donations to collect or receive. We are both overjoyed and overwhelmed with the support that we have been given and, once again, thank you all for being so great.

xxxxx